After all these years searching for the right guy, I finally found the one...
The one who likes me for who I am....
The one who I feel so comfortable with...
Without the need to pretend to be someone else...
I can laugh like crazy and yet, he still likes me for my crazy laughter....
The first one who made me felt so much appreciated...
The one who first to say that I'm beautiful when I smile...(and the way my eye curved like a smiley face when I smile/laughed)
He, respect me and always tries his best so that I won't get hurt.
Sorry that I'm too sensitive at times...=(
But I really appreciate the times when we are together.
It's like whenever I get to meet you, I don't want the day to end.
And his arm is so comfy that I felt so so secured and protected under his arm...
He is also the one that I wanted him to be the first and the last for everything in my life...
The first to meet my besties...
The first to meet my sister...
The first to meet my parents...
And so on....
And I love him for the way he is. He is so cute in so many ways. His shocked look. His patience with me. His love and care towards me. Thank you for your presence in my life. Life without you is really nothing. Because of you, I felt appreciated and loved.
It's good to love someone and be loved in return...
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
First time Gambling
Sometimes, it seems that I can summon the numbers out. Is it just coincidence or it's an ability...? But 4 times on the same night it happened. :/
What I did is to close my eyes, and focus hard on the number I wanted. When the first attempt succeed, I screamed in joy and everyone (my friends) all looked at me with a shocked face. But I gave them my Poker Face. Well, sometimes, it's nice to gamble. When you started winning, you felt happy. But when you started to lose money, it's the time you feel sad.
Well, I started off with only $2. Hahah...I know I'm kiam siap. But I just gamble to try. So, I don't wanna spend too much. But then, after lose a few rounds, and I told that I don't wanna play d because I lose my money. Hahaha. (which is $2) Then, the Asian Cuisine guys said that they wanna put their bets on me. And there are times Tommy and Zoey helped me. LOL.
I should have stopped after winning $10. >.<
Sighhhh....But in the end, after losing $2(which is my first bet), I gained back $1(after my last bet).
SIGHHHHHH.....Why me no luck de!
What I did is to close my eyes, and focus hard on the number I wanted. When the first attempt succeed, I screamed in joy and everyone (my friends) all looked at me with a shocked face. But I gave them my Poker Face. Well, sometimes, it's nice to gamble. When you started winning, you felt happy. But when you started to lose money, it's the time you feel sad.
Well, I started off with only $2. Hahah...I know I'm kiam siap. But I just gamble to try. So, I don't wanna spend too much. But then, after lose a few rounds, and I told that I don't wanna play d because I lose my money. Hahaha. (which is $2) Then, the Asian Cuisine guys said that they wanna put their bets on me. And there are times Tommy and Zoey helped me. LOL.
I should have stopped after winning $10. >.<
Sighhhh....But in the end, after losing $2(which is my first bet), I gained back $1(after my last bet).
SIGHHHHHH.....Why me no luck de!
Transformed Life
I've found the one...
And he's someone who made me felt appreciated and loved.
It's good to be loved and love someone in return.
Initially planned to tell him that I accepted him on V-Day to make his first V-day special...
Somehow, something happened yesterday, and he made me felt touched and so different.
And I can't waited till V-day to tell him that I'm officially his...
Thank you for appreciating me for who I am and accepted me for all my weaknesses.
28/1/2012 : My happiest moment ever. =)
And he's someone who made me felt appreciated and loved.
It's good to be loved and love someone in return.
Initially planned to tell him that I accepted him on V-Day to make his first V-day special...
Somehow, something happened yesterday, and he made me felt touched and so different.
And I can't waited till V-day to tell him that I'm officially his...
Thank you for appreciating me for who I am and accepted me for all my weaknesses.
28/1/2012 : My happiest moment ever. =)
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My passion...
I wished one day soon..
I will be able to earn enough money to learn piano and dancing and to go for vocal lessons.
Sighhh...:'(
I will be able to earn enough money to learn piano and dancing and to go for vocal lessons.
Sighhh...:'(
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Saturday, January 21, 2012
Journey 2 is Awesome!
We watched JOurney 2 together yesterday, and it was seriously an awesome movie!
It's funny, mystical, magical and yet touching!
And hey, The Rock (from WWF) also acted in it!
I always loved to watch him in movies. He's a great actor I think!
His look, his body (although he's too buffy) but overall, he's great!
And I didn't know he can SING REALLY REALLY WELL! omg!
I think I almost fell for him at the instant! Ha-ha!
Somehow, there's a part that made me cried.
I wished that I had an awesome dad like the girl has.
It touches my heart when her dad said that he would definitely has a way to allow her to further her education.
Awww...Somehow, my heart felt empty.
My dad never says that to me before.
He would complain when my fees is increasing and I'm using all his money and so on..
T________________T
I am just a lil girl. Although I'm a grown up now.
But my heart is still a lil girl, that always yearn for a daddy's love.
Each movies showing a dad's love for their daughters, always make me cried.
I wanted a daddy's love so much. But sometimes, or most of the time, I hardly feel that. =(
I really wished that one day, my dad would says that he actually loves me and make me felt loved. =(
Nevermind, this would only be something that I can dream of.
Don't think it would come true though...:/
It's funny, mystical, magical and yet touching!
And hey, The Rock (from WWF) also acted in it!
I always loved to watch him in movies. He's a great actor I think!
His look, his body (although he's too buffy) but overall, he's great!
And I didn't know he can SING REALLY REALLY WELL! omg!
I think I almost fell for him at the instant! Ha-ha!
Somehow, there's a part that made me cried.
I wished that I had an awesome dad like the girl has.
It touches my heart when her dad said that he would definitely has a way to allow her to further her education.
Awww...Somehow, my heart felt empty.
My dad never says that to me before.
He would complain when my fees is increasing and I'm using all his money and so on..
T________________T
I am just a lil girl. Although I'm a grown up now.
But my heart is still a lil girl, that always yearn for a daddy's love.
Each movies showing a dad's love for their daughters, always make me cried.
I wanted a daddy's love so much. But sometimes, or most of the time, I hardly feel that. =(
I really wished that one day, my dad would says that he actually loves me and make me felt loved. =(
Nevermind, this would only be something that I can dream of.
Don't think it would come true though...:/
Friday, January 20, 2012
Why I'm Still Unable to Overcome my Fear?
p/s: I know you might be reading this, but, this is the only place where I can pour my feelings and memories at. I hope you won't mind though...
We had a really good time together although both of us are unsure of what to do today. It's my first date. And you made it the most awesome one! Although we never did much stuff, but, I do really really appreciate the time being together. I don't mind what we are going to do, because I know I just want the time to be with you. Just you and me.
I actually knew what you wanted to say, and I could sense that you could have been thinking of how to say it out to me. I don't wanna push you to say it because I realized that I might not be ready for new relationship yet. I really really like you. You're the first person who made me feel so special, the way you treat me, the way you cared for me and all...(Shit, I don't know why am I crying while writing this) But, I'm really afraid that you could have just perhaps, had a crush on me. And I'm afraid that you'll get bored of me if I'm too demanding. Sorry, but I'm not demanding for you to be rich or good looking, but what I really wanted is to spend more time with you. I know it would be hard for us since we are in such a stressful uni, and life could be hard when we ourselves don't even have much time for ourselves. I'm afraid that if I demand for your time, you'll get bored of me. =(
This is why I actually afraid to accept you too...Somehow, my heart sank when all of sudden I rejected you. You've been a part of my life. And you'll always be.
I just need some time....=(
We had a really good time together although both of us are unsure of what to do today. It's my first date. And you made it the most awesome one! Although we never did much stuff, but, I do really really appreciate the time being together. I don't mind what we are going to do, because I know I just want the time to be with you. Just you and me.
I actually knew what you wanted to say, and I could sense that you could have been thinking of how to say it out to me. I don't wanna push you to say it because I realized that I might not be ready for new relationship yet. I really really like you. You're the first person who made me feel so special, the way you treat me, the way you cared for me and all...(Shit, I don't know why am I crying while writing this) But, I'm really afraid that you could have just perhaps, had a crush on me. And I'm afraid that you'll get bored of me if I'm too demanding. Sorry, but I'm not demanding for you to be rich or good looking, but what I really wanted is to spend more time with you. I know it would be hard for us since we are in such a stressful uni, and life could be hard when we ourselves don't even have much time for ourselves. I'm afraid that if I demand for your time, you'll get bored of me. =(
This is why I actually afraid to accept you too...Somehow, my heart sank when all of sudden I rejected you. You've been a part of my life. And you'll always be.
I just need some time....=(
Thursday, January 19, 2012
All I Want for CNY is...
Hahaha...It supposed to be All I want for Christmas Is You. But...Christmas over le. And I have nobody to spend my Xmas with, except my crazy besties. Hahaha! <3
Hm...2 more days I'm going back. I'm so excited! Yet, a lil bored. Haha. Excited to see my baby. Excited to be at home. Excited to sleep on MY BED <3 Excited to eat. LOL LOL LOL.
I'm such a glutton. But it seems that one can't imagine a glutton like me can be so lazy even to eat... :/
Seriously, this is not a jian fei plan. I always had the idea of going to the canteen to eat...But when the time reached, I am lan duo to go d...LOL. Last time, mummy will force me eat, cause she know I'm lazy and always sleep sleep sleep like a PIG. Cause daddy will scold and punish me if I don't eat also. So, I'm so scared. When she said will tell daddy that I don't take my lunch, I confirm will die. LOL, dinner is inevitable. It's a tradition for us to take dinner together everyday, unless daddy was busy and will come back late. So, yeah, it's always like that. I need to be forced to eat. But, I really love food a lot. Well, it's so contradicting right? Hmmmmph...>.<
But what I want for CNY most is TO GET MORE REST AND SLEEP WELL. Aaawww....
Hm...2 more days I'm going back. I'm so excited! Yet, a lil bored. Haha. Excited to see my baby. Excited to be at home. Excited to sleep on MY BED <3 Excited to eat. LOL LOL LOL.
I'm such a glutton. But it seems that one can't imagine a glutton like me can be so lazy even to eat... :/
Seriously, this is not a jian fei plan. I always had the idea of going to the canteen to eat...But when the time reached, I am lan duo to go d...LOL. Last time, mummy will force me eat, cause she know I'm lazy and always sleep sleep sleep like a PIG. Cause daddy will scold and punish me if I don't eat also. So, I'm so scared. When she said will tell daddy that I don't take my lunch, I confirm will die. LOL, dinner is inevitable. It's a tradition for us to take dinner together everyday, unless daddy was busy and will come back late. So, yeah, it's always like that. I need to be forced to eat. But, I really love food a lot. Well, it's so contradicting right? Hmmmmph...>.<
But what I want for CNY most is TO GET MORE REST AND SLEEP WELL. Aaawww....
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Fav Lecturer of the Year!
Anyway, today's school life is surprising! Somehow I look forward to FST2106 classes. Why? My lecturer is FIERCE!!! Woohooo!!! I guessed that you must be thinking that I'm the first person who "YAY" when she met a super fierce teacher. Hahaha! It's been for 3 years! 3 years since I was searching so desperately for a teacher like this. Fierce teachers always awesome people, don't you think so? They have an aura which will give you motivation and OPEN YOUR EYES BIG!!! (Damn, my fan is really freaking me out again!!!!)
I instantly " fell in love" with her when she scolded those who CAME LATE FOR LECTURES!!! But, I felt her awesome! One word: AWESOME. Lemme tell ya about her!
Name: Ong Bee Lian (YAY!! SHE SAME SURNAME WITH ME!!!!)
She has a cancer, that's why she has to do chemotherapy. But I find her as someone who is strong to be able to go through this. (Dear God, please allow my fav lecturer to get better. Please...)
She doesn't like people who attend her classes late.
Somehow, some of my classmates like to be late. But one thing is, when one droplet of milk is spoilt, the whole milk will be spoilt right? This is what will happened. If one student offended her by coming to classes late, she will never give lectures ANYMORE!!! And she might fail us!!!! T_________________T
Although it sounded evil, but, somehow, her fierce-ness attracted me. Oh gosh....This is the feeling I've been looking for since the day I left my Form Six...The last teacher that I'm so attracted to is Pn. Teh Lay Boon. Now, I'm attracted to Dr. Ong Bee Lian @.@
I instantly " fell in love" with her when she scolded those who CAME LATE FOR LECTURES!!! But, I felt her awesome! One word: AWESOME. Lemme tell ya about her!
Name: Ong Bee Lian (YAY!! SHE SAME SURNAME WITH ME!!!!)
She has a cancer, that's why she has to do chemotherapy. But I find her as someone who is strong to be able to go through this. (Dear God, please allow my fav lecturer to get better. Please...)
She doesn't like people who attend her classes late.
Somehow, some of my classmates like to be late. But one thing is, when one droplet of milk is spoilt, the whole milk will be spoilt right? This is what will happened. If one student offended her by coming to classes late, she will never give lectures ANYMORE!!! And she might fail us!!!! T_________________T
Although it sounded evil, but, somehow, her fierce-ness attracted me. Oh gosh....This is the feeling I've been looking for since the day I left my Form Six...The last teacher that I'm so attracted to is Pn. Teh Lay Boon. Now, I'm attracted to Dr. Ong Bee Lian @.@
Life Like In a Movie
Why must I be the one who dreams of having a life like if it's a movie...?
Why must I be someone who dreams of high school fantasies...??
All of sudden, I dreamed of J. He was the one who gave me the dreams of a life like in a movie, but broke those dreams when we broke up. I didn't blame him though. But somehow, since then, I lost my trust in fairytale love stories, and I've been so insecure of myself.
Perhaps, this also causes my latter relationships to fail. They didn't last long.
Somehow, I don't wanna get hurt again. Ever since the last broke up that affected me quite a lot the past 3 years, I swore that I'd never cry the tears of love out.
If movies really imitates life, why can't my life is like a movie?
If only this was a movie...
Why must I be someone who dreams of high school fantasies...??
All of sudden, I dreamed of J. He was the one who gave me the dreams of a life like in a movie, but broke those dreams when we broke up. I didn't blame him though. But somehow, since then, I lost my trust in fairytale love stories, and I've been so insecure of myself.
Perhaps, this also causes my latter relationships to fail. They didn't last long.
Somehow, I don't wanna get hurt again. Ever since the last broke up that affected me quite a lot the past 3 years, I swore that I'd never cry the tears of love out.
If movies really imitates life, why can't my life is like a movie?
If only this was a movie...
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Push It !
From the title of the song, I bet you know what is this song is about. Anyway. this song's choreography was...uhmm...F-U-N-N-Y!!! I just can't stop laughing.
What makes me laughed is:
1) Sue's face
2) The whole performance
3) Emma and Principal Figgins dancing by themselves (They seemed so high!!!!)
Alcohol Issues
First time when I listened to this song which was originally sung by Ke$ha, (key-dollar-sign-ha! LOL. That's what Principal Figgins said) I have no feelings for this song. Until when it was sung by Brittany in Glee, each time I listened to it, I felt a sudden movement of dances on my body!!! It's like a reflex that was out of my control...OMG!!!! Possessed?? Hahahaha!!!Somehow..Brittany inspired me to dance. I wished I can do the split like her in 2:18. It's so cool. Aiks. How good if I can learn to dance...It would be great. But before that, I still have to slim down. Oh gosh. I'm left with only 4 months to slim down :/
Sis's wedding will be in June. And now it's almost Feb. Oh my oh my...
My wishlist:
1) To learn to sing and dance
2) Slim down!!!!
3) Pull my CAP
4) Be happy =)
5) Learn piano. :/
Sigh....All needs the price to be paid. But can't things goes like "Forget about the price tag (Jessie J)"?
Pretending
Just pretend...
Just pretend...
Just pretend...
As if nothing happens. Hmmmm....
Buy me bleach, so that I can wash my brain. Ha-ha!
Somehow, the last part of this video is the funnies when Sue appeared and asked them to shut up. Awww...Maybe I can try taking a Doraemon or Hello Kitty bag to school? Like Sunshine Corazon (Charice) in this movie..HAhahahahah!!!!!!!
Okay. I really need a bleach to wash away my craziness. LOL.
Just pretend...
Just pretend...
As if nothing happens. Hmmmm....
Buy me bleach, so that I can wash my brain. Ha-ha!
Somehow, the last part of this video is the funnies when Sue appeared and asked them to shut up. Awww...Maybe I can try taking a Doraemon or Hello Kitty bag to school? Like Sunshine Corazon (Charice) in this movie..HAhahahahah!!!!!!!
Okay. I really need a bleach to wash away my craziness. LOL.
Do I have to be Educated about Sex?
Am I really weird? The way I think of things.
Sighh...Sex freaks me out.
Although it seems that I can talk dirty or about nudity kind of openly, somehow it only depends on the type of person I talked to. I can only talk bout such stuff with people whom I'm really close with...
I actually shared a picture on FB about a girl cuddling beside her boyfriend or something like that. And a friend shared some links that is somehow looked related, except that the girl is in nude. So, I jokingly said that he officially polluted my wall. Then, he commented that I'm acting as if I'm trying to be pure and innocent and nudity is an art and bla bla bla...I'm not acting to be innocent or pure. I'm actually hurted by what he said, so I deleted his comments.
But seriously, is it really weird that I finds it hard to accept sex?
Sighh...=(
Sighh...Sex freaks me out.
Although it seems that I can talk dirty or about nudity kind of openly, somehow it only depends on the type of person I talked to. I can only talk bout such stuff with people whom I'm really close with...
I actually shared a picture on FB about a girl cuddling beside her boyfriend or something like that. And a friend shared some links that is somehow looked related, except that the girl is in nude. So, I jokingly said that he officially polluted my wall. Then, he commented that I'm acting as if I'm trying to be pure and innocent and nudity is an art and bla bla bla...I'm not acting to be innocent or pure. I'm actually hurted by what he said, so I deleted his comments.
But seriously, is it really weird that I finds it hard to accept sex?
Sighh...=(
Monday, January 16, 2012
GLEE- Pretending Official Performance
Can't stop listening to this song. It's an original composition! Every single words in the lyrics are so meaningful. Even the title is so meaningful. Each time I listened, I'll wept. Sigh...Why am I the only one who always have these high school fantasies? =(
Anyway, here's the lyrics! =)
Face to face and heart to heart
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
But I hold on I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be...pretending
How long do I fantasize
Make believe that it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
If we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be... keeping secrets safe
http://www.elyricsworld.com/pretending_lyrics_glee_cast.html
Every move we make
Seems like no-one's letting go
And it's such a shame
Cos' if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be... (pretending)
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be...pretending, pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be...pretending
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
But I hold on I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be...pretending
How long do I fantasize
Make believe that it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
If we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be... keeping secrets safe
http://www.elyricsworld.com/pretending_lyrics_glee_cast.html
Every move we make
Seems like no-one's letting go
And it's such a shame
Cos' if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be... (pretending)
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be...pretending, pretending
Will we (oh oh oh all) ways (oh oh oh all)ways (oh oh oh all) ways be...pretending
Getting Over the Guy I once Liked
Remember bout the guy who I liked but don't have the guts to tell him bout how I felt??
Somehow, and weirdly to say, I actually managed to get over him, after finding out that he could have fell for someone else. Ha-ha! It's like I've liked him for the past 6 months. That's quite long right? LOL.
Somehow, I do regret a lil. But I'm just afraid. LOL. But if you're my friend and you're liking someone, please don't be like me. Cause you'll regret for not telling out how you felt. Aiya. Paise. I think I'm good at giving advises to people but when things like that happened, I'm such a coward.
Btw, are all cows coward? Why those the word "coward" has the word "cow" in it? Okay. Just a thought. Don't bother about my silly weird question.
Hmmm....somehow I think, does unicorn existed? A horse with a horn, and it's magical. Ehh....I think I'm going nuts after eating too much nuts. Or my brain need to be fixed for going hay-wired. Must be yesterday's coffee effect. Made me felt awkward since I had to ffk my friend's birthday party (Gosh, I think she really unhappy with me now, she didn't even reply my message after I called! T____T) Sighh...I really feel bad. But I really felt unwell and not in the good condition at all...Somehow I hoped that she won't be mad at me...I really wanted to go, but I didn't know that the coffee will have such an effect on me...=(
Somehow, I don't like to disappoint people, but yet, I disappointed people always unintentionally. I'm not a good person ba? =(
p/s: I'll be better after writing this out. Was feeling a lil unhappy that my friend might think that I ffk on purpose. But anyway, yesterday I'm having a great day with my NUS bestie. Somehow he allowed me to "bully" him. Hehehe. Sorry RJ =P
Somehow, and weirdly to say, I actually managed to get over him, after finding out that he could have fell for someone else. Ha-ha! It's like I've liked him for the past 6 months. That's quite long right? LOL.
Somehow, I do regret a lil. But I'm just afraid. LOL. But if you're my friend and you're liking someone, please don't be like me. Cause you'll regret for not telling out how you felt. Aiya. Paise. I think I'm good at giving advises to people but when things like that happened, I'm such a coward.
Btw, are all cows coward? Why those the word "coward" has the word "cow" in it? Okay. Just a thought. Don't bother about my silly weird question.
Hmmm....somehow I think, does unicorn existed? A horse with a horn, and it's magical. Ehh....I think I'm going nuts after eating too much nuts. Or my brain need to be fixed for going hay-wired. Must be yesterday's coffee effect. Made me felt awkward since I had to ffk my friend's birthday party (Gosh, I think she really unhappy with me now, she didn't even reply my message after I called! T____T) Sighh...I really feel bad. But I really felt unwell and not in the good condition at all...Somehow I hoped that she won't be mad at me...I really wanted to go, but I didn't know that the coffee will have such an effect on me...=(
Somehow, I don't like to disappoint people, but yet, I disappointed people always unintentionally. I'm not a good person ba? =(
p/s: I'll be better after writing this out. Was feeling a lil unhappy that my friend might think that I ffk on purpose. But anyway, yesterday I'm having a great day with my NUS bestie. Somehow he allowed me to "bully" him. Hehehe. Sorry RJ =P
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Asian Kiss vs. French Kiss
I didn't know the existence of Asian Kiss until I watched Glee. Hahaha. That's what Tina and Mike Chang taught me, indirectly. Hahahaha!
Asian Kiss - no tongues involved.
French Kiss - tongues involved.
Hm...Personally, I preferred Asian Kiss. One reason is because it's much safer and sweet what....:)
French Kiss is a lil scary because it always leads to a lil something more. So, I actually don't prefer that, unless it's like once in a while.
So, thumbs up for Asian Kiss! (^_~)
Asian Kiss - no tongues involved.
French Kiss - tongues involved.
Hm...Personally, I preferred Asian Kiss. One reason is because it's much safer and sweet what....:)
French Kiss is a lil scary because it always leads to a lil something more. So, I actually don't prefer that, unless it's like once in a while.
So, thumbs up for Asian Kiss! (^_~)
Saturday, January 14, 2012
What girls should look for in guys
Great! Even Julianna and Pei Ling got attached d. Sighhh... Why everyone that I know started getting attached sia? Okayla, me not emoing ( trying to convince myself that I'm not) - I'm just feeling lonely like that...It does feel bad somehow when everyone around you get attached except you... Made me wanna take back my words for wanting to be single. argh.. Ok, whatever la:(
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you... lol, crazy with Adele now.. hahaha. Never mind, time will find me one, right?:)
Hmmm...I guessed I'll stick to my 5Cs + 1S principle in finding the guy I really want instead of following other's to chase after looks, wealth, and etc...
Oh yeah, my 5C doesn't mean Credit cards, Condominium, Cars and so on okay? I'm trying not to be materialistic but... hmmm... 5C means Caring, Charming, Cheerful, Confidence, Creative. And most important thing is, the S which stands for Sincerity :)
So,yeah! That would be my own rule of thumb for the future ya?:) hahaha!
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you... lol, crazy with Adele now.. hahaha. Never mind, time will find me one, right?:)
Hmmm...I guessed I'll stick to my 5Cs + 1S principle in finding the guy I really want instead of following other's to chase after looks, wealth, and etc...
Oh yeah, my 5C doesn't mean Credit cards, Condominium, Cars and so on okay? I'm trying not to be materialistic but... hmmm... 5C means Caring, Charming, Cheerful, Confidence, Creative. And most important thing is, the S which stands for Sincerity :)
So,yeah! That would be my own rule of thumb for the future ya?:) hahaha!
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Study vs Sleep
First, study and sleep has the same first alphabet. Aww damn. This is lame.
We had some drinking party yesterday night and it's kinda fun. But the thing that is not fun is when one of the junior( who I don't even know,but just knew yesterday night), hitted my lap for fun 3 times! And it's damn painful:(
Then, whenever he wants to sit beside me, I'll quickly pull Kevin to exchange seats. Crazy drunk guys. Then,I also got to know this guy called Jun wen/ Alvin, yeah, when I'm still at the kind-of-sober state, he was the one who keep drinking on my behalf when that drunk juniors keep making me to drink. *wink* And the Chivas they poured is not a small amount.
anyway, back to the topic, I still feel sleepy after waking up at 10.30am. Damn! Trying hard to focus focus focus, but sometimes the mind keeps on wanders, wanders, wanders. Owh:(
Tell me where is my study mood neh? Sigh, somehow wished to have someone to study with. But this semester's timetable so screwed, everyday lessons ended at 6pm...:/
Sighhhh... tell me who should I find to study together??? Especially on weekends.... sighhhhhh..:(
We had some drinking party yesterday night and it's kinda fun. But the thing that is not fun is when one of the junior( who I don't even know,but just knew yesterday night), hitted my lap for fun 3 times! And it's damn painful:(
Then, whenever he wants to sit beside me, I'll quickly pull Kevin to exchange seats. Crazy drunk guys. Then,I also got to know this guy called Jun wen/ Alvin, yeah, when I'm still at the kind-of-sober state, he was the one who keep drinking on my behalf when that drunk juniors keep making me to drink. *wink* And the Chivas they poured is not a small amount.
anyway, back to the topic, I still feel sleepy after waking up at 10.30am. Damn! Trying hard to focus focus focus, but sometimes the mind keeps on wanders, wanders, wanders. Owh:(
Tell me where is my study mood neh? Sigh, somehow wished to have someone to study with. But this semester's timetable so screwed, everyday lessons ended at 6pm...:/
Sighhhh... tell me who should I find to study together??? Especially on weekends.... sighhhhhh..:(
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Friday, January 13, 2012
Lucky by Sam and Quinn
Aww... somehow I think Sam is nice... aiya... love him le...:)
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toilet encounter
The awkward moment when you used the toilet, and realized that you actually entered the wrong one.
How I hate at times when I'm too "immersed " in the things I am doing till i forgotten to take a look at the ways im going. Oh man! How many times must I enter to realize that I entered the wrong ones? But im lucky that when I entered the time, usually there's no one inside...except my Penang's encounter. That's the most embarrassing toilet encounter. Omg.
Lol, actually I was at utown now, was thinking of using the toilet just now, and I got shocked to see a guy entered. He also shocked to see me. Initially I wanted to ask if he entered the wrong one,but sometimes you are just scared to do so.cause it's.. uhmm... I don't know how to put them in words. I thought he entered the wrong toilet, but when I went out to check, okay, it was my fault. Not him. zZzz...
How I hate at times when I'm too "immersed " in the things I am doing till i forgotten to take a look at the ways im going. Oh man! How many times must I enter to realize that I entered the wrong ones? But im lucky that when I entered the time, usually there's no one inside...except my Penang's encounter. That's the most embarrassing toilet encounter. Omg.
Lol, actually I was at utown now, was thinking of using the toilet just now, and I got shocked to see a guy entered. He also shocked to see me. Initially I wanted to ask if he entered the wrong one,but sometimes you are just scared to do so.cause it's.. uhmm... I don't know how to put them in words. I thought he entered the wrong toilet, but when I went out to check, okay, it was my fault. Not him. zZzz...
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Guessed what's Mahi Mahi?
I was curious when I was reading my books to decide on the topic I wanted to do for my presentation. When I came across this fish's name, called Mahi mahi, I googled and this is what I've found.
Don't you think that it looks like Flounder the fish from The Little Mermaid?? =) It's cute right? But, hmm...ke lian that it'd be eaten ....:/
Eh...and now I know what's the name of the fish that mum always cooked and how my brothers and relatives like them so much, except me....
In Hokkien, it's called "chia hu"...And now I finally know what it's called in English. It's called "milkfish". LOL LOL LOL. I wondered does it produce milk? LOL. Okay. That's lame.Here's how it looks like =)
Friends are just what I wanted most
Sometimes, when I was down, my Siao Cha Bos will be there for me.
When I hate my laughters or when I hated my odds, my girls would be there to remind me that it's special and something that they wouldn't be able to find in any other people they met.
All the time, I'm ashamed of the way I laughed. Seriously, it's horrible but yet contagious I guessed? However, my girls will laughed together with me instead of some of the people here who would gave me an odd/weird look...
Somehow, I was lucky to have them in my life. To have someone who loves and accept me for just who I am. Till death do us apart, I'll love my besties forever. Not even my future bf (if I have one) could be compared to them =)
When I hate my laughters or when I hated my odds, my girls would be there to remind me that it's special and something that they wouldn't be able to find in any other people they met.
All the time, I'm ashamed of the way I laughed. Seriously, it's horrible but yet contagious I guessed? However, my girls will laughed together with me instead of some of the people here who would gave me an odd/weird look...
Somehow, I was lucky to have them in my life. To have someone who loves and accept me for just who I am. Till death do us apart, I'll love my besties forever. Not even my future bf (if I have one) could be compared to them =)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Entering a girl's Room
Last month, I got to know a guy via MSN. He's a mutual friend of my friend in Facebook.
But I think he's weird. We've yet to know one another, and he keep asking me if I'd allow him to enter my room. Even though I've given him countless of rejection when he asked.
Luckily, after consulting a guy friend of mine for advices, thank God I managed to stop him from asking. 'Cause I really felt uncomfortable with these type of questions. Super duper uncomfortable. Why on earth you wanted to enter my room? But if he wanted something something, I think he underestimated me? I'm not that kind of girl who allows anyone to enter,needless to say even if you're a girl. But but but, I would definitely allow my besties.:):):)
Anyway, I doesn't have my lappie with me now,which can be a good thing. Lol. With my dumb lappie, I think I'll get heart attack. Lol, now my friend has to experience what I had experienced the last few months when using my lappie. Cause he offered to fix it for me:) felt bad somehow, cause my dumb lappie is giving problems to him as well.:/
But I think he's weird. We've yet to know one another, and he keep asking me if I'd allow him to enter my room. Even though I've given him countless of rejection when he asked.
Luckily, after consulting a guy friend of mine for advices, thank God I managed to stop him from asking. 'Cause I really felt uncomfortable with these type of questions. Super duper uncomfortable. Why on earth you wanted to enter my room? But if he wanted something something, I think he underestimated me? I'm not that kind of girl who allows anyone to enter,needless to say even if you're a girl. But but but, I would definitely allow my besties.:):):)
Anyway, I doesn't have my lappie with me now,which can be a good thing. Lol. With my dumb lappie, I think I'll get heart attack. Lol, now my friend has to experience what I had experienced the last few months when using my lappie. Cause he offered to fix it for me:) felt bad somehow, cause my dumb lappie is giving problems to him as well.:/
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Psychology and forgiveness
I read my textbook this evening, realizing that psychology is really interesting.
Psychology taught me about forgiveness too. It says that forgiveness is the act of letting go of our anger and resentment towards someone who has harmed us. Through forgiveness we cease seeking revenge or avoiding the person who did us harm, and we might even wish that person well.
Hmm... I didn't know I was kind of a forgiving person, sometimes . Although revenge could be in my mind, but never will I do that. However, sometimes, We just have to forgive and forget. Hating someone is a tiring thing, don't u think so?:)
One thing that I should learn from the Msian supermodel, Leng Yein, is to love your haters. Wow, seriously, I don't know how to love them. But Glee also taught us to like the people who hates us. I love the song "Loser Like Me ", if you haven't listen to it before, try and listen to it. It's nice and meaningful.
We have to accept the fact that life is unfair. Not everyone that will likes us for who we are. I've to learn to accept haters . 'Cause it's not a good life when everyone loves you too right? Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself. Lols.
So, I'm gonna learn to accept haters. And be thankful to them. Wow. 'Cause I know there are always friends who loves me for who I am, right?:)
and I love my girls too! <3
Psychology taught me about forgiveness too. It says that forgiveness is the act of letting go of our anger and resentment towards someone who has harmed us. Through forgiveness we cease seeking revenge or avoiding the person who did us harm, and we might even wish that person well.
Hmm... I didn't know I was kind of a forgiving person, sometimes . Although revenge could be in my mind, but never will I do that. However, sometimes, We just have to forgive and forget. Hating someone is a tiring thing, don't u think so?:)
One thing that I should learn from the Msian supermodel, Leng Yein, is to love your haters. Wow, seriously, I don't know how to love them. But Glee also taught us to like the people who hates us. I love the song "Loser Like Me ", if you haven't listen to it before, try and listen to it. It's nice and meaningful.
We have to accept the fact that life is unfair. Not everyone that will likes us for who we are. I've to learn to accept haters . 'Cause it's not a good life when everyone loves you too right? Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself. Lols.
So, I'm gonna learn to accept haters. And be thankful to them. Wow. 'Cause I know there are always friends who loves me for who I am, right?:)
and I love my girls too! <3
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Monday, January 9, 2012
Flirting seems F-U-N!
Finally, a happy post from me.
Hm...just last week, hmm...maybe 9 days ago, a friend brought me to the E-Canteen to eat. Seriously, E-Canteen has opened for almost 9 months, but I have yet to eat a Mini Wok stall. And I went E-Canteen for like 3 times last semester. Hmm...Still can be counted by 1 hand huh? LOL. So, I went Mini Wok for the very first time, and haha! I found one of the guy cute. And it's fun to flirt.
First time we met, he thought I'm my friend's girlfriend. He's very very friendly, and too bad, he's a Msian. Even if I felt that he's cute and bla bla bla, the only highest level of relationship is only as a BEST FRIEND. Perhaps, I don't want a Msian bf? Hm...I don't know. Doesn't feel like Msian guys are up to my requirement. But but but, sometimes I felt happy when I saw him! Oh my...This is crazy...
2nd time I went Mini Wok stall, he served me again. He said that I look pretty that day. And I blushed. -.-"
I think he saw me sitting with Jei Sern on my 2nd visit. Cause, on my 3rd visit, yeah, he complimented me again, saying that it's like my level of "beauty" is increasing with each visit. Awww...I think his mouth is too SWEET. Well, I do love compliments, but sometimes, I tend not to believe in them. Seems like guys saying the same thing to every girls. >.<
Yeeah,then after his compliment, he asked me that I didn't come out with my boyfriend ar? I was shocked and said, I don't have any bfs. -.-" Then he said, "Oh..the one with golden hair. He's handsome leh. I'm jealous of his look. You don't think he's handsome meh? " I just replied," Uhm...Oh, he ah...Uhm...okay only la..." Then, I'm like wanna tell him that he looked cute too but instead of saying that, I quickly walked away. Felt that I'm rude for running away when we are talking midway. Oh well, I'm just too afraid of people, human...
Then, today I saw him again, when I was on my way back from work. I used the back gate, it was around 9.40pm when I met him. LOL. Somehow it's fun to meet him again. But I think all these is just because I think I'm flirty, that's all. Not a crush or love I guessed. I must never go for Msian guys. Never never never. Well, hopefully.
Hm...just last week, hmm...maybe 9 days ago, a friend brought me to the E-Canteen to eat. Seriously, E-Canteen has opened for almost 9 months, but I have yet to eat a Mini Wok stall. And I went E-Canteen for like 3 times last semester. Hmm...Still can be counted by 1 hand huh? LOL. So, I went Mini Wok for the very first time, and haha! I found one of the guy cute. And it's fun to flirt.
First time we met, he thought I'm my friend's girlfriend. He's very very friendly, and too bad, he's a Msian. Even if I felt that he's cute and bla bla bla, the only highest level of relationship is only as a BEST FRIEND. Perhaps, I don't want a Msian bf? Hm...I don't know. Doesn't feel like Msian guys are up to my requirement. But but but, sometimes I felt happy when I saw him! Oh my...This is crazy...
2nd time I went Mini Wok stall, he served me again. He said that I look pretty that day. And I blushed. -.-"
I think he saw me sitting with Jei Sern on my 2nd visit. Cause, on my 3rd visit, yeah, he complimented me again, saying that it's like my level of "beauty" is increasing with each visit. Awww...I think his mouth is too SWEET. Well, I do love compliments, but sometimes, I tend not to believe in them. Seems like guys saying the same thing to every girls. >.<
Yeeah,then after his compliment, he asked me that I didn't come out with my boyfriend ar? I was shocked and said, I don't have any bfs. -.-" Then he said, "Oh..the one with golden hair. He's handsome leh. I'm jealous of his look. You don't think he's handsome meh? " I just replied," Uhm...Oh, he ah...Uhm...okay only la..." Then, I'm like wanna tell him that he looked cute too but instead of saying that, I quickly walked away. Felt that I'm rude for running away when we are talking midway. Oh well, I'm just too afraid of people, human...
Then, today I saw him again, when I was on my way back from work. I used the back gate, it was around 9.40pm when I met him. LOL. Somehow it's fun to meet him again. But I think all these is just because I think I'm flirty, that's all. Not a crush or love I guessed. I must never go for Msian guys. Never never never. Well, hopefully.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Tell me How to Forgive You
From what Glee taught, we have to be forgiving. But, even if you apologized, I seriously don't know how to forgive you on the things you said. Don't you know your words hurt my feelings? The way you said sounds like I'm some mental-freak or someone who is having a extreme mental problems. Do you know that it's not a joke or advice, but it's clear that it's bullying? Sorry, but I took your words personally and I can't seemed to forget the way you said that I should go to a psychiatrist, and not taking a psychology module! I can accept if you used the word "psychologist" instead of "psychiatrist".
No matter how you apologize, it's hard to shook your words off. I'm tired of being bullied. Since kindergarden, I was bullied by people. Although it's not physically bullies, but don't you know how mentally-bullied kids felt? And how it affects us? I still remembered during my Kindergarden times, some Indian kids put stones into my water bottle, and put my water bottle back when I don't know. And when I wanted to drink, I can't drink. Yeah, they laughed at me when they saw that I can't drink my water. Do you all think it's funny to bully me?!!
Sometimes I really wanted to forget all these dark little memories, but somehow, it's hard to forget them and it really affected me a lot. And no, my parents didn't know, maybe mum knew, well, I can't recall what's their action or what happened. Till now, I was still mentally bullied. But no, I won't tell out who you are, not because I will forgive you or anything. But, somehow, I really wished, I really wished to lose my memory so that I won't remember a single thing that left such a huge impact on me. If I really had a memory loss, I really think that life would be better to me. So that I won't have social withdrawal which is caused by my SAD.
Dear Santa,
I really wish that this mental bullying will come to an end.
No matter how you apologize, it's hard to shook your words off. I'm tired of being bullied. Since kindergarden, I was bullied by people. Although it's not physically bullies, but don't you know how mentally-bullied kids felt? And how it affects us? I still remembered during my Kindergarden times, some Indian kids put stones into my water bottle, and put my water bottle back when I don't know. And when I wanted to drink, I can't drink. Yeah, they laughed at me when they saw that I can't drink my water. Do you all think it's funny to bully me?!!
Sometimes I really wanted to forget all these dark little memories, but somehow, it's hard to forget them and it really affected me a lot. And no, my parents didn't know, maybe mum knew, well, I can't recall what's their action or what happened. Till now, I was still mentally bullied. But no, I won't tell out who you are, not because I will forgive you or anything. But, somehow, I really wished, I really wished to lose my memory so that I won't remember a single thing that left such a huge impact on me. If I really had a memory loss, I really think that life would be better to me. So that I won't have social withdrawal which is caused by my SAD.
Dear Santa,
I really wish that this mental bullying will come to an end.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Courage
Another lesson from Glee is about Courage.
Sometimes, when feelings is hard to be put in words, then sing it! This is what Mr. Schuester taught in Glee. When you like someone, but it's hard to tell out how you feel about it to them, then sing to them.
So, if I was feeling something something and I don't felt like putting it into words, I'd sing it.
Now I realized, why singers can make so good albums and sings so well. It's because they put all emotions in writing their songs and when they sing it, they sang with emotions.
I Look To You
As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on Earth can I turn to?
I look to you, I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you, I look to you, yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you, you...
About to lose my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you, I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you, I look to you, yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you, you...
My leeves are broken
My walls are coming tumbling down on me
The rain is falling, defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me
Sometimes, I wished that someone would sing "Perfect" or "Just the Way You Are" to me...
Sometimes, when feelings is hard to be put in words, then sing it! This is what Mr. Schuester taught in Glee. When you like someone, but it's hard to tell out how you feel about it to them, then sing to them.
So, if I was feeling something something and I don't felt like putting it into words, I'd sing it.
Now I realized, why singers can make so good albums and sings so well. It's because they put all emotions in writing their songs and when they sing it, they sang with emotions.
I Look To You
As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on Earth can I turn to?
I look to you, I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you, I look to you, yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you, you...
About to lose my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you, I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you, I look to you, yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you, you...
My leeves are broken
My walls are coming tumbling down on me
The rain is falling, defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me
Sometimes, I wished that someone would sing "Perfect" or "Just the Way You Are" to me...
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Why I Learnt from Glee
Finally finished 2 seasons. And finished till Ep 9 of Season 3.
I would honestly think that Glee is an educating movie...Glee taught me a lot of things...Passions, dreams, unity ...
1) Passion and dreams - If you really like something, you should go for it, without thinking of any consequences. I found my passion which I always had since young but never have the chance to shine just because of who I am.
2) Unity - It's really sweet that what that doesn't break a team is UNITY. And it's really sweet when everyone in the committee/ teams love and hates you for who you are, but still ACCEPT you for who you are. I wished I can find people like them. Well, is it reality or just what that appears in movies?
And lastly,
3) Accept and love who you are - which is something that I find it hard to. I don't know who I am and neither knowing how to love myself. To be honest, when I was 11, I had OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder). But it slightly gets better when I was 18. I never know that it was a disorder until I watched Glee. I remembered how I always sneaked up in the middle of the night, trying to "disinfect" the whole house cabinets and things in the house by stealing my brother's shampoo to clean every single thing in the house. I put some shampoos on the tissue and wet it a little, and clean the tables, the pianos, the TVs and cabinets in the middle of the night. Yeah, no one took notice of it until...one day my brother caught me and told my dad. Of course, my dad couldn't forgive me for doing all these (for wasting the money and shampoo), because what I was merely doing, making the whole house smells more like a shampoo and greasy. I know it was stupid, but I just couldn't stand of uncleanliness at that time. And, because dad keep me on the eye every now and then, I only can try to "disinfect" my hands by washing my hands each time I touched a single thing. Never know it was so bad till I watched Glee and recall back my memories and why I'm reacting like that, till now. True enough, dad caught me again for using up the shampoo or the hand washer within 2 weeks, and punished me for that. I can't remember what he do to punished me that time, maybe writing 1000 pages of sentences? That's what he used to do when I was young. But got beaten when I was older. So, I can't really remember.
Funny to recall how I even tried to "clean" my bed too. It's just that in my mind, everything is dirty and need to be cleaned again. So, each time, after mum put up my bedsheet, I wouldn't dare to sleep on it but wait till the middle of the night, where I would pour some body shampoo on the bed sheets, and washed it. Actually, dad didn't caught me for that. It was by luck that I was not discovered for doing this. I really tried to minimize these weird acts, but it was tough for me back then. (At the same time I was having OCD, I was having SAD too, just that nobody knows)
But somehow, things slightly got better. My OCD are getting better a lil, till today. Although I still have that habit, but it was a minimum. Sometimes, I felt like I'm born this way. But how to accept myself for having 2 disorders? I'm Sorry to let my best friends down and not letting them know. But it was like a dark secret to be revealed, and I was afraid that and ashamed of being who I am.
What I know is Lesson 3 is hard to learn.
I would honestly think that Glee is an educating movie...Glee taught me a lot of things...Passions, dreams, unity ...
1) Passion and dreams - If you really like something, you should go for it, without thinking of any consequences. I found my passion which I always had since young but never have the chance to shine just because of who I am.
2) Unity - It's really sweet that what that doesn't break a team is UNITY. And it's really sweet when everyone in the committee/ teams love and hates you for who you are, but still ACCEPT you for who you are. I wished I can find people like them. Well, is it reality or just what that appears in movies?
And lastly,
3) Accept and love who you are - which is something that I find it hard to. I don't know who I am and neither knowing how to love myself. To be honest, when I was 11, I had OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder). But it slightly gets better when I was 18. I never know that it was a disorder until I watched Glee. I remembered how I always sneaked up in the middle of the night, trying to "disinfect" the whole house cabinets and things in the house by stealing my brother's shampoo to clean every single thing in the house. I put some shampoos on the tissue and wet it a little, and clean the tables, the pianos, the TVs and cabinets in the middle of the night. Yeah, no one took notice of it until...one day my brother caught me and told my dad. Of course, my dad couldn't forgive me for doing all these (for wasting the money and shampoo), because what I was merely doing, making the whole house smells more like a shampoo and greasy. I know it was stupid, but I just couldn't stand of uncleanliness at that time. And, because dad keep me on the eye every now and then, I only can try to "disinfect" my hands by washing my hands each time I touched a single thing. Never know it was so bad till I watched Glee and recall back my memories and why I'm reacting like that, till now. True enough, dad caught me again for using up the shampoo or the hand washer within 2 weeks, and punished me for that. I can't remember what he do to punished me that time, maybe writing 1000 pages of sentences? That's what he used to do when I was young. But got beaten when I was older. So, I can't really remember.
Funny to recall how I even tried to "clean" my bed too. It's just that in my mind, everything is dirty and need to be cleaned again. So, each time, after mum put up my bedsheet, I wouldn't dare to sleep on it but wait till the middle of the night, where I would pour some body shampoo on the bed sheets, and washed it. Actually, dad didn't caught me for that. It was by luck that I was not discovered for doing this. I really tried to minimize these weird acts, but it was tough for me back then. (At the same time I was having OCD, I was having SAD too, just that nobody knows)
But somehow, things slightly got better. My OCD are getting better a lil, till today. Although I still have that habit, but it was a minimum. Sometimes, I felt like I'm born this way. But how to accept myself for having 2 disorders? I'm Sorry to let my best friends down and not letting them know. But it was like a dark secret to be revealed, and I was afraid that and ashamed of being who I am.
What I know is Lesson 3 is hard to learn.
S.A.D
People said that in this world, no ones could understand yourself more than you do. Well, I'm in a dilemma, I don't even know who I am.
All day long,I've been questioning myself, collecting my little memories, but I still don't know who I am and what I'm living for.
I walked alone this late evening. I realized that I am so afraid of people. They're strangers, but yet,I couldn't find myself walking down the street and looking in front or maybe around. Maybe what that meanie said was true. I had a severe disorder that I couldn't overcome and I need a psychiatrist.
But can I live in denial? I know that I'm having a SAD... I always tried to appear happy in front of people, but sometimes I'm really tired of pretending, and I can't let people know that I'm having this disorder. I'm ashamed of who I am, I don't feel pretty like others do, I don't have the talents that others have. I couldn't study smart like others. I don't know how some people could love themselves, but I just couldn't find a reason to love myself.
Look at me, looks - I don't have it, talents - I don't have any, studies - I'm suck at it. Why I don't have at least something that I can make myself feel impressed, to make myself love myself much?
Do you know how hurt it is to develop SAD? The reason I had it is because I couldn't learn to love myself. What am I living for? I don't know and I'm really clueless. It made me died inside every single day.
All day long,I've been questioning myself, collecting my little memories, but I still don't know who I am and what I'm living for.
I walked alone this late evening. I realized that I am so afraid of people. They're strangers, but yet,I couldn't find myself walking down the street and looking in front or maybe around. Maybe what that meanie said was true. I had a severe disorder that I couldn't overcome and I need a psychiatrist.
But can I live in denial? I know that I'm having a SAD... I always tried to appear happy in front of people, but sometimes I'm really tired of pretending, and I can't let people know that I'm having this disorder. I'm ashamed of who I am, I don't feel pretty like others do, I don't have the talents that others have. I couldn't study smart like others. I don't know how some people could love themselves, but I just couldn't find a reason to love myself.
Look at me, looks - I don't have it, talents - I don't have any, studies - I'm suck at it. Why I don't have at least something that I can make myself feel impressed, to make myself love myself much?
Do you know how hurt it is to develop SAD? The reason I had it is because I couldn't learn to love myself. What am I living for? I don't know and I'm really clueless. It made me died inside every single day.
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Wednesday, January 4, 2012
who i am
Life is full of darkness
I could only smell rain...
It has no beginning...
Living in wonders...
I feel ashamed of myself
Afraid of the people around me...
Afraid of their stares...
Not even dare to look up...
They said, God made everyone of us special...
One doesn't have to be pretty, but that might have a talent
I search within me,but I've found nothing in me
I didn't love who I am
I didn't know what I have in me....
I just want colors to be in my life
I don't wanna live life a misery
Who I am supposed to be?
What is my talent?
I just wanna be loved...
I just want to be found
In this world full of darkness
Never know what excites me
I've got to find
Who.... I.... am.....
- Lynette -
I could only smell rain...
It has no beginning...
Living in wonders...
I feel ashamed of myself
Afraid of the people around me...
Afraid of their stares...
Not even dare to look up...
They said, God made everyone of us special...
One doesn't have to be pretty, but that might have a talent
I search within me,but I've found nothing in me
I didn't love who I am
I didn't know what I have in me....
I just want colors to be in my life
I don't wanna live life a misery
Who I am supposed to be?
What is my talent?
I just wanna be loved...
I just want to be found
In this world full of darkness
Never know what excites me
I've got to find
Who.... I.... am.....
- Lynette -
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ii's clearly a humiliation!
Saying that I should seek a psychiatrist instead of taking a psychology module when I said I wanted to take that module to understand myself better, was clearly a HUMIALIATION! And that was mean to spit that in my face! Look, I know I have a disorder myself, after what happened to me, and I don't feel that I understand myself anymore. But you shouldn't be saying that I need a psychiatrist although I'm under severe depression! I hate you, and I really hate you! You can call me a bitch if I'm bitchy but I don't need a psychiatrist because I'm not mentally disorder! There's no way I will talk kindly to you again!
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Sunday, January 1, 2012
new year's eve
I watched this movie this evening at 3.05pm. Seriously, this is an awesome movie! A reflection, a new beginning - towards my dream. I wanted to sing so much, but I'm just afraid to be solo.... perhaps even when I'm on stage. It'll be good if I'm exposed to performance on stage since young...:(
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Giving Birth
Although this post is titled "Giving Birth", it doesn't mean that I'm giving birth ok?
Just a reflection of my conversation with my dearest mummy.
I asked her bout giving births stuff - just curious - cause my sister-in-law just gave birth a month ago. And I wanted to know what "water burst" actually means, and how do you actually know that the water burst? Cause if I'm not mistaken, from the HK dramas I watched, there's such thing called "fake water burst". Interesting right?
Ha-ha. I think mum realized that I'm scared of giving births and stuff after she told me about scary moments of giving births - I closed my ear and cuddled when she talks bout being under the knives and pains. It's one of the sign when I got scared. LOL. Then, she told me after a while that, giving birth is not pain at all - it's just pain a while but I'll think it's very worth it and I'll be happy after the birth. Hmm...I don't think I can handle pains - maybe I'll scream till the building collapsed. Ha-ha!
Mum told me that among the 4 of us - my sis, my 2 brothers and me , I was the only child that "came out" most easily. Haha. Natural birth. Means no knives, no pain, no cutting anywhere, no injection. Cause mum said she was doing something halfway, and she suddenly felt that her womb suddenly felts like it's going to "drop". There was no signs or anything at all - no pains, no water burst and stuff. Mum said she told my dad that she thinks she was going to give birth. My dad immediately rushed mummy to the hospital - and like what mummy think, yeah, I came out from mummy's tummy immediately when she reaches the hospital. Now this is what like people said - like "pu keh nui" (hokkien). Ha-ha!
Sounds like I'm so eager to come out to see the world when I was in mummy's womb - so contradicting to what I'm thinking now -where I hoped that I didn't come into this cruel world. LOL. Unless, I'm experiencing that type of "pu keh nui" birth, then I might be considering of giving birth - cause no pain, no injection and no cutting of the lower part. Omg. Seriously, I can't take pains. I think I'll faint if I have to go for surgeries or anything. This is also the reason why I'm so scared of going to the doctors. Hmm...maybe I should consider eating an apple everyday? :P
But mummy said I was quite naughty when I was a baby. She was breast-feeding me and I keep kicking her tummy (and I don't even know that), and I kicked till her wounds got swollen and had to go to the hospital (because she just had a surgery before that to tie her uhmm...vagina? or whatever because she doesn't want to give birth anymore)....OMG. Why am I so bad when I was a baby!!!!?? T___________________T
Somehow, I realized babies are specials. They seemed to have supernatural powers. Okla, not supernatural powers la...But they got lotsa "pantangs" - like you cannot say that they are easily be taken care of, and bla bla bla. Like for me, mum said that I initially was a super easy taken care of when I was a new born baby. I eat, sleep till evening, wake up and eat, then sleep again (means I hardly cry). Then, after some Indian fella visited me or something, and he say something about me, the next day, I'm not easily taken care of le. Mum said that I cry for nothing - she fed me and stuff also not a solution, and she said that I only wanted people to carry me the whole day. LOL. And when she put me to bed, I cried again. She said I wasn't like that before the Indian aunty came. Hmmm....Never know all these till I asked mummy these. Ha-ha.
Just a reflection of my conversation with my dearest mummy.
I asked her bout giving births stuff - just curious - cause my sister-in-law just gave birth a month ago. And I wanted to know what "water burst" actually means, and how do you actually know that the water burst? Cause if I'm not mistaken, from the HK dramas I watched, there's such thing called "fake water burst". Interesting right?
Ha-ha. I think mum realized that I'm scared of giving births and stuff after she told me about scary moments of giving births - I closed my ear and cuddled when she talks bout being under the knives and pains. It's one of the sign when I got scared. LOL. Then, she told me after a while that, giving birth is not pain at all - it's just pain a while but I'll think it's very worth it and I'll be happy after the birth. Hmm...I don't think I can handle pains - maybe I'll scream till the building collapsed. Ha-ha!
Mum told me that among the 4 of us - my sis, my 2 brothers and me , I was the only child that "came out" most easily. Haha. Natural birth. Means no knives, no pain, no cutting anywhere, no injection. Cause mum said she was doing something halfway, and she suddenly felt that her womb suddenly felts like it's going to "drop". There was no signs or anything at all - no pains, no water burst and stuff. Mum said she told my dad that she thinks she was going to give birth. My dad immediately rushed mummy to the hospital - and like what mummy think, yeah, I came out from mummy's tummy immediately when she reaches the hospital. Now this is what like people said - like "pu keh nui" (hokkien). Ha-ha!
Sounds like I'm so eager to come out to see the world when I was in mummy's womb - so contradicting to what I'm thinking now -where I hoped that I didn't come into this cruel world. LOL. Unless, I'm experiencing that type of "pu keh nui" birth, then I might be considering of giving birth - cause no pain, no injection and no cutting of the lower part. Omg. Seriously, I can't take pains. I think I'll faint if I have to go for surgeries or anything. This is also the reason why I'm so scared of going to the doctors. Hmm...maybe I should consider eating an apple everyday? :P
But mummy said I was quite naughty when I was a baby. She was breast-feeding me and I keep kicking her tummy (and I don't even know that), and I kicked till her wounds got swollen and had to go to the hospital (because she just had a surgery before that to tie her uhmm...vagina? or whatever because she doesn't want to give birth anymore)....OMG. Why am I so bad when I was a baby!!!!?? T___________________T
Somehow, I realized babies are specials. They seemed to have supernatural powers. Okla, not supernatural powers la...But they got lotsa "pantangs" - like you cannot say that they are easily be taken care of, and bla bla bla. Like for me, mum said that I initially was a super easy taken care of when I was a new born baby. I eat, sleep till evening, wake up and eat, then sleep again (means I hardly cry). Then, after some Indian fella visited me or something, and he say something about me, the next day, I'm not easily taken care of le. Mum said that I cry for nothing - she fed me and stuff also not a solution, and she said that I only wanted people to carry me the whole day. LOL. And when she put me to bed, I cried again. She said I wasn't like that before the Indian aunty came. Hmmm....Never know all these till I asked mummy these. Ha-ha.
New Year - 2012
Initially, I planned to countdown on my own - maybe in Marina or Clarke Quay. Sam asked me if I wanted to join Keith and Kevin for chill. More is better than both of us right? So, I said, yeah, we can join them. After all, I also not sure where to go either.
So, we met up to go to Sen Shiong Supermarket to buy some stuff. I bought my favourite pistachio nuts, 1kg for only S$12.95. Quite cheap i think ^_^
Then, the guys bought Vodka and orange juice to mix. We played cards in Vinne's room (I just knew Vinne last night too). She's friendly and although she's a Msian (surprised), she has an accent which made me thought that she's a Sporean initially. Hmm...We played pyramids and that dunno-what-thumbs-up game. Sigh. I don't know why I always lose in card games T___T
Twice I had to bottoms up my cup of Vodka mix. And there are few times that my reactions are quite slow - so I am too easily be victimized. -.-''
Kevin immediately know I was allergic to liquors - my whole body turned red like a hot chilli! >.<
OMG. And that was super ugly and embarrassing. T__________________T
Initially, I had to bottom up the third cup - because of countdown cheers. But, luckily I don't have to - there's another girl, Ke Wei who can drink well. So, I asked her to drink for me. Anyway, I was already in the almost-knocked-out state. So, if I bottom up the 3rd cup - I don't think I would even able to walk. LOL.
The next thing I know is - I ended up in my room, but somehow managed to recall back who sent me back. Now I know why it can be quite dangerous to get drunk - because, when you're drunk, your body is super weak, and you can't even stand and walk properly (in which I realized that I ended up sitting on the floor when I was half awake) And when you're in danger, especially girls, I don't think you can even defend yourselves when you're drunk. So, better not to get yourself drunk! I've tried it for ya all (see I'm so good :P), so please don't get yourself drunk especially when you're drinking with only guys - guys are dangerous humans! If you really wanna drink and get drunk, PLEASE drink with at least a GIRL that you can trusted!
Anyway, I just woke up. So, yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR~
2012 Resolution:
1) Improve my CAP - in hoping to be able to maintain my scholarship
2) Become prettier and slimmer
3) Study smarter
4) Earn more money - I really hope to
5) Wondering if I can get a part time intern for fun?
6) Learn to be more sociable
7) Hope that I'll be able to save enough money to enroll myself into a vocal lesson
8) Able to sing better - do more better recordings!
9) Get a bf? - Uhm...maybe put that to be the last list...Cause I still have uhm...8 years to find? LOL
10) Be more observant!
Lastly, my dear Taiping friends, love ya all so much! <3
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