I'm Just A Financial Burden to You

Just because you lost the bill, you put your blame on me.

I really swear that night, you only pass to me the MC and the hospital referral letter. You never even pass me any receipt. 

The only receipt that I saw is the medicine receipt. So, I asked you is it the receipt inside together with my medicine? You initially said yes, but when I asked you the amount is only $5.35? You raised your voice and said it's the $95 one. I said I didn't see any receipt other than the one inside the plastic bag which contained my medicine. Initially, we're sitting down together having dinner. But after you heard that I said that I didn't get any receipt other than the $5.35 one, you frantically search in your room, and keep insisting to me that you gave to me. I know you sounded angry, I don't blame you. Just that, I felt disappointed that, even as a sister, although the amount was only about $95, you're angry because of this matter. Then you asked me to pay myself when the ambulance bill comes. Even when I have to go for polyclinic for follow up this coming Friday, you asked me to pay myself. 

I felt really sad. I don't understand why my colleagues and friends' elder siblings are better. Ria told me that it should be my sister's responsibility for paying the fees as I'm not even working yet. Yes, I'm having intern now, but I need to save money because my sister had reduced the pocket money to only $150 per month (considering I'm staying with her now). Do you think that's even enough for my next semester? She wants to claim for the hospital bills, so I tried but they said it won't be covered. 

Why whenever my friends/colleagues had something happened to them, the elder siblings are so good? Like Ria, at first she also felt sorry to her brothers when she first had seizure when she was 14, but her brothers told her it's okay, it's their responsibilities. For my case, it seems that everything needs a payback. She also requested me to bring them to a restaurant and eat since they had to stay up with me till 4 am that night.  Sounds like there's no free lunch in this world. I know, but why within my family, she has to be so calculative? 

I'm so torn. Why is it like that? Can I even tell my parents? I don't think so. Cause if I told them bout this, they would nag her, and she'll definitely hated me for this. I guessed that I was wrong bout her. She definitely think that I'm just a burden to her, financially.

Initially, I wanted to rant bout this matter to my bf, but considering he's having exams soon, maybe I should just blog bout it although I really really want to find someone to rant to. I'm really disappointed. Maybe Cedric (a commentor on my NUS confession post) was right, in this world, only a few shows genuine concern towards you.