Endless....

Things called love are always well...so complicated...right?? I'm not trying to be stuck-up...But, why do all guys who dated me are all of the same kind? (this was an exception for J...) Well, I guess I have to admit that Chee Hong was a better a lil than my 3rd and current bf...Just that CH was not very good-looking...But he hurted me once till I decided to fade my feelings for him...Even when he knew that I kept being moody and cold towards him, he always try to patch things up with me after that...I know he was afraid to loose me but I have no choice....I don't like him the way I used to do anymore just because...It was his mistake....Even when I told him I wanted a break with him, he tries to beg me back but I...just couldnt find a reason to say Yes...It's just that I really dont have the feelings to be with him back...And I was really glad that even after the break,we still could be friends...Just last 2 days, he sent me a msg to remind me to take care of my health due to the hot weather....I was really happy that he still concern me,as a friend....I guess that maybe the problem is with me...Maybe I was the one who doesn't forgive someone so easily when they made a serious mistake....Now...I really doubted that Chee wei doesnt like me as he said...I just tested him today...I told him that I saw the chocolate that I liked so much which I bought in Genting was being sold in Fajar today...I told him that I was quite sad that I couldn't buy it and I asked him not to worry coz I'm not going to ask him to buy it for me...And he sent me a message saying that I'm being anxiety when things on sale...He says next time also can buy...What is he worried about? I don't even ask him to buy it!! Sighh...I guess that he's just using me...Why almost all guys who dated me are just toying me?? Is it because I'm so easily fooled or easily courted means that I can be toyed?? Like last Tuesday, he showed his inbox to me,revealing that some of the messages are sent by the girl he once liked...Chye Poh...He knew that I'd be jealous...I just acted I don't feel a thing...I guess...I should start to fade my feelings for him...If he tries to make me jealous again,I wouldn;t know what I'd do...Nowadays, my head just kept thinking bout one thing...the two words...I: guess I'd find a day to say it out to him...Perhaps maybe after the big exam...I don't wanna affect him,...So I guess that I would message him less just like what I did to CH...The thing whch comes first would be...dying my feelings for him...Then wait for time and the courage to say it so...Forget everything...Yes...initially when courting me,he treats me real good...till I believed that he does love me as he said...Shit...I'm too naive ...Shud have learnt from my lessons....but I'm too naive to accept changes...Being so stupid to be cheated over and over again....I guess P.Hooi knew that I'm having problems with him...After all, I guess P.Hooi would be a better guy but ....I guess that he's not my type...Coz...uhm...he's a study-addict type or some kind like that...He advised me to tolerate with C.wei...But...could I tolerate more even though I nkow that he;s not the right guy for me? Love shouldn't be forced,right? When you know someone is not right for you, perhaps you should leave him although you knew that you still liked him....Coz, it's just not right being together when you knew that you won't get along well with him/her...I guess that if that was my choice, I should let him go in the end...He won't hurt I guess...He still loves his ex...So, I could find a reason to ask for a break...