I previously just posted a video in which I sang " I Dreamed a Dream" which is sung by Rachel Berry and Menzel in Glee. I fell in love with that song so much the moment I heard it for the first time. Oh Gosh. and "Beth" which is sung by Puckerman for Quinn is also nice that I listened to it every night when I sleep. So now, I present the video of me singing "I Could Have Danced". It's a nice song, but I might not sang it well. Shall consider vocal classes to make my singing better.
Friday, December 30, 2011
unhappiness strikes again
The hour before leaving,I hugged my baby tight, telling her to behave well and listen to mummy so that she won't bring too much trouble to mummy... I love her the most and I really treated her like my own baby even though she's just a puppy. She's forever a puppy to me even if she's already 5years with us.
I put her on my lap,and for the last time before I left,I checked through her furs for fleas. Heartbroken when I saw some fleas are sucking up before blood, immediately killed them after puling them out from her fur tenderly. My baby is like me, feared of pain...lol.
She's naughty but still always the best in my eyes. The moment I sat on the bus, I started feeling Moody and unhappy. It's like my heart felt so empty. Very very empty.. I browsed back our gathering pictures, our crazy acts, thought back our funny yet dirty talk and jokes, our teases,somehow made me smiled and cried....I really misses you girls a lot:(
I put her on my lap,and for the last time before I left,I checked through her furs for fleas. Heartbroken when I saw some fleas are sucking up before blood, immediately killed them after puling them out from her fur tenderly. My baby is like me, feared of pain...lol.
She's naughty but still always the best in my eyes. The moment I sat on the bus, I started feeling Moody and unhappy. It's like my heart felt so empty. Very very empty.. I browsed back our gathering pictures, our crazy acts, thought back our funny yet dirty talk and jokes, our teases,somehow made me smiled and cried....I really misses you girls a lot:(
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Thursday, December 29, 2011
Can't Sleep...
It's already almost 2am and I seriously couldn't get myself to sleep. Maybe because I'm sad that I'm leaving my hometown tomorrow. Maybe because I misses my besties too much. Those laughter and everything...Sigh...I can't explain the bottled feelings I'm having right now that cause me unable to sleep. It's a sad type moody feeling, but reasons for it is inexplicable. Nor I know why. Maybe because I don't feel like leaving yet, maybe because everyone around me also leaving soon. Maybe because I don't want the semester to start yet. Seems like I have lots of worries in mind, but o well, shall get myself to sleep. It's already so late.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
single - not a problem
Sometimes when we are alone, we felt bored and hope that we have someone to rely and accompany us.
Sometimes when we have boyfriend, we felt that our life is restricted and fahn....
Sometimes, we see all our friends are already attached, but yet we are still single, then we felt desperate for love too.
Hahaha. We are really interesting and funny humans, aren't we? I do feel that often too.
But, I really can't see myself being attached to a guy in the future and give my life marrying to him.
I wanted to do many things on my own,or maybe with my besties. I don't want to report everything about me to someone each time I'm going out or tell him what I wanted to do.
So,this is what I planned:
After graduation, I need to work to earn money. Then go travel around the world. In order for these to happen,I must not be in a relationship, so yeah.... anyway, girls can also be independent de ma... who says we need guys to survive?:)
Then, at the age of 30, I must adopt a girl as my child. Cause I don't want to get married and do that weird stuff and give birth.... although I hoped to have my own blood de baby, but I really feared I have no patience in raising the kids up. Really wondered how mothers are so patient? I think I'll be an abusive mum if I really cannot tahan when the baby cried. Lol. So,it's better for me not getting married and give birth...lol...
But, one thing I really wished the most is, me and my besties will be able to go for overseas trip together...:). I'm gonna miss them a lots...
Sometimes when we have boyfriend, we felt that our life is restricted and fahn....
Sometimes, we see all our friends are already attached, but yet we are still single, then we felt desperate for love too.
Hahaha. We are really interesting and funny humans, aren't we? I do feel that often too.
But, I really can't see myself being attached to a guy in the future and give my life marrying to him.
I wanted to do many things on my own,or maybe with my besties. I don't want to report everything about me to someone each time I'm going out or tell him what I wanted to do.
So,this is what I planned:
After graduation, I need to work to earn money. Then go travel around the world. In order for these to happen,I must not be in a relationship, so yeah.... anyway, girls can also be independent de ma... who says we need guys to survive?:)
Then, at the age of 30, I must adopt a girl as my child. Cause I don't want to get married and do that weird stuff and give birth.... although I hoped to have my own blood de baby, but I really feared I have no patience in raising the kids up. Really wondered how mothers are so patient? I think I'll be an abusive mum if I really cannot tahan when the baby cried. Lol. So,it's better for me not getting married and give birth...lol...
But, one thing I really wished the most is, me and my besties will be able to go for overseas trip together...:). I'm gonna miss them a lots...
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Tuesday, December 27, 2011
the only reason for my laughter
I really wished that we can still linger around longer... we talked, we laughed,.... this is the only thing I'd miss because there's no one at there ( spore) that you can talk and laugh and just be who you are. They laughed with you. But people over there, seems like none of them can replace these crazy besties. We are siao cha bos. And we like to do crazy things, no matter how embarrassing it could be. We are young and daring,I would say. Tee xin and Jennifer are leaving tomorrow... sighhh... last few days I can smile with my mouth opened widely. But, now gonna emo again. Life returned to emo life. It's because being with them is the reason for my laughter. Where you just don't have to worry about anything... especially when there's mizen around too... she's also one siao cha bo:)
Really gonna miss them. Sigh. Damn emo now:(
Really gonna miss them. Sigh. Damn emo now:(
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Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
pissed week
No personal bathroom for 5 days. Thanks to that bunch of weirdos staying in my house n using my room. Made me pissed for no privacy, for not being able to use my personal bathroom, for not able to use the computer to study. Seriously damn you all! I seriously hate u all to the core. You all should just stay in the hotels when you're bringing such a huge number of people when you don't really have to. Hello auntie, for what you have to bring the 2 kids that are not even your sons? And for what you have to ask your sisters and brothers to come and stay as well??? You think my place is a hotel??? You're not even my relatives!
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christmas eve celebration
Seriously, Christmas is nothing without.doing crazy stuffs with my siao cha bo gang. We laughed till we are rolling on the floor besides rolling in the deep. Lol. Initially my lower jaw still felt pain before I met up with them, but I guessed numbness due to too much laughters made the pain reduced. Lol. And when we reached ktm to fetch txin, I can't imagine this is the craziest and yet most memorable moment in our life doing crazy things. We,with our sign boards txin's name on it, waited at the ktm. As soon as the train reached, we immediately raised our signboards in the air.( initially we wanted to make it like a scene at the airports where you'll see those taxi drivers putting up their passenger's name on a piece of paper, but we ended up like some fans waiting for their idol instead. Lol)
This is really the greatest moment of my life.
In fact, I don't think if I could find anyone willing to do such crazy things like them. That's why they're my besties< 3
This is really the greatest moment of my life.
In fact, I don't think if I could find anyone willing to do such crazy things like them. That's why they're my besties< 3
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Friday, December 23, 2011
you can step into my kingdom, but you can rule my kingdom!
I set my own rules, and you're not the one who should set it. Don't rule my world or my kingdom! I hate people who is trying to rule over my life. You're not the King, and I'm not your Queen. So, please don't tell me what I should do and report every thing to you!!!!
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Thursday, December 22, 2011
I Love Crime-Thriller based Hong Kong dramas
My first love was Forensic Heroes. In fact, I love the Forensic Heroes 1 the most as well as Forensic Heroes 3. I never wish they would end. Forensic Heroes 2 was a little disappointing, perhaps maybe because of that pathology guy's wife dead. And maybe because everything changed, so I find it hard to accept. But although in Forensic Heroes 3, all casts were changed. I find myself surprising for able to accept the new casts and I think they really acted damn well and done a very super great job! I have no complaints for that because I learnt a lot from the 3rd season.
Hence, I always believe that watching that kind of movie is surprisingly motivating. I was damn motivated last time when I was sitting for my STPM and it was the first season of Forensic Heroes. I watched and always wanted to be like them. You know, like a professional body like them. It's cool to investigate scary crime scenes and hmmm...but Forensic Heroes 3 changed me. In Forensic Heroes 3, Dr Chung was so amazing and it made me wanted to be like her. That's when I download "Spot the Difference" game to make myself able to spot a very very minor difference. If you watched it, you'll know that Dr Chung is a very observant person. So, if you can spot even very minor differences that others couldn't, taa-da, you'll know who to suspect. LOL.
That's why I'm learning real hard to be an observant person. Not that I wanted to be a detective or what, but since young, I always love watching crime-based film. I find it exciting and keeps my adrenaline high. Perhaps I shall give Forensic Science a consideration, but I guessed if can, I wouldn't want to take the module but instead, self study. Isn't it more exciting?
Well, here's a list of crime based HK dramas that I hope to watch:
Ghetto Justice
A Great Way To Care (仁心解碼)
The Other Truth (真相)
But from Wiki, The Other Truth seems to be my cup of tea more. Well, maybe I would watch it after finishing uhmm....Mysteries of Love =)
Hence, I always believe that watching that kind of movie is surprisingly motivating. I was damn motivated last time when I was sitting for my STPM and it was the first season of Forensic Heroes. I watched and always wanted to be like them. You know, like a professional body like them. It's cool to investigate scary crime scenes and hmmm...but Forensic Heroes 3 changed me. In Forensic Heroes 3, Dr Chung was so amazing and it made me wanted to be like her. That's when I download "Spot the Difference" game to make myself able to spot a very very minor difference. If you watched it, you'll know that Dr Chung is a very observant person. So, if you can spot even very minor differences that others couldn't, taa-da, you'll know who to suspect. LOL.
That's why I'm learning real hard to be an observant person. Not that I wanted to be a detective or what, but since young, I always love watching crime-based film. I find it exciting and keeps my adrenaline high. Perhaps I shall give Forensic Science a consideration, but I guessed if can, I wouldn't want to take the module but instead, self study. Isn't it more exciting?
Well, here's a list of crime based HK dramas that I hope to watch:
Ghetto Justice
A Great Way To Care (仁心解碼)
The Other Truth (真相)
But from Wiki, The Other Truth seems to be my cup of tea more. Well, maybe I would watch it after finishing uhmm....Mysteries of Love =)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Don't Give Up
Though I value my life just a little, after thinking for so long, I have to tell myself that I shouldn't give up. Came so far, and what I have to do is to move on.
And a note to myself:
The higher the hope, the bigger the disappointment. So, must learn not to give any expectation. Whatever it is, just do my best.
I will be brave. I will be tough. And I will learn to get back to my feet.
And a note to myself:
The higher the hope, the bigger the disappointment. So, must learn not to give any expectation. Whatever it is, just do my best.
I will be brave. I will be tough. And I will learn to get back to my feet.
希望越高, 失望越大
Why? The higher hope I put, the bigger disappointment I would get!?
I was confident that I could score in LSM 2201A, but its my worst grade I had for the module. Why?!!!
I thought I would see an A, but to my great disappointment, I got B-. Why?!!!
Although my overall CAP had increased a lil, but...why don't God just take a way my life?
I I don't have bfs. I don't have anyone that I love. Please take away my life. I don't want to live anymore!
I was confident that I could score in LSM 2201A, but its my worst grade I had for the module. Why?!!!
I thought I would see an A, but to my great disappointment, I got B-. Why?!!!
Although my overall CAP had increased a lil, but...why don't God just take a way my life?
I I don't have bfs. I don't have anyone that I love. Please take away my life. I don't want to live anymore!
Monday, December 19, 2011
i know this will be a good choice
Schedule tightly packed. 3 labs per week. 4-6 hours per lab. Plus, the time consuming lab reports. Next semester will be most hectic semester compared to previous semesters. It will also mean that I won't be able to have much lifes....no outings and etc.
I know I have to put all focus on my core mods first,and think for my cm2142 especially. Read the module review, then you'll know why I'd freak out. But I decided to be brave and strong. There's no way I can hide from it, but I know that I'll have to do better. No more slacking, and I should Facebook lesser since. I said that I don't want people to know too much bout me. Anyway, I realized Facebook is becoming a lil boring.
Dear journal,
Last semester and next semester will determine my life, therefore, I am afraid. But I should learn to overcome my fears and learn to move on. This is when I thought of considering Introduction to Psychology, in order for me to understand myself better... I do hope that if I were to take it next semester, I really hope that my lecturers and TAs are good teachers.
Wish me all the best tomorrow ':)
I know I have to put all focus on my core mods first,and think for my cm2142 especially. Read the module review, then you'll know why I'd freak out. But I decided to be brave and strong. There's no way I can hide from it, but I know that I'll have to do better. No more slacking, and I should Facebook lesser since. I said that I don't want people to know too much bout me. Anyway, I realized Facebook is becoming a lil boring.
Dear journal,
Last semester and next semester will determine my life, therefore, I am afraid. But I should learn to overcome my fears and learn to move on. This is when I thought of considering Introduction to Psychology, in order for me to understand myself better... I do hope that if I were to take it next semester, I really hope that my lecturers and TAs are good teachers.
Wish me all the best tomorrow ':)
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Sunday, December 18, 2011
We must Really Appreciate People Beside Us
Finally finished Forensic Heroes 3 !! Teehehehe...
Been crying and wiping of tears in the last 3 episodes...Especially when Angel died...
It makes me realized that we must really appreciate everyone beside us...Families, friends, and the person we care for...
Sometimes, life is really unpredictable. I might not know if I'd die tomorrow or something...But it's really sad when you just found someone you love and be able to be together with that person, and a few days later, she has left you (because of death)...Isn't it sad? =(
People said, give opportunity to someone that wants to be with you, but sometimes, the feelings just not there. And it's hard to accept someone when another person is already in your heart. Hmm...
Well, put relationships aside first. D-day is tomorrow. And i'm worried. Don't dare to face it :(
Been crying and wiping of tears in the last 3 episodes...Especially when Angel died...
It makes me realized that we must really appreciate everyone beside us...Families, friends, and the person we care for...
Sometimes, life is really unpredictable. I might not know if I'd die tomorrow or something...But it's really sad when you just found someone you love and be able to be together with that person, and a few days later, she has left you (because of death)...Isn't it sad? =(
People said, give opportunity to someone that wants to be with you, but sometimes, the feelings just not there. And it's hard to accept someone when another person is already in your heart. Hmm...
Well, put relationships aside first. D-day is tomorrow. And i'm worried. Don't dare to face it :(
i know, and i cant deny that you're still in my heart
When I saw your reply, I was delighted. You're like my only cure of sadness. Because your messages alone made me smiled for the whole day... Only you can make me smile when I'm down.
And the most touching moment is when I saw your apology... you've never apologize and explained why you replied late, though I've never asked why before... and that's the only thing that made me smile. It's been officially 6months since I liked you. And I know, you're still in my heart.
And the most touching moment is when I saw your apology... you've never apologize and explained why you replied late, though I've never asked why before... and that's the only thing that made me smile. It's been officially 6months since I liked you. And I know, you're still in my heart.
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Saturday, December 17, 2011
Have You Ever Liked a Married Man?
I went for Aunt Raggy's wedding dinner just now.
To be frank, this is the first time ever I had tasted the real shark fin, real abalone, and real bird nest. Aunt Raggy was very very rich and she married a guy from Spore and from his look, I can see that he's a rich old man. Really. Aunt Raggy was already about 50+...I guessed she's in her early 50s I guessed. And she just got married at this age...Hmmmm....Though she's already 50+, she looked like she's only 40+ and she's really pretty...
I tasted shark fin for the very first time. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't eat it...=(
Felt bad after eating it...:( :( :(
And then, I saw J's husband...I liked her husband the first time I saw him. Okay, that was a crush, i supposed. Okay, I guessed it's already the second time I'm having crush over married guys. When I was 16-17, I liked Strawberry. And that time, I was like head-over-heels on him. Cause he's my teacher. I named him Strawberry because of our memories in CH. I still remember how I was so crazy about him that I will go to the teacher's room every day after school just to see him and talk to him...I was so crazy that there are times that I will run over to the balcony just to wish him Goodnight when we're in CH...So crazy that I'm so happy that I was the only girl who got to walk with him alone at the market in CH...And he bought me ice cream...He was really a good father and a good teacher, as well as a good husband...He's always the best in my eyes, from last time...till now.
Then, I saw H for the first time at J's wedding...then i liked him. Okay. call me crazy but it seems that now, I found guys who are older than me, more charming...As you know, woman will look for 5Cs in a guy...My 5Cs doesn't mean Condominium, Credit Cards, Car and etc but it's Caring, Charming, Confident, Cheerful and Creative. <3 <3 <3 However, I would like to add another C and an S to it, which stands for Charismatic and Sincere. These are the only thing I would look for in a guy...
That's what I'll look for in my man =)
Anyway, it's 3 days left. I'm worried...=(
To be frank, this is the first time ever I had tasted the real shark fin, real abalone, and real bird nest. Aunt Raggy was very very rich and she married a guy from Spore and from his look, I can see that he's a rich old man. Really. Aunt Raggy was already about 50+...I guessed she's in her early 50s I guessed. And she just got married at this age...Hmmmm....Though she's already 50+, she looked like she's only 40+ and she's really pretty...
I tasted shark fin for the very first time. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't eat it...=(
Felt bad after eating it...:( :( :(
And then, I saw J's husband...I liked her husband the first time I saw him. Okay, that was a crush, i supposed. Okay, I guessed it's already the second time I'm having crush over married guys. When I was 16-17, I liked Strawberry. And that time, I was like head-over-heels on him. Cause he's my teacher. I named him Strawberry because of our memories in CH. I still remember how I was so crazy about him that I will go to the teacher's room every day after school just to see him and talk to him...I was so crazy that there are times that I will run over to the balcony just to wish him Goodnight when we're in CH...So crazy that I'm so happy that I was the only girl who got to walk with him alone at the market in CH...And he bought me ice cream...He was really a good father and a good teacher, as well as a good husband...He's always the best in my eyes, from last time...till now.
Then, I saw H for the first time at J's wedding...then i liked him. Okay. call me crazy but it seems that now, I found guys who are older than me, more charming...As you know, woman will look for 5Cs in a guy...My 5Cs doesn't mean Condominium, Credit Cards, Car and etc but it's Caring, Charming, Confident, Cheerful and Creative. <3 <3 <3 However, I would like to add another C and an S to it, which stands for Charismatic and Sincere. These are the only thing I would look for in a guy...
That's what I'll look for in my man =)
Anyway, it's 3 days left. I'm worried...=(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Vocal training
Was thinking of getting myself a vocal training long ago...
But it's hell ex! And I can't really afford that...T__________T
When I thought it was a dream come true as I came across a 4x60 minutes vocal training on Groupon promotion at the price of only S$58, I realized that it would be hard. Next semester, will be the hardest semester in my life. Well, 3 labs every week...Do you think it's easy? When most labs takes at least 4 hours. And some even takes up to 6 hours. And lab reports are killers. Because they are hell consuming. Oh gosh. Not to talk bout labs, but studies? They all said that CM 2142 is a killer. And after reading those scary reviews on Module Review, I freaked out. People said that the lecturers sometimes purposely/unintentionally give you wrong infos in the lectures. And it's not that it seems that it's done unintentionally, but it seems that it was done with intention. And well, I might not know, some said that the lecturers don't know things that they're delivering. And how do you seek clarification when you have no one to clarify things for you?
I really want to go for the vocal training. But my schedule is so tight, it'll be hard for me =(
http://www.groupon.sg/deals/singapore/-38-for-4-group-strum-singing-vocal-or-guitar-lessons--complimentary--100-course-voucher-at-tino-live-music--worth--220/715921687
But it's hell ex! And I can't really afford that...T__________T
When I thought it was a dream come true as I came across a 4x60 minutes vocal training on Groupon promotion at the price of only S$58, I realized that it would be hard. Next semester, will be the hardest semester in my life. Well, 3 labs every week...Do you think it's easy? When most labs takes at least 4 hours. And some even takes up to 6 hours. And lab reports are killers. Because they are hell consuming. Oh gosh. Not to talk bout labs, but studies? They all said that CM 2142 is a killer. And after reading those scary reviews on Module Review, I freaked out. People said that the lecturers sometimes purposely/unintentionally give you wrong infos in the lectures. And it's not that it seems that it's done unintentionally, but it seems that it was done with intention. And well, I might not know, some said that the lecturers don't know things that they're delivering. And how do you seek clarification when you have no one to clarify things for you?
I really want to go for the vocal training. But my schedule is so tight, it'll be hard for me =(
http://www.groupon.sg/deals/singapore/-38-for-4-group-strum-singing-vocal-or-guitar-lessons--complimentary--100-course-voucher-at-tino-live-music--worth--220/715921687
Uhm...Wanted to get this but...
Wow! Was looking at those deals webbie and came across this! Can I get myself this? But it's too ex! =(
Oh Well, I know I'm kinda desperate to have my boobs to be bigger. But...argh...okay, whatever! Let's see that when I've got the money ba...Tsk tsk...
Actually, I wanted to buy myself some of these stuffs to improve myself to look better. Okay, not to caught any guy's attention, (since I have no eyes on anyone YET), but I just wanted some lil changes in me, to make me feel good about myself to make me feel more confident...
I guessed I should learn things from Madonna. Yeah, you're right! M-A-D-O-N-N-A.
Well, here are the list of things I wanted to do to upgrade myself:
1) Vocal training !!!
2) Piano lesson =D
3) Eyelash extension!
4) Spas
5) Doctor therapy
Okay. All these stuffs are super costly. If can, I think I'll seek for a therapist in the school. I have low self-esteem and I know that very well. Therefore, if can, I'll try my best to improve myself from there first. To change my mindset and try to be more positive. Like what people say, if you can "suck" these positive energies around you, you'll be positive! Okay, that was a direct translation la. Anyway, you understand what I'm trying to tell here right? =)
I know I might not know when I'll die or anything. And we live only once, so, I wanted to chase after my dreams. Perhaps, I might not be sure what I exactly wanted to be. But I know, each time I watched Hong Kong dramas, especially Forensic Heroes, I'm deeply inspired by them to do my studies better! They are much pretty cool after all. And who doesn't wants to be like them? To be a professional people who seems to knows it all...?
Next semester's schedule would be super tight. Lab reports going on and on and lab sessions which are killing my times on and off. Turn me down, and I'll turn them out. Anyway, though I'm really afraid of doom's day and worried about my next semester, I know that I must be able to go through all this. To be honest, D-Day is approaching and I can't get my mind not thinking about it. My results are like my life or death to me, because it's important to me! Well, results are not important to me after all, actually. But there are lots of pressure from dad and families on me, and the scholarship, how can I get myself to sleep at night when it's like my life or death? I've been getting not much sleep, and all of the time I was dead worrying when times are approaching. I've tried to be positive, but I just can't do it. I'm worried that there are times I felt myself feeling suffocated in the middle of the night. How I wished that I can lead a carefree life and not worrying about grades, but instead, of what I've gained?
Okay, I think I really need a therapist before I was sent to IMH.
Stop me from Expressing Myself
A conversation with a friend made me realized something.
It started of like this:
A friend: You are really different from what I knew you.
Me: Huh? How different?
A friend: From your look, you only showed the cheerful part of yourself. Seriously, I wouldn't notice you're an emo person without reading the news feed post from you in Facebook or your blog. It's like you are two different people in the real and virtual world. You got what I mean?
Me: Uhm...I see. Well, I have nothing to say bout that. That's just me. Perhaps, I should learn to express myself in the "virtual world" lesser.
I then tried to change topic about it. In fact, I realized that long ago. And long ago, I've tried to stop myself from expressing too much of myself. But, sometimes, I just couldn't help it. It's like an addiction for me to pour my angers and sorrows to Facebook. I really don't know how to stop myself. Whenever, I'm stressed, I'll post something on Facebook. Which most of the times, I would find myself regretted for posting it...
Cause it showed the truth about myself. As an emo person.
Dear Journal,
I really need to learn to put a BIG FULL STOP from showing my true self to the world. I mean, it's not that I'm faking my smiles and laughters. It's just that, I really don't want people to know who I really am! All my smiles and laughter are true, just that, I'm not the type of person who will show her sadness and sorrow in front of people. Instead, I will always posted it, unintentionally, on Facebook. I really don't want people to know this negative part of me. I think I should put a big reminder to myself not to post anything negative on Facebook anymore starting from next semester. I shouldn't let anyone know who I really am.
It started of like this:
A friend: You are really different from what I knew you.
Me: Huh? How different?
A friend: From your look, you only showed the cheerful part of yourself. Seriously, I wouldn't notice you're an emo person without reading the news feed post from you in Facebook or your blog. It's like you are two different people in the real and virtual world. You got what I mean?
Me: Uhm...I see. Well, I have nothing to say bout that. That's just me. Perhaps, I should learn to express myself in the "virtual world" lesser.
I then tried to change topic about it. In fact, I realized that long ago. And long ago, I've tried to stop myself from expressing too much of myself. But, sometimes, I just couldn't help it. It's like an addiction for me to pour my angers and sorrows to Facebook. I really don't know how to stop myself. Whenever, I'm stressed, I'll post something on Facebook. Which most of the times, I would find myself regretted for posting it...
Cause it showed the truth about myself. As an emo person.
Dear Journal,
I really need to learn to put a BIG FULL STOP from showing my true self to the world. I mean, it's not that I'm faking my smiles and laughters. It's just that, I really don't want people to know who I really am! All my smiles and laughter are true, just that, I'm not the type of person who will show her sadness and sorrow in front of people. Instead, I will always posted it, unintentionally, on Facebook. I really don't want people to know this negative part of me. I think I should put a big reminder to myself not to post anything negative on Facebook anymore starting from next semester. I shouldn't let anyone know who I really am.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tell me what's inside of me?
Sometimes, I just wanna sing. As if, there's no one in the house.
Thought that I could at least have some space when I'm home, but... there's just some fear in me.
I know, I still worried bout D-Day. I'm so worried that each time I almost got a heart-attack, and my heart felt like it's going to jump out any seconds.
Time flies. Time passed. Too quickly that I couldn't catch up with its pace.
Dear time, do you know that my heart is weak and I can't run at your pace? =(
At the same time, I found a new interest. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps it wasn't a new interest. I liked singing since young. But just my voice need to be improved. I can't sing a high tone nor a very low tone. You know, I really hope I can sing like Charice or Lea Michelle...They are so good!
At least, Rachel in Glee knows her ambition and she will fight for what she wanted to be. As for me? I don't even know my directions. I'm like a lost soul...Didn't even know what I wanted to do after graduation. =(
Thought that I could at least have some space when I'm home, but... there's just some fear in me.
I know, I still worried bout D-Day. I'm so worried that each time I almost got a heart-attack, and my heart felt like it's going to jump out any seconds.
Time flies. Time passed. Too quickly that I couldn't catch up with its pace.
Dear time, do you know that my heart is weak and I can't run at your pace? =(
At the same time, I found a new interest. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps it wasn't a new interest. I liked singing since young. But just my voice need to be improved. I can't sing a high tone nor a very low tone. You know, I really hope I can sing like Charice or Lea Michelle...They are so good!
At least, Rachel in Glee knows her ambition and she will fight for what she wanted to be. As for me? I don't even know my directions. I'm like a lost soul...Didn't even know what I wanted to do after graduation. =(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
What Module to take??
Time table clashed with modules I planned....
What to do?
Have to come up with back-up plan...
1) GEK 1531 - Introduction to Cybercrime
2) LAC 1201 - Chinese I (Lecture class 6), Tutorial class I/II/14(which i don't really want)
3) PL1101E - Introduction to Psychology (this means that I must burn and eat 700 pages of textbook)
4) LAK 1201 - Korean I (lecture 3 T___T class will end at 8pm, Tutorial 8)
Deng...Next sem, one of these 4 choices are the only modules I can take...
If I really wanted to take Korean language, this is how my timetable would be...T______________T
What to do?
Have to come up with back-up plan...
1) GEK 1531 - Introduction to Cybercrime
2) LAC 1201 - Chinese I (Lecture class 6), Tutorial class I/II/14(which i don't really want)
3) PL1101E - Introduction to Psychology (this means that I must burn and eat 700 pages of textbook)
4) LAK 1201 - Korean I (lecture 3 T___T class will end at 8pm, Tutorial 8)
Deng...Next sem, one of these 4 choices are the only modules I can take...
If I really wanted to take Korean language, this is how my timetable would be...T______________T
Worried, worried, worried
Can I have an anti-depressant pills?
Can I have an anti-anxiety pills to make me able to sleep better?
I know I've been worrying too much...
I'm left with 10 days...
10 days to D-day...
I'm seriously worried...
And stressed...
Wanted to ask dad for the hostel fees, but don't know how...
We never talk much. But sometimes, he does care, a lil? Like asking me if I wanted durians and what I want to eat and stuff...
But I'm really afraid that I'll hurt him with my results again.
I'm really worried. Will I be able to pull my CAP by at least 0.5? I'm really really worried. That I'm thinking of it most of the time. Almost all of the time, when I'm left alone. I'm really scared...Really really scared.
Sometimes, I really wanted to talk to someone to bring away my thoughts. But I'm afraid, people would think I'm worried too much. How to not worry when all the stress was put on you and when you only have a year to pull your CAP? Even if you tried so hard, but you still find the papers difficult? How can I not worry about the bell curve?
Please, calm me down.
Can I have an anti-anxiety pills to make me able to sleep better?
I know I've been worrying too much...
I'm left with 10 days...
10 days to D-day...
I'm seriously worried...
And stressed...
Wanted to ask dad for the hostel fees, but don't know how...
We never talk much. But sometimes, he does care, a lil? Like asking me if I wanted durians and what I want to eat and stuff...
But I'm really afraid that I'll hurt him with my results again.
I'm really worried. Will I be able to pull my CAP by at least 0.5? I'm really really worried. That I'm thinking of it most of the time. Almost all of the time, when I'm left alone. I'm really scared...Really really scared.
Sometimes, I really wanted to talk to someone to bring away my thoughts. But I'm afraid, people would think I'm worried too much. How to not worry when all the stress was put on you and when you only have a year to pull your CAP? Even if you tried so hard, but you still find the papers difficult? How can I not worry about the bell curve?
Please, calm me down.
I Love You, I Honestly Do
It doesn't have to take a scientist to understand what's in my mind...
Well, I don't even know what happened to my mind..
Saw your messages, I'm delighted...
O Well, one thing I learnt from a song is,
"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy; even if you're not part of their happiness"
Well, I don't even know what happened to my mind..
Saw your messages, I'm delighted...
O Well, one thing I learnt from a song is,
"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy; even if you're not part of their happiness"
Friday, December 9, 2011
wondered what happened to girls nowadays
You see, just last month, people have been posting about young girls posting their nudity photos in the website ( due to their willingness)... and people been hooked by those photos cause it's everywhere in Facebook, and everyone was sharing her profile around and hence, this is how her "popularity " started... Now, I was waiting for my bus to go back Taiping, and the lady next to me was telling about a 12 years old girl "zhi pai " her own body in nude. She was referring to the the girl in the newspaper, since I was just beside her, I took a glance at the newspaper and got shocked. Now,even a 12 years old girl became like that?
Come on girls! You really wanted people to see your whole body so badly? Or are you influenced by the porn movies? Girls, our body is only for someone who really like us and for someone we like! It's not for the whole world to see! No matter how you admire your body. Perhaps, I can understand that why some models and actress let others take their nude photos, at least they got paid with lotsa money( though I don't really like this idea of getting money, but I'm trying to understand them).... but, what do you all get when you post your nude photos around? People admiring your hot body? I would say most people would say that you're really shameless and such a disgrace to the family.
First, you don't respect yourself. Second, you don't respect your own body. You can have a hot body, but you really betrayed your ownself. And thirdly, you bring shame to the family... Hoe would your parents feel,or other family members would feel? When people who knows you,start talking bout you posting your own nude photos?
Besides that, your abnormal postings would also attract some sex maniac. So,perhaps I think you like to get yourself in troubles like that... if whatever I said here is harsh, I actually meant every single words I wrote. Because, we are all girls, and I really don't want you all to post or to make yourself a perfect target for perfect rape crime... you got what I meant?
Come on girls! You really wanted people to see your whole body so badly? Or are you influenced by the porn movies? Girls, our body is only for someone who really like us and for someone we like! It's not for the whole world to see! No matter how you admire your body. Perhaps, I can understand that why some models and actress let others take their nude photos, at least they got paid with lotsa money( though I don't really like this idea of getting money, but I'm trying to understand them).... but, what do you all get when you post your nude photos around? People admiring your hot body? I would say most people would say that you're really shameless and such a disgrace to the family.
First, you don't respect yourself. Second, you don't respect your own body. You can have a hot body, but you really betrayed your ownself. And thirdly, you bring shame to the family... Hoe would your parents feel,or other family members would feel? When people who knows you,start talking bout you posting your own nude photos?
Besides that, your abnormal postings would also attract some sex maniac. So,perhaps I think you like to get yourself in troubles like that... if whatever I said here is harsh, I actually meant every single words I wrote. Because, we are all girls, and I really don't want you all to post or to make yourself a perfect target for perfect rape crime... you got what I meant?
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Thursday, December 8, 2011
I'm a Gleek!
I'm totally heads over heels for Glee!
Oh my God.
http://www.watchgleestreamingnow.com/
Pains and sorrows...Although I felt it most of the time...But well, shook it off...
I just wanna find my talents...Though I always think I don't have one.
I'm so into singing. That I'm craze of going over to KBox and spend my money to sing. But, I just don't have the freaking money.
But, because of my craziness over singing, I bought myself a membership card yesterday. Oh well, it was out of random. Most people who are close to me ( i mean those at spore) knows I'm random. And I'm really R-A-N-D-O-M. Well, spelled it out for ya!
I really want to hit the KBox and sing away all my angers and sorrows. Though I know my voice kinda sucks. But I know that I'll need to be trained to be a good singer!
Sometimes, when I don't get to hit the KBox, I just felt like getting my own space and sing as loud and natural as I like. Well, this was also why at times I sang in the bathroom, but who cares? I don't care if people will come and scream at me and says my singing sucks. At least, I know I'm not sucks to the max, am I?
Okay, talking bout confidence, I can tell you that I have NONE!
But..Sometimes, I really wanted to shine, to be known!
Who wants to be someone that is not known, not cared about? Right? You got what I mean? You just wanted to be discovered at times.
I was thinking...IF, should I perform for sister's wedding?? I really wanted to sing. But my problem is, I'm shy in front of people! =(
And oh yeah, about that lump, sorry that I didn't have the time to go to the doc yet...But I think it should be okay? Sigh...I don't know. I'm going back tomorrow morning. I don't want any bad news or scary news hit me at this hour. I think I'd tell mum when I got back and see if it subsided by then, so that I can save the money from see-ing the doctor.
Oh my God.
http://www.watchgleestreamingnow.com/
Pains and sorrows...Although I felt it most of the time...But well, shook it off...
I just wanna find my talents...Though I always think I don't have one.
I'm so into singing. That I'm craze of going over to KBox and spend my money to sing. But, I just don't have the freaking money.
But, because of my craziness over singing, I bought myself a membership card yesterday. Oh well, it was out of random. Most people who are close to me ( i mean those at spore) knows I'm random. And I'm really R-A-N-D-O-M. Well, spelled it out for ya!
I really want to hit the KBox and sing away all my angers and sorrows. Though I know my voice kinda sucks. But I know that I'll need to be trained to be a good singer!
Sometimes, when I don't get to hit the KBox, I just felt like getting my own space and sing as loud and natural as I like. Well, this was also why at times I sang in the bathroom, but who cares? I don't care if people will come and scream at me and says my singing sucks. At least, I know I'm not sucks to the max, am I?
Okay, talking bout confidence, I can tell you that I have NONE!
But..Sometimes, I really wanted to shine, to be known!
Who wants to be someone that is not known, not cared about? Right? You got what I mean? You just wanted to be discovered at times.
I was thinking...IF, should I perform for sister's wedding?? I really wanted to sing. But my problem is, I'm shy in front of people! =(
And oh yeah, about that lump, sorry that I didn't have the time to go to the doc yet...But I think it should be okay? Sigh...I don't know. I'm going back tomorrow morning. I don't want any bad news or scary news hit me at this hour. I think I'd tell mum when I got back and see if it subsided by then, so that I can save the money from see-ing the doctor.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
what would you do?
The pain is so intense, actually.
But I often acted like a normal person...
It's like there's this thing, it felt like a lump...it's like I had that for the past 4-5 days. I thought it was nothing although, it caused me a slight pain...but now as days passed,the pain was really unbearable... it seems that the lump is getting bigger? I don't know, I never go and try to touch it before that until just now when I found the pain is hardly bearable. It seems like a 20 cents coin size.
But seriously, I'm really afraid of pain. I know if you're my friends or family, you'd ask me to go for a check up. But the doctors always doesn't seem to know how pain it is,and when they touch that lump,they will want to press it. And here comes the fucking pain! Even without touching it ,seriously it's already torturing me. What if the pain is at the sensitive part? T_T
Next thing is, I'm afraid that all of sudden I have cancer or tumour or whatever. Gosh,.I know I am too imaginative. But my aunt just developed breast cancer, and it also means that I would have the risk. Then I don't know what sort of cancer I'll be risked at....:(
I really afraid. But I am afraid of going to the hospital... should I wait for a few days more to see if that growth subsided?
There could be other reasons? Like, I didn't drink enough water, that's why I have this growth...? Since my body is sensitive to lack of water.... haiz... how how how? Move around also pain...;(
But I often acted like a normal person...
It's like there's this thing, it felt like a lump...it's like I had that for the past 4-5 days. I thought it was nothing although, it caused me a slight pain...but now as days passed,the pain was really unbearable... it seems that the lump is getting bigger? I don't know, I never go and try to touch it before that until just now when I found the pain is hardly bearable. It seems like a 20 cents coin size.
But seriously, I'm really afraid of pain. I know if you're my friends or family, you'd ask me to go for a check up. But the doctors always doesn't seem to know how pain it is,and when they touch that lump,they will want to press it. And here comes the fucking pain! Even without touching it ,seriously it's already torturing me. What if the pain is at the sensitive part? T_T
Next thing is, I'm afraid that all of sudden I have cancer or tumour or whatever. Gosh,.I know I am too imaginative. But my aunt just developed breast cancer, and it also means that I would have the risk. Then I don't know what sort of cancer I'll be risked at....:(
I really afraid. But I am afraid of going to the hospital... should I wait for a few days more to see if that growth subsided?
There could be other reasons? Like, I didn't drink enough water, that's why I have this growth...? Since my body is sensitive to lack of water.... haiz... how how how? Move around also pain...;(
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Monday, December 5, 2011
dancing alone
Sometimes you just wanna dance in front of the mirror without clothes on... seriously, that feeling is really great as you can just sway your body as you like with the beat without worrying if anyone looking,except yourself. it's what you always did last time,but you stopped since 1.5years ago. All of sudden,you just want that dance feeling back,dance your own way,dance to the beat and....
You,shall pick up a skill.
Oh yeah, i know that sometimes you also wanted to be noticed. You want your talent to be noticed, but it's not something easy though. You'll need very much courage to show people what you have and what you want them to know bout you...right?
You,shall pick up a skill.
Oh yeah, i know that sometimes you also wanted to be noticed. You want your talent to be noticed, but it's not something easy though. You'll need very much courage to show people what you have and what you want them to know bout you...right?
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Coward
I'm a coward, when it comes to thing called love.
Liked someone for so long, but didn't even dare to tell....
Wondered how some girls got the guts to go up to the guy they liked and tell him that they liked him?
Wished I am as brave as them.
But I have no courage.
I don't tell. I keep to myself. And all I did was let it go, regretted and trying hard to forget about it.
But when you couldn't even forget him, you'll regret again.
Friends said that I should try telling him, so that I won't regret.
I understand that...but the only thing is, I don't have the guts. And ...I think him deserve other girls better than me.
As long as he's happy and found the right one, I'm happy too...
Am I foolish? Perhaps you might think that too...Cause I'm not that kind of girl who knows how to chase after her happiness.
Well, leave it to fate.
Liked someone for so long, but didn't even dare to tell....
Wondered how some girls got the guts to go up to the guy they liked and tell him that they liked him?
Wished I am as brave as them.
But I have no courage.
I don't tell. I keep to myself. And all I did was let it go, regretted and trying hard to forget about it.
But when you couldn't even forget him, you'll regret again.
Friends said that I should try telling him, so that I won't regret.
I understand that...but the only thing is, I don't have the guts. And ...I think him deserve other girls better than me.
As long as he's happy and found the right one, I'm happy too...
Am I foolish? Perhaps you might think that too...Cause I'm not that kind of girl who knows how to chase after her happiness.
Well, leave it to fate.
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