A Walk Through the Garden and Post Awesome Brunch (with dardar)

Last Friday, we met up for a date. He promised to bring me walk around after exams and he kept his promise :) I know he has been trying to be a good bf to me since then. I guessed somehow our big fight in July has brought us closer and he's been trying to be a better bf now :)

So...I make an attempt to make lunch for us. It has been a wish of mine since young to cook a lunchbox for my bf/husband and seeing him eating the food I've made happily. Hahahaha! It's my first attempt to make chicken burgers. Thank God the burgers turned out well and I'm so glad that he liked it, especially the caramelized onions. Hehehe :D

Hahaha...It started drizzling about 10 minutes after we reached Botanic Gardens. So, we stopped by the shelter and I had my lunch since I'm feeling so hungry. After the rain stopped, we continue touring around the garden and take some photos. Hahaha. Those photos are my crazy signature poses. Don't think that anyone would pose like me in photos. Hahahaha! Hope no one stomp me doing weird poses. LOL.

Then again, after probably about 1.5 hours of walk, it started to rain again -.-''. And this time, it's heavier. So, we seek a shelter and he had his lunch :D Then, there was me, looking anticipated to see him chomping down my burger. The moment the rain get less heavier, we decided to walk with umbrellas although it's still raining. Hehehe. Not sure why it feels kind of romantic to walk around with him with one umbrella under the rain :P

After we're done touring around Botanic Gardens, we headed to IKEA to find my sister's plate. 'Cause I've accidentally broke her plate :O Then we had dinner around the hawker food area :) Really don't want the day to end so early :(  'Cause I started missing him the moment we parted. :(


***

Yesterday we've dine at the Canopy Garden Dining in AMK together with his friends. The foods there are so awesome! Hahaha. It's my first time trying out Eggs Royale, so I pretty much doesn't have other Eggs Royale to compare with. Here's the photos of the food I've ordered:

Hahaha. Seriously I love the green salad. The tangy taste is so unique, I couldn't quite identify what is the sauce they used. Is it balsamic vinegar? I'm not quite sure. But it's lovely! Then we watched Hobbits. :) Means can have a little more time spent with him <3 Aww...I really wished I can carry him back to my home. LOL.

Happy Day :)

Today he came over to my house. I've cooked lunch for both of us --> Pan Seared Chicken Thigh and Sauteed Asparagus and Mexican Corn Salad.

Hahaha. I'm a really lousy cook. LOL. But it's really my first time cooking chicken thigh. I'm not fond of eating chicken thigh, don't ask me why. I prefer chicken breast. So, just all of sudden, I decided to cook chicken thigh 'cause I'm afraid that the chicken breast may be too dry for his liking. I just wanna cook something decent for him. LOL. But turns out to be something different from what I'm expected. Perhaps, I should stick with chicken breast. LMAO.

So... we cooked together. He helped out when I pan-seared the chicken thigh. Perhaps because of my lack of experience, his chicken thigh came out to be bloody at one part. I'm not quite sure if that part is still raw, but I told him not to eat it. I don't wanna give him diarrhea because of my food. What a failure I am. :(
And worst is, I cooked asparagus for the first time too. LOL. Maybe next time I should rely on sight instead of Internet. 'Cause while Internet mentioned to sauteed it for 5-7 minutes, and I insisted to cook for 5 minutes, but our asparagus turn out to be overcooked even before 5 minutes. -.-''  AHHHHH....So failed at this timing. :(

Hehehe...But but but...he said that the chicken thigh seasoning was nice....although I spammed a lot of black pepper ('cause I love spamming my food with black pepper. LOL!) And for the Mexican corn salad, while sour taste is something that I've liked/ acquired, he is not the kind who really likes sourish food. Hahahahaha! Next time I should be less generous on the lemon juice instead :P

And...he also carried me today <3 Hm...it's like a husband carrying his wife on his wedding day. Hahahahaha. Felt so loved. ^_^ And I really wanna thank you a lot for treating me tonight with so much yummy food that I've been craving for <3 I know $70 is not cheap, but I'll definitely give you a treat back once I've found a job :)  I'll treat you yummy Mexican food at Lucha Loco okie~~ <3    I'm sure you'll like it :D :D :D

Eating A LOT

I've been eating a lot the past few months. OMG. Feeling constantly hungry. I'm like eating almost every hour. LOL. Okay. Every hours is too much. But yeah, I've snack a lot the past few months. LOLOLOL.
Anyway, I'm quite upset that I've to reject my friend's invite to Lucha Loco for the Mexican cuisine that I've always wanted to try. Been having some financial hurdles, hence need to save up 'cause I've seen the reviews from Hungrygowhere.com and Lucha Loco's food is actually pretty pricey (average price spent is $65/person) although it's really authentic and had lots of good reviews (and also by food critics). I really really want to come to that place one day. Seriously. I wanted to try their ceviche and their tacos and also their COCKTAILS~~~! Sorry, I love liquor. LMAO! I'm really dying to come and feast on their foods. Hahahaha.

LUCHA LOCO - I'll come back to you one day. SOON. Also, I'll love to try Mex Out and Muchachos for their burritos one day. PRobably after I get a job.

Yummy foods gives me pleasure :D  You know, that kind of satisfaction and awesome feelings that you just wouldn't want it to stop. That's why some people say "Tasty foods give people orgasm". An awkward statement, but it's definitely true.

p/s: http://www.hungrygowhere.com/gallery/15-mexican-dishes-to-try-in-singapore-*gid-602f0400/photos/#dfeb0000

Just Another Day of Ranting

So, my sister just gave the sarcastic "Wah" the moment she saw me holding 4 bags of groceries. Actually, only 2 of the bags are full of stuffs. One bag contained the bananas and another bag contained the baby spinach and cheese. I actually heard her asking me in an "alarmed and shocked" manner, "Wah! You bought SO MANY things again ah?" Luckily I was on my earphones, I pretended that I didn't heard her question and asked, "You called me?" (Just to be polite). She kept silent so I acted as if she didn't call me. Then when I walked pass her, she gave me the sarcastic "Wah", which I'm super annoyed.

Hey, I know my sister. That kind of "Wah" is definitely not the amazed "Wah", but the sarcastic one. I'm not trying to stock up the refrigerator with my foods. I buy and I eat them within 1 week! And please don't expect me, with only $200/month, how do you think I can survive without cooking for myself instead of dining out? And transportation alone already costed me about $100+/month. Can't you, as a sister, be understanding? Plus, the refrigerator, even if it looked a little suffocated, that's because of your fruits and vegetables that's been lying for months, not mine. You could have cleared up the fridge by discarding those groceries that had been laying in the fridge for more than a week.

Okay, Let me tell you why I cooked for myself. Firstly, dining out, ONE MEAL alone already costed AT LEAST $3.50. Imagine if you have to dine out for every meal per week, it would definitely cost me at least $73.50 ! Sorry, I'm always hungry, so I'd need my 3 meals/week. BUT....when I'm planning to cook for myself, I can reduce the cost about almost 50%. Meaning that, each week, I'm setting my budget of about $25 - $40 on groceries alone, which can last me for the entire week. See the difference in the cost? That's why I've been cooking a lot lately because if I'm dining out, the remaining $100 would definitely wouldn't be enough for me to shop for other necessities.

IT'S effing frustrating when staying under the same roof with so much restriction. I mean we're family right? I felt more like a stranger in the house than being a part of the family. Damn, if only I can own my own house here.

Been busy lately with my new blog as well as my school assignments. So far, my grades for my term paper are considered alright. Still above average, but as usual, I'm not satisfied 'cause I always have this thinking that I can actually do better! I think it's the kind of mentality we usually had after studying in Singapore for a few years.

And I just had a great meetup with one of my good friend in NUS. We've known one another for 2 years. Time flies. We really had a great chat and spent quality time together. It's not something that one can always get when you've entered into the university. Friendship became harder to maintain as we grew older and it takes two hands to clap. Just like any other relationships.

And yeah, I agree with her that I should learn to be more assertive. This is the 2nd time a friend telling me this. I know I'm the kind of person who wouldn't dare to speak up etc. But you see, only real friends will warn you so that you don't get bullied.

And lastly, this blog will still be continued  :)

People always said that whenever you have problems, you can just turn to your family. But not everyone is that privilege. When I found out that I had a huge problem (involving money), due to delayed payment of my tuition fees, talking to my family will not help. In fact, it's like a Chinese phrase "Guan ni qu si". Even the richer sibling also refused to provide any help. Ask you to get other help YOURSELF. I bet if one day if I'm lying in the hospital with sone serious condition that requires freaking huge amount of money, they wouldn't even care. Why? 'Cause I know my family more than anyone else!

Harsh to say that but it's true. It seems like all of sudden you got disowned when you need huge amount of money for whatever reasons. That's why whenever people keep telling me if I have any problems, I should tell my family. Sorry, I just wanna say that my family are not like any other typical families out there. I'm not that lucky like many of you. Alot of things, especially financial wise, I have to depend on my own.

You know sometimes I really wished I can be like my friends. When they wanna go holidays/overseas/etc...all they need to do is just ask money from their parents. Honestly, I really wished to have such a good life. But hell no. Life wasn't that good for me. Although I don't have to go such an extend to sell myself like some more underprivileged girls. Anyway, I know many would say that people should be contented with what they have. But things are easier to be said than done. Honestly. If people are easily contented with what they have, then why are there still so many complaints around?

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Time Flies

Ever noticed how fast the time flies?
Yesterday was only Monday but soon Friday is fast approaching.
It always seemed that the time flies faster during the school term.


I'd probably need to be serious and start mugging as soon as possible in order to get good grades for my final semester. It's my final semester anyway, should give the very best I can. I'm left with only 3 weeks to finals.

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Oh, Recess Week

One thing about NUS is that recess week is never a "recess" week. Usually, deadlines of the loads of assignments, projects and also MIDTERMS will be coming up right after the recess week. So, you'll never get a rest from the recess week. Trust me, you'll have to work like a machine during this week. Or robot.

And sadly to say, although I have 2 group projects coming up, it seems that I'm the only one who is doing the work. Seriously, I can show you the amount of work that they've done. Some daringly did 0% of work, while some did like maybe 5% of the work (?) I seriously don't like people leeching through and get credits from the works I've done. But sometimes it's not because we didn't communicate, but although we emailed/Whatsapp-ed, some of them never even replied although their last seen was xx/yy/zz. It really annoyed me, but it's not that I can just write an email and complain. Just like what my bf said, how old are we to complain? Imagine things like this happened, do you think you can always complain to your boss? It's like showing to your boss that you're not capable of showing teamwork.

You know it's frustrating, but there is little you can do about it. How do you avoid being said incapable of showing teamwork while you don't want others to leech and get credits from the amount of works and efforts you put in? :(

Done reading SSA2211 Chp3

So, I've done reading 3 chapters of my SS textbook.n I can tell you that I'm such a slow reader :(

Started reading it since yesterday 2pm and then finished 2 chaps around 8pm. The words are actually very "cheem" that I've to constantly "consult" in the dictionary for the meanings. Thanks to the creation of a smartphone that I can install TheFreeDictionary app which I think is pretty cool, cause they have this widget which comes with the Word of the Day, so I can actually learn new words everyday :)
Seriously needa improve my bad bad English. I'm not trying to aim to high but I do hope that I can get at least a B+ for my SS mod.

Anyway, to wrap things up, I think ( I THINK) that I've finally able to get hold of the idea whether Singapore was actually strategic or not. I guessed, it's not merely about the strategicity of a location, but the main importance is the flow of trade and the power of the key trade as well. Why Temasek (now known as Singapore) was an established/chief entrepot port during the late 13th century and early 14th century was because of the trading patterns, especially from the China market. However, thereafter, it ceded to Melaka probably because Melaka declared loyalty to the Ming court which makes it became the key port of call in the Melaka straits for the Chinese imperial navy. (China was one of the main key markets for the ports in the Melaka straits.) So, in a way, if you make connections with the higher power or whatsoever, you can actually fluorish in terms economically and politically.

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I seriously dislike people breaking their promises. Really hate it when you got all excited bout the plans, then the person tell you at the last minute that he/she can't make it. Teared up yet filled with anger. Supposed to be a good day today but it just spoiled my mood.

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Oh, Depressing Weight :'(

Am so depressed with my current weight. I've never came across this number before :'(

I have to work very hard to bring my weight down. Must go for swimming tomorrow! >.<

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Pekkkkk chekkkkkk ahhhhhhh

Sucky NUS ISB and The MRT Red line...why all these sooo suckkkkyyyy. :(
Keep making me late for classes no matter how early I tried to get to school. _|_

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You know it's annoying when people give you the look as if you were their competitor and questions you a lot if you're taking Honours and why are you taking this module. Seriously, I came to the class for interest and learning, do I have to sit for an "interview" before the class? DUH!

And that P, the moment she saw me in the class, she looked so sian. Then she came and sit beside me and said that "I didn't know that you're taking this module ALSO" in a sad tone. Lol. I felt like shooting her back and say, "Yeah, I can't be here to take this mod?"

I know I know. A lot of people like her but seriously I'm exceptional 'cause I think she's a bit fake. Sometimes I think she always tries to act innocent which really disgusted me alot. It's kind of sad that those good people from my class already graduated/lefted..so leaving behind those not very good ones aka bitchy ppl. I can name you quite a number. Lol.

Okay, if I can get this module, I'm hoping to get at least B for that. Hello people who think that I'm their competitor, sorry I'm not going to compete with you. :) I'm competing with myself :) Lol. But I think I gotta be very careful of those bitchy ones since I'm quite close to the lecturer in a way due to my personality. I mean what if some crazy bitch spread fake rumors around. If you know what I mean.

Anyway, it's a new semester and also my last semester. Let's mug kao kao and if I'll get that mod, I will fight till the end. Ughh...forget bout the grades and my low confidence in myself, just do the very best I can and put all my efforts in my studies and score the best I can. Ssshhh...I actually wanted to score at least an A- and above. Don't tell the bitches. :)

p/s: It's nice to be able to chat and walk back (to the bus stop, lol) with the lecturer like a friend. He's really a nice man in my personal opinion. I can tell you there is no lecturer (that I've met so far) that is so passionate bout teaching and putting efforts in making the class to be fun and enjoyable like him. Lol, and he made us do "speed dating" on our first lesson. Lol. If only this class has no one that I know (ahem), I bet it would be more fun! Just like our first day in Abbott. :)

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Touching Movie :(

Okay. First of all, I don't know why there's nude in the picture of this movie. BUT, seriously, this movie does not have any sex content at all!

It's actually a very nice and touching movie. Okay, it's a Korean movie about pregnancy and responsibility.. The girl got pregnant but what surprised me the most is the way the boy actually accepted that it is his responsibility. Initially, I thought like most guys, he will deny the baby etc etc. But, the way he loved and pampered his girlfriend after knowing that she had his child really touches me a lot. It made me wonder if there would be such a guy in this world? :(

And he loved her so much that he is willing to go through all the steps of challenges - meeting the girl's parents, telling the truth, overcoming the obstacles after the girl's parent objected them being together etc. :(
Sometimes, it is what an imperfect love that makes love more perfect.
You don't need a perfect marriage to show how loving a couple are.
Their wedding may not be the best but if I'm the girl, I would think it's the most perfect wedding ever.
Life is simple, why make it so complicated?

The Day I Found Out His Secret xD

Let me introduce you to this man before I continue to tell you bout the excitement I had today :)

Lincoln Lim - Abbott's Global Formulations Development, Area Director, Asia Pacific

So, from his position, you can know that he holds quite a high position in Abbott right? :)
Even though he holds a high position,he's the kind of man who is humble and down-to-earth. Even if we're only interns, he will come to talk to us like buddies and greet us each time he walked pass us and even opened the door for us to walk in. I mean these kind of things normally people with high position wouldn't do this, especially when we are just an intern. This is what I liked bout him :)

Hahaha. Wished I had a father like him. I realized he can be a very good lecturer from the day I saw him giving explanation to kids bout the Mentos & Coke phenomenon. Lol. And guessed what I just found out today? This is what I'll be blogging bout today.

Since June, Lincoln kept asking me if the modules listing are out yet. As I'm curious, I casually asked him "Why?". He then jokingly told me that he wanted to take modules in NUS. I genuinely believed him but yet suspected that he's joking. So, thinking maybe because he is interested to know the modules offered by NUS, I helped him to look out when the modules listing will be out.

So, the listings are out in early July. So, he asked me again (he asked me almost every week since June. hahaha) and I told him it's already out. Then he asked me how to access to the module listings and etc. Then, I asked him to come over to my desk so that I can show him. (Lol. I know it's quite impolite to direct him to my place but I guessed he wont mind since we're nearby) So, he asked me which are the FST modules. Then, I just showed him the lists. He then asked me to open "FST 5225" and see whether cn check the syllabus or not. That time I still did not suspect anything yet. So, I just told him can't check the syllabus. I genuinely forgotten that syllabus can be checked through IVLE! Then, he said, "Miss Ong, I recommend you to take this mod! Highly recommended!"
Then I just laughed it off and told him it's not so possible coz its a graduate's module and pre-requisite is to gain permission from the lecturer. Each day since then he will walk pass my place casually and tell me to take FST5225 and he highly recommended me to take..

So....today he reminded me to take the module again. Then he asked Yi Xiang and me if can check the weightage of the midterms, about E-learning, how lecturers record videos during E-learning, etc. It was damn funny la coz Yi Xiang very smart as she started to suspect that Lincoln probably will be the lecturer. if not, why he asked these questions if he wants to take the module. Hahaha. So cute right.
He kept denying. Thereafter, I recalled that syllabus and midterm weightage can be checked through IVLE if updated. So I searched for the module through IVLE, and honestly, I didn't notice the module facilitator's name till Yi Xiang (she's very observant,haha) asked me to go back and see the module facilitator's name. Then, Yi Xiang said the name is Lincoln's name! Then Lincoln kept denying and said could be other person. Hahaha. Cant stop laughing. Then, we checked and it turns out that he is the lecturer! OMG! I'm so excited, don't know why. Then, Yi Xiang said it's his email address, couldn't be other person. Then, Lincoln kept denying and said it's not official. Lol. We broke his secret. Hahaha.

But really OMG. I'm like really....got shocked but yet feeling excited. Hahaha. I wished he would allow me to crash course so that I can learn. Coz I cant risk my CAP anymore :(
Plus if I'm taking FST mod, I wont be able to S/U it. :'(

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Memories Captured within A Song

Do you believe that memories can be captured within a song?

I was listening to the online radio and "Liu xing yu" was being played. Flashbacks of old memories came by. It feels like the memories were as fresh as if it just happened yesterday.

I admit this song is like our song (me and first ex). 'Cause our love seems like started after we watched Meteor Garden when we were on family holiday. That time we were so young and innocent. It's so cute when he would beg my dad so that I can go on a trip with his family, pampered me, making sure I'm always safe (although he is just 10 and I'm only 11 that time, lol). These Bittersweet memories that would made me teared up. It's like the kind of fresh memories of how he started courting me to the day we broke up and the day he hurted me so much that I gave up on love.

These kind of memories I've forgotten long ago after 5years of trying hard to forget and forgive him. But the moment I heard this song, all memories and flashback came by as it just happened yesterday. :'(

Normally when this happened, I would take a few hours to calm myself down. It's not because I still love him, but...I guessed it's just sometimes memories and scars would stay although the wounds are healed.

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Boobies

So, the topic for today is about Boobs.

Honestly, I am a person who is pretty obsessed with boobs, to a point of considering breast augmentation. *Ooops*

I know, I know, many are against of this idea. -.-''
Personally, I'm just tempted to go for it, doesn't mean that I would do it since it's a lifetime commitment. Also, part of it is because I'm afraid of picturing myself lying on the table top, being cut opened by the knife and injected.

Aww...but seriously, I'm really jealous when I saw friends or women with big boobs. Worst is when the girls who are much younger than you have much bigger boobs than yours :(  There goes my self esteem and then I would like "Why aren't my boobs are as big as theirs? :("

I just wanna grow maybe 2 cups bigger, that's all. :(  Just 2 cups BIGGER. I'm hoping for either D/E cup :D
Okay, if I reveal my size (which I won't), some of you would say "yours already quite okay already". But seriously, to me it's not! Maybe it's because I think mine is underdeveloped? Cause I feel that mine wasn't the size that I think/measured as it is.

Anyway, I will try the NBE methods first. Previously, I think drinking fennel tea helps a little? Maybe I grew 0.5 in. but it seems to get stagnant at that size. :(
Otherwise, if drinking it doesn't help to improve further, may have to consider other options. >.<
Wanted to try PM but heard that it has side effects.
Ughh....I don't wanna rub with fish oil though 'cause I don't wanna smell fishy. >.<
Maybe I should try consuming more phytoestrogens from real foods? :D
Something like soy milk, more vegetables, etc. Hehehehe :D

Love Languages

Sometimes it's funny when it comes to love.
Recently, I've read that love should contain 3 key ingredients - intimacy, passion and commitment.

In the previous week, we talked about the 5 love languages:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

This link provides a good source of understanding these languages: http://www.separatedmen.com/articles/love_languages.asp

So, as for me, if I were to rate these languages from the most important (number 1) to least important (number 5), it would be:

1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Acts of Service
4. Words of affirmation
5. Receiving Gifts


I'm pretty sure that #1 has always been neglected in my case. Spending quality time has always been important to me. I did have a hard time weighing #2 and #3 as they're both equally important to me. But I guessed I'm the kind of girl who likes a lot of intimacy (well, I don't mean sex) as I would always want my partner to hold my hand while we're walking, or maybe putting his arms around me, hugs me, cuddles with me, etc. You know, it's like sometimes when you're walking in the park and you saw old couples still holding hands and hugging one another, you would wish that you would find someone who would grow old with you and still loves you despite of the wrinkles on your face etc. It does sounds like a fairytale, but I am not confident about the existence of true love at all when it comes to the generation I'm in. What I mean is, it seems that true love only exists in the older generation, but does it still exist in the later generation? Well, a small part of me still hopes that it exist.

You know, sometimes, life is pretty confusing. For example, I always wished to have a love life like those in the movies/ dramas, but when it comes to myself experiencing it, I find it too complicated to deal with. :(

The Great People in Abbott :)

Since the first week I started my internship in Abbott, everything was great. Life has been good for me. New friends...Love...Let me introduce to the people I've known in Abbott:

1) Yi Xiang

She's the tallest girl among us (the interns). Hehehe... Sometimes, it feels like we have certain things in similar and I felt that she is someone I can be trusted with :) Especially when asking for advice and relationship talks. I'm so glad that we can meet and know each other more closely through this internship :)

2) Li Chun

She is someone who is very cute. Can be a little hyper at times. Like to sabo me, Edmund and Stanley a lot. Oh yeah, she's also quite funny at times, especially when she's in the hyper mode. Hahaha. :)

3) Noviabella

Her name is very unique, right? When I first heard this name, I was like.."Whoa...so unique!". And I feel she's also pretty :D  Oh btw, she's from Indonesia too :)

4) Yoon Her

A Korean lady who's studying MBA in NUS. I feel that she's hardworking. Hehehe. Especially when she told us that she would feel guilty if she had lunch over 1 hour. :|

5) Yanyao

Hmm....to me, she's quite quiet. But she can be funny at times, when she came over to my place occasionally and pointed at the rainbow colour on the ceiling. Haha.

6) Elaine

Hohoho...finally, this is my junior :DD  She's quite cheeky I think. But it's really fun to be with her too. Hahahaha...and yeah, you'll get shocked from the things she said to you sometimes (well, to me and the guys mostly). Hahaha...But, honestly, it's fun to hang out with her :D

7) Edmund

The guy that likes chocolate and sing karaoke. :D
LOL. He's also someone who also always got saboed :P  Hahaha...

8) Stanley

The guy (oops boy) that never grows up. LOL. He's also from Indonesia btw.

9) Jia Le

The guy that likes to use the "shocked" look emoticons in the Whatsapp chat. So epic. Hahahaha :D   He's a funny and kind guy :)

The above are interns. Now, let's talk bout the real people who worked in Abbott..

1) Jun Jie (mentor)

Hehehe...his look and character is quite similar to my brother-in-law. He gave me a lot of insights on the Sensory field and guidance. Sometimes, it really feels like he was like a good brother to me :)

2) Dawn (mentor)

Dawn was like a senior and sister to me at times. :) She's also from NUS too, 2006 batch. Although sometimes I may have a little fear for her, she's kind to me too. She also provided me a lot of guidance and taught me a lot. It's great to work together with her too.

3) Mr. Sheeram

Hehehe...This man was really kind to me. Always greeted me "Morning" and "Goodbye, Miss" . He also recommended me to some people in Abbott (eg. Ai Mei) as he knew that I'm graduating soon. So, he will always reminded me to talk with the Food Science people in Abbott to get some insights and advices and also reminded me to start hunting for jobs now. He's like a great father, isn't it? :)

4) Mr. Saikart

According to Dawn, Mr. Saikart was a genius and also a scholar. He's an expert in packaging. Hence, when we did sensory evaluation together, at times when Dawn asked for advices regarding packaging, I get to learn something. :) It's good to be able to learn something out of your "intern field" at times. :) Oh yeah, btw, he's also has a cute character :D

5) Ai Mei

I always wanted to know her since the first week. I don't know why, but maybe it's because she was from my hometown? Hehehe...Well, she was Stanley's supervisor. I feel that she's a friendly and humble person :)

6) Jeffrey Tan

Hehehe...I just know that he's the most good looking guy in the Biopolis (Centros) office. :P
He's the IT guy, hmm...not married. Seems to be single. But kind of flirty? LOL. But he's also funny la...I mean, the way he joked bout certain things. Like when he walked pass my desk, and I was holding a wet tissue that time, then he asked "Wah, zuo gong zuo dao diao yan lei ah?" Then, I just laughed at it. Yeah, he's funny. :D


Nevertheless, there are quite a number of others that are really nice in Abbott too... Like those that greeted me and smiled to me when they walked pass my desk. :) It's seems to be great to work in Abbott.

I guessed I'm Just a Girl who wants Stability and Security

When I was younger, just like any girls, we would want guys who could provide us the 5Cs.

Well, as I grew more mature (self-denial about my age, well all girls do), as I gained better view of different kinds of people through life experiences etc, I began to think that if 5Cs is something you can achieve with your own ability, won't you feel it's much better to rely on your own achievements than to rely on someone to provide you the 5Cs?

Well, I don't really have good views/impressions on the rich people. In fact, I don't have good views for most of them. I've seen much, but I believe there are some good ones? So, for me, I would prefer getting things with my own ability. I guessed because sometimes I want good stuffs ( for eg. Foods) for myself, I would feel guilty if I'm "requesting" from someone. Obviously, if I pay it myself, I won't feel bad or guilty. Maybe because of this, I usually prefer going Dutch. 'Coz I would felt uncomfortable when someone paid for my expensive food. Sorry, I'm a glutton! I love foodies, especially nice foods with great ambience. But that doesn't mean I don't eat hawker foods! I love them as long as they're at least edible (:

To cut a long story short, I realized 5Cs is not important. I had a long thought the past few days. Sometimes, it's hard to make a decision. Happiness - is it something that I can choose? I'm not even sure if an average girl like me has such luxury choices? Sometimes I just hope that I can turn down the voices in my head. But, in the end, I guessed I'm just an average girl who wants 2 Ss (Security & Stability) from my partner.

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My Phone Sex Partner

Watched My Phone Sex Partner yesterday and realized that me and Yoon Jeong had quite a few similarities (and differences of course).

I won't go into too details what are our similarities though. But I know, just like her, I'm just an average girl who wants stability in a relationship. Love is so confusing. It seems that we know what we wanted, but at times, we can't make up our mind...We are just an average person with nothing, who are we to ask for much things? *deep silent*

A few things I learned though:

1) You know, sometimes the harder we tried to please someone, the more we looked like a fool.

2) It's really pathetic to pretend to be blind. Sometimes, we may keep our eyes closed because we value the relationship, but it doesn't mean we don't know. We knew that if we speak up, it could end the relationship. Then, slowly, it becomes something. It's not the sense of betrayal. It's the unfamiliarity that you first felt.

3) Love is a cycle - we meet, fall in love, part away, get hurt and we meet again. Some people get married because they're tired repeating the cycle. I just hope that I can always be in the "fall in love" stage forever.

4) " I Love You" - what it actually means? Does it became a routine? Or the words that can just easily came off from our mouth? When someone said this, how can we be sure if it's genuine or it's just because it's a routine? Does someone say this because they really felt it that way? That special kind of feeling?

Anyway, if you're interested in the summary, here is the link: http://dramadebussie.com/2013/01/14/drama-debussie-summary-review-my-p-s-partner-2012/

I felt that I can really watch this movie again and again. Cried so bad for the first time watching. I didn't know it could be this sad. Nevertheless, this movie is really of a fresh idea. I like the story line and how it climax. My rating for this movie? 5/5 of course. For me, it's perfect. :)

Day 0 and Day 1 Summary @ Abbott

Day 0 (13/5/2013)

Today was awesome. Initially, I thought I'd be dead. My phone clock shows that it was 8.35am when I reached Centros :(  But, the moment I reached Abbott at Level 9, their clock shows 8.30am. I thanked God that I was just on time, instead of late. And luckily, there was another intern peer in the same lift as me, coming for the on-boarding session. So, at least, I wasn't the "latest" for that session. :\

But, I think I didn't really give a good initial impression, due to the sweat from climbing up the hill and activated panic button in my body. So, I keep trying to make myself to cool down while Payal gave her introduction about her and the aim of the orientation. Luckily, I managed to cool down by the time she asked us to form groups and find 10 common things that everyone in the group shared. It was fun. From there, I got to know Edmund, Noviabella, Elaine (she's from FST too, but my junior :)), and Roanna (she's really very smart). So, we did a quick ice-breaking and tried very hard to find 10 common things that all of us shared. All of us are from NUS except Roanna (she's from NTU).

After that small game, we get back to our seats and listen to Payal continuing her talk. However, I noticed that the girl (Fan Hui) who sat opposite me, kept giving me stares as if I'm her enemy :(
Seriously, I've never even met her or talked to her. So, I don't understand why she would seemed to hate me so much. Initially, I thought maybe she just looked that way but it proves me wrong when we're in the same lift after the on-boarding session. Her face filled with so much hatred when she saw me entering the lift with Yanyao. Seriously, I don't know since when I stepped on her nerves. IS it even possible for someone to hate you that much although you've never even met or interacted? I never steal her bf for sure. But why?

Okay, let's not allow one spoiled egg to spoil my mood. Then, Mr. Chandra came and give us a talk. His speech was truly engaging and interacting. He has a lot of humor too. So, I laughed a lot throughout his talk. In fact, I think I laughed too loud in one of his jokes. Oops. There goes my innocent, quiet reputation. LOL. Sometimes, though, I'm afraid of his question. He would randomly call your name and ask you question to make sure that you actually listen to what he talked. LOL. And yeah, there's also a lot of group work/games. and brainstorming session. Most of the tasks given involves a lot of brainstorming for ideas and our views.

Then we had a break and sandwich for lunch. I didn't expect sandwich can be that filling. Hahahaa. but it's yummy. They also serve us fruits. Omnomnom :) Also, I managed to talk to Yanyao who was in the same lift with me this morning and sat beside me :) Later on, I also talked  to some other people who were not from my group - eg. Yoon Her (she's a Korean <3_<3 and she's pretty too!). Ehh...I was too shy among the guys, so I didn't even ask them :(   Although I really wanted to know Stanley. I think he's cute and looks like a Korean actor. LOL. Hahahahaha! The on-boarding session ended at 5pm. So, we dismissed and went back around 5.05pm. Overall, it's really great!

Day 1 (14/5/2013)

So, I came early today ^_^  Am supposed to report around 9am, but reached Centros around 8.35am. Seriously, everyday working at Abbott may make you slim. Hahahaha. Why do I say so? 'Cause I have to climb up the hill everyday in the morning :\

I met another guy (sorry can't remember his name, not sure if it's Li Zhe (?) ) and we talked a little and went to the office together. So, Tan Jing brought us in and it was very cute of her to introduce both of us to the coffee machine. In fact, some of her colleagues (my supervisor and Daisy) laughed at her for introducing us to the coffee machine as our orientation. But, she defended for herself that it is very important for us to know how to use the coffee machine. Hahahaha. I have yet to use though. But manage to pick up some knowledge on how to operate it. :)  It does look like some analytical instrument though. Hahaha! Then, I was brought to my desk. Initially I sat beside Noviabella. So excited bout it. But I was changed to the Hot Desk area then because of Daisy. I will tell you more about that later on.

Then, I was brought around the Sensory Prep Area and Sensory Booth by Li Juan. Then, she explained about the Organizational Structure of the company and some documentation of compliance that we, the sensory people has to generate for QA people and stuffs. Also, she told me to report to her on my learning and tasks done every Friday, etc. I was also introduced to the company's library portal which has lots of journals and books and patents as well. Apart from that, I was also required to do self learning from the Abbott lectures and also do the quizzes consistently, which she will be checking from time to time. Thereafter, she introduced me to Dawn and Jun Jie (he's also the person who interviewed me :P). Both of them would be my mentors. :)

Then, we had Environmental, Health and Safety (EHS) Orientation at 10 am - 11.30 am. Oh yeah, we also had to listen to the "lecture" and do our quizzes on the spot after the lecture and get a minimum passing mark of 80%. Hahahaha...It's actually an easy paper though :P I've got 14/15. If not because of one careless mistake, I should have gotten full marks T__T. LOL. Then, from there, I know more people like Tasha and Li Chun. Hahaha. OH yeah, forgotten about this. Initially, we first began the EHS orientation with self-introduction. But, I was being missed out due to some distraction T____T. So, when Kelly wanna began her lecture, I told her in a "sad" way that I haven't introduce myself. LOL. Then, everyone laughed. LOL. Then, Kelly laughed and apologized and said that actually she purposely do that so that she wanna see if I would take the initiative to introduce myself or not. LOL. To be honest, it's my first time to speak out when being missed out. Actually, been often missed out in self-introduction in the school before, but I never actually speak up. But this time round, hahaha...don't know what triggers me.

Then...slack a little and went for lunch with Li Juan, Jun Jie and Dawn. LOL. I think I made quite an impact on my interview. I would say it could be a negative one instead of positive. 'Cause at that time, I asked them about the company's culture. So, Jun Jie asked me what do I mean by company culture at that time. I just explained things based on my experience with Addiction as we normally went out for lunch as a group and we treated each other like a family that kind. So, they're kind of like teasing me that "now" we can go for lunch together like a family. :(
Jun Jie told me about some of the cafes or food courts around the Biopolis area. He's good as a mentor but seems to be shy a little bit? Hahahaha...His personality kind of cute though. After lunch, around 1-2 pm, Dawn and Jun Jie brief me on what I am supposed to do tomorrow. So, yeah, I foresee myself being very busy tomorrow. Especially with the preparation part. Hence, might need to be early tomorrow.
Then, I have to label all the cups for tomorrow's preference test. Jun Jie was really nice. He borrowed me some of his books ^_^ Oh yeah. he graduated  from RMIT Australia. while Dawn was from NUS FST ('06 batch) and Li Juan from USM. Msia.

Then, around 3-4 pm, the handsome, tall IT (Jeffrey) guy brief us on the computer stuffs and our emails. I didn't expect him to be that good looking, honestly. The moment when JJ first introduced me that he's the IT guy, my jaw "literally" dropped. I mean, gosh. Why is he so good looking?! Hahahaha...He's also funny lo. 'Cause he asked me to shift place with Li Chun as I will be using desktop (YAY!). Then, Daisy (which is Adrian's personal assistant) asking me why I'm changing place? Then I told her the reason. At that time, Jeffery was still beside us briefing us. Then, Daisy asked Jeffrey if I can switch to Yoon Her's place instead or something. Jeffrey was funny 'cause it's abit mah fan for him. Hahaha...Then, he like "mian qiang de" say "Can, can, can...As long as you're pleased". Hahhahaha...Then, he then made some funny faces that all of us laughed. Then, when Daisy was not around, I asked him why must switch place? Then he said in a funny way that because we must all follow feng shui. LOL. That made the 3 of us laughed when he said that. Hahahahaha...He's cute, can? LOL. Oh yeah, now only I know the function of CutePDF. Hahahaha...Bet some of you don't know right? Actually, he taught us that if we wanna save a file (eg. Doc file) to PDF, we can just use Print using CutePDF as it would prompt you to save as PDF or something like that. And also this thing called Greenshot, it's something like Snipping Tool :)

Then, after that, I did some readings on the lecture that I was supposed to do. Didn't manage to finish the lecture by today as I am left with about 8 slides. After the lecture, I will have to do the quiz. OOsssh~ Ganbatte Sherlyn! :)

p/s (Day 1): Today seems to be like a short day for me. I didn't even countdown the time for today. Hahahaha. I think it's good :) It means I'm not bored ^_^

p/s (General): The train is always so mega packed everyday! I think it's better for me to bring files to cover my front. People keep squeezing and it really made me felt uncomfortable. Like you know, you're being touched but you have no choice. Ughhhh...And yeah, I guessed it's better for me to start investing in antibacterial wipes or sanitizer. So yeah, imagining the sweats of so many people touching against your bare skin, don't you think it's uhm...disgusting? Sorry if I sound mean, but OCD people talking here.

2nd Physio Appointment

The doctor said there's a lot of "knot" around my muscles. Muscles shouldn't hurt much when minimal pressure was applied. It really hurts alot that I cried when the doctor did the session with me. :( What should I do? Even when I touched it, I've already shrieked in pain. :(

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I don't know why I'm feeling empty nowadays. It feels like I'm facing the world alone. No one to turn to even when I'm bored. Yeah, there has been people messaging me, asking me out etc. But, I don''t even felt like replying them and so on. I just want a speedy recovery. Ganbatte ne, Sherlyn :)

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I hate crowds. Hmm...I guessed I actually hate humans. I know, I know. I'm a human too! In fact, that's why I hate myself too. 'Cause I'm a human.

I hate going to the mall 'cause it's always so crowded. Now you know why I am not that kind who would go shopping like most girls. It's insane especially when the weather is so insanely hot, and worst when you're surrounded by crowds that behave worst than animals. Sorry if I sound so mean. But seriously, I felt like putting me in a crowd is a torture to me. Srsly.

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Let's Talk about SEX

I know many of you might be thinking, "Eh, why is this girl posting/liking AV videos on Facebook?" or they must be thinking that some of my FB posts contain some sexually hidden meaning.
Yeah, in the past, I am like some of you, who would think in that way if someone posted what we all considered as "dirty" stuffs.

When I turned 21 (mid 21), I felt that I had an increased libido effect. (p/s: I have my current bf only in my early 22) No, I don't have sex. Don't have to worry bout me. Anyway, I guessed it was pretty pointless to convince people about your virginity when they may have doubt in you. So, whatever. And no, I don't masturbate. -.-'' It just felt too weird for me. But yeah, in order to satisfy my cravings, I watched AV. But I'm very selective in watching such films. I hate hardcore kind and those that are too gross for my liking.

So, when we're talking bout watching blue films, who on Earth doesn't watch it? I guessed, maybe I might be wrong, that most people would have watched it. And sometimes, I can tell you that it's really hard to find someone to talk about sex. Leave the guys alone. What I mean is to find a girl-friend, whom you can talk bout sex with. Sometimes, it can be awkward to talk bout sex with guys.

However, the moment you talked bout sex, girls would usually avoid the topic and sometimes, showed a disgust look or something. But I was caught by a friend one day who confronted me that she caught me liking an AV video on FB. Initially, I am afraid what she would think of me and thought of putting blame on someone or something, but decided to come clean to her. Surprisingly, we ended talking bout a lot of stuffs. I am glad that she never look at me at a different way like how other friends would.

Sometimes, I think people should be more open towards such topic. Like what a guy friend who used to tell me (when I showed a strong dislike towards sex in the past), SEX is ART. And talking bout sex doesn't mean you're having sex. It's just a matter of understanding your body.

My obvious dislike about people

Things that I wouldn't understand:

WHY PEOPLE LIKE TO GOSSIP????

Seriously, as time passed, I actually had increased growth of dislike towards them. Every single day, I would be hearing them gossiping bout people - their families, friends, etc.

Honestly, I really think humans must not be too naive. "Close" or "Best" friends may not be someone you can trust too much. Just come here and you'd understand why I say that. They may be very good with you and so on, but there are couple of times, when you're not around, they'd talk bout you behind your back. And all I would do is just listen, 'cause it's not my nature to gossip bout people. In fact, I hate people who loves to gossip. I guessed, gossiping seemed to be like a gene is almost everyone. The fact that I don't have many friends because I couldn't find someone like me. All the people (well, most) that I've met just like to gossip, and because of this, I would avoid being too friend (not being too open) with such people. And most of the times, I wouldn't even join in their gossiping, but obviously, you can always overheard it 'cause they talked bout people very loud.

Like now, they're talking bout their "family". Sometimes, I really wanna ask if they really understand the history of the person they're talking bout? Why they are not close with their relatives and so on? 'Cause I'm also had this kind of upbringing. Do you think it was something that we chosen for? Do you think that I don't wish to be close to my relatives and etc? Do you think I don't want to have a close relationship with my family etc??

You people had good life, so why must you complain about other people's life when it was not something they've chosen for? Hearing them gossiping bout N who left this place, I guessed, after I left, I would also be a victim.

So, people, beware of who you're trusting. Never ever trust anyone too much. They may be a crocodile in disguise.

I don't know if there's any significant people like me?

Nightmare

We planned a trip to Taiwan in July. Initially was very excited bout it. 'Cause finally can spend more time with him.

Lately, our relationship was abit of rocky but we always managed to kiss and make up. Not sure if it affects me but I never had any thoughts before I go to bed. Somehow, I got this nightmare that I woke up crying and my pillow was soaked in tears...

In the dream...

We were already in Taiwan. First few hour on arrival, after putting our stuffs in our hotel rooms, we went out and walked around the city ( or something like that). Then, all of sudden, I got abandoned. They lefted me in a mall. I don't know how we got separated or something. So, I messsaged him, asking him where he is. He replied that they've forgotten bout me. I was upset and nervous at that time, and asked how can he forgotten bout me as a bf? He said that there's nothing he could do. So... i throwed tantrum and all and said that I'll .... if he didnt ...

To my surprises, he replied " Yeah, I'm so scared. What you gonna do? Break ahh? "
Was dumbfounded at that reply. Then, don't know how, I initiated it. It was a very difficult decision. And in that dream, I suddenly remembered I don't bring Taiwan currency with me ( i mean why so weird) :/ And it's hard to get back my stuffs back from him. My luggages, tickets, etc. :(

Then, I woke up crying and feeling scared. Like would things like this happen to me? :(
Although things like being dumped or divorced in a foreign country was some of the tactics that some jerks used, it sometimes scare me. :(
Maybe we should have a talk bout it. Maybe things wouldn't be this way like in the dream.
Maybe I'm just affected with what happened recently. :'(

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Yes or No

I've watched YES or NO!!! :)))
I think I'm so in love. Never did I saw a girl this handsome. Never did I saw a girl has such an appealing masculine traits & appearance like her...Watched until my "xin dou luan luan" d... :'))

Somehow, felt like a silly girl who longed a love like this. I knew all along I'm a bi. Since 11. It was a secret, that time it's like I'm living in denial as well. But what's the chances to meet a butch like her? Someone who will do anything for you. Someone who loves you with all their heart.

Is it my first time to fell in love with a girl? I bet not. But Supanart Jittaleela was my 2nd :)  I'm crazy over her, like a crazy little girl in love for the first time. Re-watched, re-watched, re-watched it. Just because I don't wanna forget how she looks like, just because I don't wanna forget who sweet she is as a lover.

It takes 2 hands to clap for a long-lasting love. And sometimes, I admit that I've always hated 3rd party of a relationship. But at times, being the 3rd party hurts a lot. Because it's not our mistake to fall in love with them, but it's our fault to meet them at the wrong timing. Hence, we must learn to let go and don't be a 3rd party.

Kim's name is quite difficult to remember. But now I remembered. Supanart Jittaleela! Supanart Jitaleela!! Supanart Jitaleela !!! And just found out she's 1 year younger than me! :) Her birthday is 12 February 1991. Cried, cried and cried. Because I knew I wouldn't get to meet someone like her. Someone who would care and love you a lot.

Let ya see a picture of her:

Awww...pretty and handsome right?? :)) I've showed my colleagues and they thought she's a guy too :P
And here's the song that I love most: If you Have the Courage

Ahhhh!!!!! I'm so sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. I don't know why.

Some people really gan cheong when they wanna get into the bus. Okay, that guy already was the first to enter and yet he can't even decide to enter from the left or right. Okay, so initially he stands at the left, then I enter from the right. Then what the FUCK! He suddenly moved to the right and knock me down. Fucking real idiot! I don't know why he's so fucking kia su that he can't be in the bus although his whole body was already in the bus! Damn real asshole! Luckily my medicine bottle was not broken, if not I'll fucking make him pay for it!!!! Real idiot. Totally can't tolerate with idiots like this! Please make your mind next time when u want enter the bus or whatever la! Super Mega pissed off!

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I'm Just A Financial Burden to You

Just because you lost the bill, you put your blame on me.

I really swear that night, you only pass to me the MC and the hospital referral letter. You never even pass me any receipt. 

The only receipt that I saw is the medicine receipt. So, I asked you is it the receipt inside together with my medicine? You initially said yes, but when I asked you the amount is only $5.35? You raised your voice and said it's the $95 one. I said I didn't see any receipt other than the one inside the plastic bag which contained my medicine. Initially, we're sitting down together having dinner. But after you heard that I said that I didn't get any receipt other than the $5.35 one, you frantically search in your room, and keep insisting to me that you gave to me. I know you sounded angry, I don't blame you. Just that, I felt disappointed that, even as a sister, although the amount was only about $95, you're angry because of this matter. Then you asked me to pay myself when the ambulance bill comes. Even when I have to go for polyclinic for follow up this coming Friday, you asked me to pay myself. 

I felt really sad. I don't understand why my colleagues and friends' elder siblings are better. Ria told me that it should be my sister's responsibility for paying the fees as I'm not even working yet. Yes, I'm having intern now, but I need to save money because my sister had reduced the pocket money to only $150 per month (considering I'm staying with her now). Do you think that's even enough for my next semester? She wants to claim for the hospital bills, so I tried but they said it won't be covered. 

Why whenever my friends/colleagues had something happened to them, the elder siblings are so good? Like Ria, at first she also felt sorry to her brothers when she first had seizure when she was 14, but her brothers told her it's okay, it's their responsibilities. For my case, it seems that everything needs a payback. She also requested me to bring them to a restaurant and eat since they had to stay up with me till 4 am that night.  Sounds like there's no free lunch in this world. I know, but why within my family, she has to be so calculative? 

I'm so torn. Why is it like that? Can I even tell my parents? I don't think so. Cause if I told them bout this, they would nag her, and she'll definitely hated me for this. I guessed that I was wrong bout her. She definitely think that I'm just a burden to her, financially.

Initially, I wanted to rant bout this matter to my bf, but considering he's having exams soon, maybe I should just blog bout it although I really really want to find someone to rant to. I'm really disappointed. Maybe Cedric (a commentor on my NUS confession post) was right, in this world, only a few shows genuine concern towards you.  

Lesson learned. The day when I first sent to the hospital.

After yesterday's incident, I realized one thing. All these while, my thoughts were wrong. I have a confession, but I'd make it public.

I had depression in history, but I've never make an effort to go for consultation because I just think it wouldn't help to cure me. I always had suicidal thoughts simply because I think the world doesn't care bout me, and it doesn't matter even if I was gone one day. But yesterday's incident proves me wrong.

Something bad happened to me yesterday, and I was afraid to tell my sister although we're staying together. My bf scolded me, (I would say, in a harsh way) just because he really cared bout me. He's angry because I'm being irresponsible of my own well-being. I was having excruciating back pain which caused me unable to move and walk, but I've never voiced out my complication because I feared I'd bring burdens to my sister. I'm not trying to be a hero here, but, I'd feel guilty and thought that I'm just another burden to people around me.

So, after he (my bf) begged me to tell my complication to my sister, I finally call my sister. And she had to call an ambulance to send me to the nearest hospital. There was about 4 guys (2 chinese, 2 malays) entered my room. The Chinese paramedic in the army suit asked me a few questions and pressed on my hips (maybe to check for fractures). Then they have to roll me over cause I seriously can't move much. Shit, I'm so heavy cause I think there's about 3 or 4 guys have to carry me over the bed. -.-''

They kept asking me the time I felt the pain, any medical history, etc. When the Chinese guy asked me if did I do any exercises recently, I admit that I almost laughed although I'm in pain. That's just simply because I don't even do exercises! :|      Then, he asked me if I felt pain when I pee. Okay, a bit shy to answer this cause it's a guy asking! >.<  Then I told him I don't feel pain when I pee, but I felt pain when I poo. Then he asked me, is it back pain or is it at the anal ? Slammed. Feeling shy, I softly said anal. I think I spoke too soft, then he brought himself nearer towards me and said "Sorry? Can't really hear you.". Then I said, "Uhm...the anal." I seriously don't know if anal pain relates to this or not. So I assumed I should tell him everything la...>.<   DAMN PAISE! :(((

Then arrived at the hospital, I kept crying cause I'm afraid. Afraid of many things. Seriously, at that point of time, I also worried bout my work. Been having sleepless nights because of work stress. Jerel, I really don't know what you want. >.< Sighh...Anyway, they saw that I was crying, the Chinese guy asked me why am I crying? I said I'm scared. The Malay paramedic then pat me on my shoulder and said, don't worry, things going to be just fine. I think sometimes when I'm in the state of stress or worried, I just need someone to pat me and tell me things are going to be just fine. Haiz..

I didn't know how bad my condition was until I need to pee. So the nurse assist me. And at that time, I really couldn't even walk properly. I felt a sharp pain even though I'm just trying to put my body into a sitting position. The nurse had to grab hold of my arms so tight cause I really had no strength to walk due to the pain. After I pee, they injected me with painkiller. Shame on me, already an adult but yet I still cried when I was given an injection :(    Then they (my sis and bro-in-law) had to wait for hours because of me. At that point of time, I still felt guilty for causing them much troubles and they have to stay awake around the clock because of me. And I even caused my parents to worry bout me.

But I know the person who would be the most concern bout me is him. He stayed up with me (although the next day he has a presentation) till I reached the hospital and till the doctor attended me. And today, he came all the way to visit me after he finished his presentation although his lessons are supposed to end at 6pm :(
Dardar, I'm so sorry that I caused you to worry so much bout me :(
I'm sorry that you had a noob gf that doesn't know how to appreciate her life. I promise that I would learn to love myself more.

And of course, my parents called me up nagging bout my complications, saying that I didn't drink enough water and so on (as the doctor said that I probably had urine infection or stones). But I guessed everyone just assumed it's stones. Even my colleague and brothers were concerned bout me. I never thought there are still people in the world that cares for me.

What I wanna say is, to people who had suicidal thoughts like my old self, you should have another thought bout this. Because, when you least expected it, there are people actually concern and care for you.

It's New Year....
Supposed to be a joyous moment.
Supposed to be happy.
But I'm not...

Switching Jobs

Nope. It's not about me switching job. Was watching Smart@Work. It's really a great show, teaching you how to be smart at work. And yes, today's topic is about switching jobs, in which they interviewed employees and bosses about their views in speed switching.

Alot of things I learned from that today's topic. Like when we we're considering to work for a company, alot of things we have to consider. Apart from salary issues, how many of us would think of how important is the work culture & environment at there, how much of our time we can commit, are we willing to work 70-80 hours per week, would we be able to work together or communicate with the other organization units, does the bosses care for our happiness at work, are u really interested in your work, do you like your work and so on....

Most people like us always put money as the top priority, like... I want a job that pay me $xxx. But think about it, what if you're working for a big company, your salary was $5000 per month, but you're not even happy at work and you find it very stressful. Compare with the small company you work, although salary was only $4250 per month, but everyone in the company are helpful and friendly and the bosses values and appreciate us, building strong relationship with employees by taking them out and etc... which would you choose?

For me, I would choose the latter option. Working environment is most important for me, but I wouldn't say that I don't care bout salary. But if higher salary costed me a stressful working environment, I wouldn't go for it. Plus, like one of the lady mentioned, working in a big company can be very stressful as they usually hire those talented people and the environment is very competitive as everyone would want to get promotion. Seriously, tell me, who doesn't want to be promoted anyway?

And also one valuable advice from an employer is, you must let the boss understand what is your expectations and what you achieve to learn in the company. This will allow the employer to know what is your need and so that you can work happily or something. Besides that, this way, the boss wouldn't keep giving you repetitive work that you would find it bored to do! And also, before you wanna switch jobs, make sure what is your talents or strengths are, and find out what is really your interest and if the new job would give you rooms for improvement and also the working environment.

There's still alot other advices but I've forgotten. Anyway, hope you all would find this post helpful:) and definitely for myself:)

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Just finished watching Ep 6 of Ex-boyfriend. Reminds me of my first love somehow. It's a story of everlasting love. But not in my case of course.

It reminded me a lot bout J. I remembered how it took me almost 9 years to forget and forgive him. As some of you had knew, my first love was my own cousin. I was 11 at that time, while he was 10. We were both young and naive.

I could still remember that when he first courted me, he stuffed a written message into my puppy teddy bear, confessing his feelings. That time, I was shy. Then, I showed his letter to his sister and his sister ran all over the house to show everyone the letter. Then, he felt unhappy bout it, and it made me felt guilty. But, after that, he forgave me and said it was his sister's fault, not mine. Then, last time, he would always asked my dad's permission on my behalf so that I can go Penang/Ipoh with his family and him. Then, sometimes, he would feed me.

Cause I was angry about our break up, I deleted all his emails and burnt his letters. We broke up when I was 12, but back together when I was 15, when his family and him made a trip to Taiping. Then, after his trip from Singapore, he bought me a necklace (but now it was lost. Maybe it's fated) and wore it on me. This marked my happiest day actually.

Then, when I was 16, and his family and him came back for holidays. One day, he was chatting on MSN with a so-called friend. But, I saw some of the messages content, which doesn't even seems to be like friend's talk. I asked him, but...he dragged me out of the room and closed the door, without saying anything. That time, I already knew, it could be him seeing someone else. Cause, the time when he reached Taiping, he never been close together with me like he used to. After a few days, he told me he wanted to break up. And because of hurt and anger, I said that it's fine it that's what he want. I didn't demand for reasons.

Anyway, unlike the story in "Ex-Boyfriend", mine was so far different. People broke up because of parents' objection, but mine....it's affair. Anyway, After 9 years, I managed to let go of my feelings and also let go of the hatred bout him leaving me after all those promises. After all, that time, we are so young and naive, and we wouldn't even understand what is love.

Memories remains as memories. Once a relationship is ended, there's no turning back. Sometimes, giving a second chance is like giving a chance for that person to hurt ourselves. But sometimes, not giving a second chance, you may loose the chance of feeling "xin fu" with that person. Love is really a confusing thing. When it's too perfect, we would doubt. When it's imperfect, we would complain. How should love be?

p/s: Dardar, don't be sad reading this kay? Cause the person I'm in love with and I wanted to grow old with is --- YOU. I know now you may think that you are unable to give whatever I want, but I really understand. What I want is only my time with you. I don't care bout necklace, dresses, handbags or whatever as long as I get to spend more time with you.