Sunday, July 31, 2011
Can Someone Pull me Out of this Shit?
A friend asked, " Why you always laugh when people said that you're an emo girl? "
I said, " That's a very good question. Hmm...I think I got split personality?"
Anyway, I once thought that as long as I didn't see a person I liked for some time, my feelings would fade...
But this time, I had to prove myself wrong...
No, it was totally wrong..
This time, I felt much deeper for that person...Although I've never see him for almost 2 weeks+...
It's almost the 3rd week...And I kept thinking about him. And his images kept appearing on my head. I realized that even though I haven't met him for a long time, I liked him even more...This totally contrast to what I thought...What should I do?
I really can't find the answer. I felt suffer, I have a so-called good news yesterday, and the moment I heard it from mum, the first person in mind that I wanted to talk to is HIM. But in the end, after a second thought, I didn't tell him...After all, it might not be a really news that actually make me happy. It actually made me more stressed, but I just want him to know, so that when I'm unhappy about my studies, I can turn to him and he can cheer me up...
But who am I to him? I asked myself...After asking myself this question, I realized, I am NOTHING to him. He might not even know my feelings for him...After all, it's me who doesn't him to know it...Cause I'm afraid that letting him know, I would lose him...That's why I prefer to hide it from him...
I knew I liked him...But even myself don't dare to go near him when I see him...I hate myself because I can't do anything...And what I can only do is to act if I don't even care...But in the end, hurting myself...But it's okay...I'd rather being the one feeling hurt...Just that I would think that the only thing I can do is, to wish that the girl he was chasing after will be with him and they'd be happy together...
My friend said that I'm silly for not telling him...And gave up even before I tried...But, I guessed I've already knew his answer d...I remembered he said that he doesn't like girls that is not tough...And being a tough girl, it's not really easy...remember I said that I wanted to be like Xia Mo who is really a tough and cool girl? But still, I failed...Of course, I never cry in front of people la...But that also doesn't mean I'm tough when I always cry myself alone...
People who knew me knows that I'm easily shattered although I looked like I'm tough in front of them by being happy-go-lucky most of the time...But, to be the truth, I'm not tough at all...:C
I said, " That's a very good question. Hmm...I think I got split personality?"
Anyway, I once thought that as long as I didn't see a person I liked for some time, my feelings would fade...
But this time, I had to prove myself wrong...
No, it was totally wrong..
This time, I felt much deeper for that person...Although I've never see him for almost 2 weeks+...
It's almost the 3rd week...And I kept thinking about him. And his images kept appearing on my head. I realized that even though I haven't met him for a long time, I liked him even more...This totally contrast to what I thought...What should I do?
I really can't find the answer. I felt suffer, I have a so-called good news yesterday, and the moment I heard it from mum, the first person in mind that I wanted to talk to is HIM. But in the end, after a second thought, I didn't tell him...After all, it might not be a really news that actually make me happy. It actually made me more stressed, but I just want him to know, so that when I'm unhappy about my studies, I can turn to him and he can cheer me up...
But who am I to him? I asked myself...After asking myself this question, I realized, I am NOTHING to him. He might not even know my feelings for him...After all, it's me who doesn't him to know it...Cause I'm afraid that letting him know, I would lose him...That's why I prefer to hide it from him...
I knew I liked him...But even myself don't dare to go near him when I see him...I hate myself because I can't do anything...And what I can only do is to act if I don't even care...But in the end, hurting myself...But it's okay...I'd rather being the one feeling hurt...Just that I would think that the only thing I can do is, to wish that the girl he was chasing after will be with him and they'd be happy together...
My friend said that I'm silly for not telling him...And gave up even before I tried...But, I guessed I've already knew his answer d...I remembered he said that he doesn't like girls that is not tough...And being a tough girl, it's not really easy...remember I said that I wanted to be like Xia Mo who is really a tough and cool girl? But still, I failed...Of course, I never cry in front of people la...But that also doesn't mean I'm tough when I always cry myself alone...
People who knew me knows that I'm easily shattered although I looked like I'm tough in front of them by being happy-go-lucky most of the time...But, to be the truth, I'm not tough at all...:C
Saturday, July 30, 2011
明知我爱你
告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定...
放弃你 忘记你 只怕我无法前进...
不知道为什么会如此无理紧张你...
我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫...
明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你...
我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语
该如何整理 幸福在手里
我恨自己 无能为力
明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你
我假装不在意 反而痛了自己
多痛都可以 不能没有你
只想永远永远爱你
你知不知道我也没关系
告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定
但为何 到如今 我依然无法前进
不知道为什么会如此无理紧张你
我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫
明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你
我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语
该如何整理 幸福在手里
我恨自己 无能为力
明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你
我假装不在意 反而痛了自己
多痛都可以 不能没有你
只想永远永远爱你
你知不知道我也没关系
明知道我爱你
假装不在意
多痛都可以
不能没有你
只想永远永远爱你
你知不知道真的没关系
我也没关系…没关系……
My Heart Started to Ache...
I never know that my heart could be aching this badly...
Never did I felt such way...apart from feeling the same way for Strawberry that time...
But, the 1-sided feelings for Strawberry was not the aching type, it's the happy and heart-racing type...
But this time, I never knew that there is someone that actually made me felt almost the same way, but at the same time, making my heart aches so badly...
I guessed going to the doctor wouldn't be able to cure this heart ache...
That's why I drank so much yesterday...that I was so dead drunk and totally couldn't remember what I did to the guy that took care of me...And I don't even know who took care of me too until I asked a close friend of mine from NY...
All along I thought it was him...Perhaps my imagination was because they wore almost the same shirt? And I not sure if I mumbled things to him..And I asked James if I said something like " .........." to him and he replied that i said something into along that line...Oh my oh my...I'm afraid that I am actually told him that I liked someone...Gone are my secrets...>.<
Ugh...Each time I talked about you..Each time I think about you...It seems that you're always on my mind...And I kept hearing your names...But, each time when people didn't mention your name, i mistakenly heard your name...
When people compliment about you, I am delighted, excited...It's like my life was in heaven...You can't even describe those feelings...I realized it was LOVE. But, can someone teach me how to pull myself out of this quicksand?
Though I really felt suffered, I realized I'm willing to be the one suffer rather than him suffer after knowing that I liked him...I still don't know if he knows it, but if he doesn't, I really never want him to know...
Know what? I realized that he actually has lots of girls around him. And they are of better requirements than me...So, I guessed that I should be the one giving up right? People said that I have 2 choice...
1) Oh Ha Ni's style. To be brave and dare to chase after their happiness...
2) Jan Di's style. Just leave it like that, don't want to let him know. Instead, wish for his happiness and help him to be together with the other girl, if can.
I think I'd be in route 2. Since I'm not the one who is brave to chase after my happiness and kept letting them go away...Yeah, that's me. I don't know how to chase after the person I like cause I'd kept comparing myself with the person he likes...And I don't have all those personalities that guys will like, that's tough.
I'm weak. I cry easily. Sigh, of course there are other guys around me too. But, none of them are my cup of coffee...But particularly, i had some selfishness in me cause I got thought of wanting him to be with me...But afer a long thought, I think route 2 suits me better. Just leave it and wish for his happiness.
So,Mr Nice Guy, I really hope that you'd be able to chase after the girl you like...:)
Never did I felt such way...apart from feeling the same way for Strawberry that time...
But, the 1-sided feelings for Strawberry was not the aching type, it's the happy and heart-racing type...
But this time, I never knew that there is someone that actually made me felt almost the same way, but at the same time, making my heart aches so badly...
I guessed going to the doctor wouldn't be able to cure this heart ache...
That's why I drank so much yesterday...that I was so dead drunk and totally couldn't remember what I did to the guy that took care of me...And I don't even know who took care of me too until I asked a close friend of mine from NY...
All along I thought it was him...Perhaps my imagination was because they wore almost the same shirt? And I not sure if I mumbled things to him..And I asked James if I said something like " .........." to him and he replied that i said something into along that line...Oh my oh my...I'm afraid that I am actually told him that I liked someone...Gone are my secrets...>.<
Ugh...Each time I talked about you..Each time I think about you...It seems that you're always on my mind...And I kept hearing your names...But, each time when people didn't mention your name, i mistakenly heard your name...
When people compliment about you, I am delighted, excited...It's like my life was in heaven...You can't even describe those feelings...I realized it was LOVE. But, can someone teach me how to pull myself out of this quicksand?
Though I really felt suffered, I realized I'm willing to be the one suffer rather than him suffer after knowing that I liked him...I still don't know if he knows it, but if he doesn't, I really never want him to know...
Know what? I realized that he actually has lots of girls around him. And they are of better requirements than me...So, I guessed that I should be the one giving up right? People said that I have 2 choice...
1) Oh Ha Ni's style. To be brave and dare to chase after their happiness...
2) Jan Di's style. Just leave it like that, don't want to let him know. Instead, wish for his happiness and help him to be together with the other girl, if can.
I think I'd be in route 2. Since I'm not the one who is brave to chase after my happiness and kept letting them go away...Yeah, that's me. I don't know how to chase after the person I like cause I'd kept comparing myself with the person he likes...And I don't have all those personalities that guys will like, that's tough.
I'm weak. I cry easily. Sigh, of course there are other guys around me too. But, none of them are my cup of coffee...But particularly, i had some selfishness in me cause I got thought of wanting him to be with me...But afer a long thought, I think route 2 suits me better. Just leave it and wish for his happiness.
So,Mr Nice Guy, I really hope that you'd be able to chase after the girl you like...:)
Friday, July 29, 2011
The Story of Us Might be Ending Soon...
Little Mitsuki was only 1 year old when she first taught to fly a kite...
Day by day, she started liking her kite a lot...
Her interest grew each day...Perhaps, she doesn't even realise about it in the first place of her interest...Till when she turned 15...
She wasn't happy when her little sister wants Mitsuki's kite instead of her own's one...But she thought that it's okay...So, she tried to play with her little sister's kite instead...And she thought that she might liked her little sister's kite since it's new and in good care...
But, as time passed, Mitsuki realized her real feelings...She realized that the has more affection for her kite that she used to play since young instead of her little sister's new kite...
Soon, she turned to 21...Mitsuki still like to play with her old kite...It's like nothing can be compared to it...But later, she realized that one day soon, she'll have to learn to let go of the kite since the thread might get worn off or something...
Two choices to choose:
1) To keep the kite...
2) To let go of it...
Mitsuki had enough of pains of thinking which choice to take....She thought that choice 2 is a better way cause the kite is not even a living thing, and it would not even have a single affection for her...
Day by day, she started liking her kite a lot...
Her interest grew each day...Perhaps, she doesn't even realise about it in the first place of her interest...Till when she turned 15...
She wasn't happy when her little sister wants Mitsuki's kite instead of her own's one...But she thought that it's okay...So, she tried to play with her little sister's kite instead...And she thought that she might liked her little sister's kite since it's new and in good care...
But, as time passed, Mitsuki realized her real feelings...She realized that the has more affection for her kite that she used to play since young instead of her little sister's new kite...
Soon, she turned to 21...Mitsuki still like to play with her old kite...It's like nothing can be compared to it...But later, she realized that one day soon, she'll have to learn to let go of the kite since the thread might get worn off or something...
Two choices to choose:
1) To keep the kite...
2) To let go of it...
Mitsuki had enough of pains of thinking which choice to take....She thought that choice 2 is a better way cause the kite is not even a living thing, and it would not even have a single affection for her...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Reason that she Cried is because of U
*A story about a girl named O.*
Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
Honestly, she really don't know what's in you that attracted her...And she didn't even realise that she actually liked you long ago until recently. No matter how she tries so hard to struggle her way out from the quicksand, the more she struggle, the more she was drown into it...To her, somehow you're like an addictive poison...Knowing that you'd pose a danger, but yet,...she can't seem to move herself away from you...Though she may not know you well, every little things you
did made her smile, at least when she has you near...
She was happy when people compliment you...
She smile when she hears your name...
She was excited when she knows that she'll be meeting you together with her friends...
But the thing is,
She was upset about some thing that happened a few days ago...
The misunderstandings...
The not-so-warm way you treated her suddenly...
The way you care for her became lesser...
And the most important thing is, the way you treat her now became so different from last time...
She never ask for your love...
She never ask to be with you...
What she wanted is, to just like you secretly...
Perhaps liking someone is a crime...
When the other person knew about it, they'd avoid us as much as they can...
That's the reason why I don't want the person I liked to know that I like him...
And liking someone are meant to be kept as secrets...
Can't someone just pretend that nothing at all when they knew that someone liked them, but the person they liked don't like them?
Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
Honestly, she really don't know what's in you that attracted her...And she didn't even realise that she actually liked you long ago until recently. No matter how she tries so hard to struggle her way out from the quicksand, the more she struggle, the more she was drown into it...To her, somehow you're like an addictive poison...Knowing that you'd pose a danger, but yet,...she can't seem to move herself away from you...Though she may not know you well, every little things you
did made her smile, at least when she has you near...
She was happy when people compliment you...
She smile when she hears your name...
She was excited when she knows that she'll be meeting you together with her friends...
But the thing is,
She was upset about some thing that happened a few days ago...
The misunderstandings...
The not-so-warm way you treated her suddenly...
The way you care for her became lesser...
And the most important thing is, the way you treat her now became so different from last time...
She never ask for your love...
She never ask to be with you...
What she wanted is, to just like you secretly...
Perhaps liking someone is a crime...
When the other person knew about it, they'd avoid us as much as they can...
That's the reason why I don't want the person I liked to know that I like him...
And liking someone are meant to be kept as secrets...
Can't someone just pretend that nothing at all when they knew that someone liked them, but the person they liked don't like them?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Greatest Mum on Earth
Of course my mum is the greatest mum on Earth...
This post should be posted on Sunday night, but I was too tired because I was working for 3 consecutive days...I called back home on Saturday night, but mum asked me to call on Sunday since dad is at home that time when I called, but he'd be in Thailand on Sunday-Thursday...
Yes, till now he's still angry with my for losing the scholarship. I really don't know how to convince him to forgive me. But perhaps, I don't deserve it. I just hope he'd understand one day, however. :C
I called mum, we chatted about an hour. Told her that I'm happy that day because it's the first time that I hitted 3rd tier that Sunday. And even in Expo, I didn't manage to hit that much...Although the last day in Expo I've got 10 vouchers, but with my own ability, I actually manage to sell 9 vouchers, and 1 voucher is given to me because Jenny helped me...
But Sunday, I managed to sell 11 vouchers while Alvin sold 12 vouchers...Although I don't manage to win his sales, I'm quite satisfied that I managed to be just a level below him. :) See how despo I am, right? Earning money is not easy ok...Sigh, I don't know why I know that earning money is not easy, but yet, when it comes to SPENDING MONEY ON FOOD, I really can spend on them de lo...What the HELL?! Sorry, forgive this little Miss Food Scientist that ADORES food a lots!
The thing that made me touched when I talked to mum is when she said she wants to put my name on the Arowana pond instead of my 2 leeches at home. Sorry to say that I might not really like my brothers, just because they make me think that guys like them are the worst on Earth. C'mon, my works also not really fun, as I have to face lots of challenges and people's angry stares and scoldings...But yet, I still work...But they? Just a lil hardships also can't face. Even if you asked me to wash dishes and housework-like chores, I also don't mind. But all they want is their face. Anyway, I'm not asking them to do this type of job also la...But at least they should find a job instead being a leech at home and ask money from mum right? Can't they learn to be independent? I really hate guys that rely on girls and dependent on family members...Honestly, I look down on such guys de lo...
Tears actually welled when she said that to me, But I asked her where she got the money to buy it. I can't really remember what she answered...But the first thing I really thought is, she really doesn't have to put my name on it. Cause I don't want to fight for treasures with those 3 guys later in future...You know, wealth can be a complication to families. Mum said that she wants to put my name to help me to reduce my burden at least a bit in the future...Cause she knew that Uncle Daniel might be borrowing me the money for my tuition fees..That's why she wanted to help me to reduce the burden a little also. I almost cried on the phone, but I tried so hard to resist so that she couldn't hear me sobbing....Literally I thanked her and she said it's okay...
But flashing back those days when I scolded her because of my stupid hot temper during hot weathers, I really regret. I always did things I regretted later, and I don't know why. But honestly, I really love mum a lot. And I was lucky that she actually knows that I had mood swings on hot weather, especially when I sweated and feeling hot. But she never blame me for it. She never even scold me when I'm wrong :C But I will really try hard to control my temper during stupid hot weathers..
I really hope that in future, I'd be able to bring mummy along to tour around...Since she's longed to tour, although she doesn't say so, but I can feel it in her eyes...But before that, I really wish that mummy's knee will get better, so that she can walk more...
If you were to ask me about the two person on EArth that I'd love, then it would sure be Mummy and Sis...
This post should be posted on Sunday night, but I was too tired because I was working for 3 consecutive days...I called back home on Saturday night, but mum asked me to call on Sunday since dad is at home that time when I called, but he'd be in Thailand on Sunday-Thursday...
Yes, till now he's still angry with my for losing the scholarship. I really don't know how to convince him to forgive me. But perhaps, I don't deserve it. I just hope he'd understand one day, however. :C
I called mum, we chatted about an hour. Told her that I'm happy that day because it's the first time that I hitted 3rd tier that Sunday. And even in Expo, I didn't manage to hit that much...Although the last day in Expo I've got 10 vouchers, but with my own ability, I actually manage to sell 9 vouchers, and 1 voucher is given to me because Jenny helped me...
But Sunday, I managed to sell 11 vouchers while Alvin sold 12 vouchers...Although I don't manage to win his sales, I'm quite satisfied that I managed to be just a level below him. :) See how despo I am, right? Earning money is not easy ok...Sigh, I don't know why I know that earning money is not easy, but yet, when it comes to SPENDING MONEY ON FOOD, I really can spend on them de lo...What the HELL?! Sorry, forgive this little Miss Food Scientist that ADORES food a lots!
The thing that made me touched when I talked to mum is when she said she wants to put my name on the Arowana pond instead of my 2 leeches at home. Sorry to say that I might not really like my brothers, just because they make me think that guys like them are the worst on Earth. C'mon, my works also not really fun, as I have to face lots of challenges and people's angry stares and scoldings...But yet, I still work...But they? Just a lil hardships also can't face. Even if you asked me to wash dishes and housework-like chores, I also don't mind. But all they want is their face. Anyway, I'm not asking them to do this type of job also la...But at least they should find a job instead being a leech at home and ask money from mum right? Can't they learn to be independent? I really hate guys that rely on girls and dependent on family members...Honestly, I look down on such guys de lo...
Tears actually welled when she said that to me, But I asked her where she got the money to buy it. I can't really remember what she answered...But the first thing I really thought is, she really doesn't have to put my name on it. Cause I don't want to fight for treasures with those 3 guys later in future...You know, wealth can be a complication to families. Mum said that she wants to put my name to help me to reduce my burden at least a bit in the future...Cause she knew that Uncle Daniel might be borrowing me the money for my tuition fees..That's why she wanted to help me to reduce the burden a little also. I almost cried on the phone, but I tried so hard to resist so that she couldn't hear me sobbing....Literally I thanked her and she said it's okay...
But flashing back those days when I scolded her because of my stupid hot temper during hot weathers, I really regret. I always did things I regretted later, and I don't know why. But honestly, I really love mum a lot. And I was lucky that she actually knows that I had mood swings on hot weather, especially when I sweated and feeling hot. But she never blame me for it. She never even scold me when I'm wrong :C But I will really try hard to control my temper during stupid hot weathers..
I really hope that in future, I'd be able to bring mummy along to tour around...Since she's longed to tour, although she doesn't say so, but I can feel it in her eyes...But before that, I really wish that mummy's knee will get better, so that she can walk more...
If you were to ask me about the two person on EArth that I'd love, then it would sure be Mummy and Sis...
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