Super duper hungry n tired

Uhmmmm... talking bout fatigue, I think my level of fatigue increases. I slept almost 9 or 10pm lately and woke up around 8 or 9am....slept so much yet still feel tired. What's the problem with me?

Lack of oxygen?
Lack of blood??
Lack of rest???

arghhhhh.... or is it due to aging?? :/

Hmmmm... I hope that I can overcome my fatigue but.... hmmmm. How???

still haven't take my breakfast though. Super duper hungry T_T .

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Shit Happens When...

When you have repeated nightmares...

Please leave me alone!

Why must my dreams are of the same scenes each time?

I don't want these to affect me so much that I'm having so much fears ...

I'm happy now, so, nightmares, please leave me alone.

I don't to wake up every morning and starts worrying "What if" question ...

Dear God,

I wished that things could be better that I could eventually overcome my fears. I don't want to keep worrying things when I can be happy right now. Things had been so much better than the past, and I want a better future. I want to be happy and stay a simple life. Please. Give me strengths to overcome my fears. 

Gas Chromatography. Part 1. General Introduction.

Found a very good explanation for Gas Chromatography introduction. In case you're like me, who is just knew the existence, but don't know how it works. Hahahaha!!!! Enjoy and learn :)

Fears

No matter how hard we try to forget about our past,
It would always come to haunt us in our dreams...
It makes no sense..
We thought we could completely forget bout the past when it seems that our lives are happy now, but...maybe I was wrong.
It still haunts me in my dreams...
Although I never even try to recall it...

The haunting made me felt so insecure, made me having constant fears and doubts although things seemed to be perfectly fine...I'm just doubting myself...
Why must the haunting continues?
It sucks because no matter how hard you don't want to recall bout the past, it haunts you through dreams and made you felt so insecure and caused you so much fears.

Really didn't know how dreams are made of....
Why can't I have better dreams when I sleep instead of getting repeated haunting from the dreams?
I need better sleep, please...

Fears

No matter how hard we try to forget about our past,
It would always come to haunt us in our dreams...
It makes no sense..
We thought we could completely forget bout the past when it seems that our lives are happy now, but...maybe I was wrong.
It still haunts me in my dreams...
Although I never even try to recall it...

The haunting made me felt so insecure, made me having constant fears and doubts although things seemed to be perfectly fine...I'm just doubting myself...
Why must the haunting continues?
It sucks because no matter how hard you don't want to recall bout the past, it haunts you through dreams and made you felt so insecure and caused you so much fears.

Really didn't know how dreams are made of....
Why can't I have better dreams when I sleep instead of getting repeated haunting from the dreams?
I need better sleep, please...

Our V-Day

Yesterday was 14/2/2012. It's Valentine's Day. It's the first time I'm celebrating Valentine's Day. I'm so excited and I've waited so long to celebrate it. Cause all along, I'm all alone on V-day and actually, I always hoped it doesn't exist cause V-Day makes me dull. That was back then. But now, I seriously wanted to slap myself hard for thinking like that last time. Cause now, someone made me looking forward to it and I don't want the day to end.

I had class from 4-6pm yesterday (yes, screw my timetable) and he offered to wait for me at the place where I had my tutorials. The moment the clock hit 5.30pm, I anxiously looked at my lecturer, seeing him if he's finishing soon or not...:/   Okay, at 5.40pm, tutorial ended. So, yay!!! I quickly look out for his whereabouts. The moment I saw him sitting there waiting for me patiently, I was so delighted, and at the same time, I felt xing fu. Finally, I can felt like what others felt. :)

Cause I used to see my friends having boyfriends. And they're so close and intimate and so loving...I also wanted to have such relationships too at that time. And I was like dreaming, how good if...How nice if....
But...now, he made that silly dreams of mine realized. :)

Then, we went back to my hostel. We bought waffle at Suppersnacks. Hahaha! HE LIKES PEANUT BUTTER!!!! Omg. So cute right?? Like a lil kid. Hehehee...I ordered Chocolate waffle and he ordered peanut butter waffle. Hahahaha!! There was one time (well not once, maybe 3-4 times) the chocolate waffle stained my mouth . As in, the chocolate dripped on my mouth as I bite the waffle :/  So, I tried to wipe away but I don't know where the chocolate stain is. :/
It was super embarassing la...Just a chocolate waffle spoiled my image le. :/
But somehow, he's being sweet, cause he used his fingers to wipe it off from my mouth. And I instantly blushed actually. Cause paise ma...Where on Earth got people eat like me? :/
But, the waffle really to chocolate-y d...But, because of that, it's nice to eat. zZzz....
Then, we went to my place. And I served him with the mousse that I made. At the same time, he was giving me a chocolate.

Oh yeah! And we also took photos together. Weeee~~~  I'm so happy you know!! I'm like a camwhore (although not really camwhore, but I love taking pictures...) and he's the shy type. But yet, still willing to take pictures with me. The best thing is, he doesn't scold me or says that I'm childish when I wanted to take pictures together =)) And he naturally put his arms around me when taking pictures. =))) Really really happy to meet someone like him. =)

We spent some time together till 9+..Then he has to go le...Sighh..A lil sad that we can only spend like 3 hours on Valentine's Day. =(
So I hugged him tight before he leaves.. Then, I escorted him to the bus terminal. He told me he actually slipped something in my room. I got shocked. Cause he said before he wanna give me 100 cockroaches on V-Day. :/

I told him, I won't open it. Then, after he entered the bus, I went back to my room. After that, I saw a Whatsapp message from him that it's an ugly card that he made for me. I frantically search for the card on my desk. The moment I saw it, my heart melts. I felt so touched and cried. It's the first time someone really put an effort in doing something for me. And I can actually see the effort he put in making that card. It's beautiful, much more beautiful than the card sold outside. =)
Handcrafts are the best gift of all. Thanks a lot b for making my first V-day so memorable and meaningful <3

First V-Day Celebration

Hey Big Monster,

This is the first time both of us celebrating V-Day. I guessed both of us are anticipated for it too right and yeah, I've made this specially for you the night before today.:)

Surprisingly, it took me only 2 hours to make this. But of course, I have the help of my friend who is a pro to teach and guide me. :)

Taaaa-da! Pictures here. Here..Here....:)

Specially made for you :))
Happy Valentine's Day, Monster!!!:)
Hope you like it...muackss...:)

Excited for V-Day

Although they said that today is not a good day to celebrate V-day, my big monster said that it's okay as we can always treat everyday as our V-Day. Isn't it sweet?? :))

Hmm...this is the first year I'll be celebrating V-Day. I'm so excited and yet so nervous. Well, I made something specially for him and it's been the first time I spend effort, time and money to do something for someone special to me. The ingredients alone already costed me a bomb. Although I'm not using all of it. :/
If converted to Msia Ringgit, I think it's gonna be around RM90+. I've never spend so much on any baking/non-baking ingredients. But, no worries. I know it's gonna be total worth it. :)))

Initially I thought of getting the sparkling wine too, but then...Sigh...ran outta cash, so I leave it to the lady at the counter. I wanted to post those pictures of the "thing" I made so much. But it seems that I have to wait till...ummm...late evening. Cause I know big monster will stalk my blog from time to time. It should be a surprise to him although he already read my mind on what I might be doing. But oh yeah, I don't wanna him to see what exactly it is yet. So, I wanna give him a surprise!!! :)))

However, I do hope that the thing I made turn out to be edible and taste nice. Sighhhhh....I am damn scared that it would taste bad...T___T


<3 u so much, Big Monster.
Happy V-Day!!! :)))

Lab reports

That feeling of stress and depression of doing lab reports. It's not easy compared to the reports we've done in secondary schools or STPM...It's so depressing. Somehow I missed my lab partner that I had in Sem 1. When I don't understand anything, I can ask her on MSN. Now, who can I ask? It's almost 2 hours ago I messaged to 3 other friends that I thought we're quite close to, but none replied.

Although it's not due today, but I set my own deadlines so that I can do other stuffs and readings. But, I'm already 6 hours past my deadline. I felt so stressed.

I really hate this feeling. It always made me felt like giving up. Dear God, please help me calm down. :(

Do You have the Rights to Judge?

There's this classmate of mine, T which I just got to know her recently - last time I don't even know her existence. Sometimes, just by looking at the person, you'll know that, that person is a judging person from the way they look at someone.

Well, I don't really know her very much. But she seems to be a very judging person. I don't dare to get close to her too much, cause I'm afraid that she'll judge or talk bout me behind my back.

Y used to be a very good friend of mine in Sem 2. But we parted because A made our friendship break. I knew that she doesn't like me. Well, I don't even like her anyway. I know I'm very "ji chou" just because she talk bad bout me behind my back and said that my CGPA is lower than hers and I don't deserve to get a scholarship. I knew bout it because F told me what she said. A actually asked before about my CGPA, so, I believe what F said...

Well, get back to the story of T. Today Y presented and to me, she wore like a decent school teacher. But, all of sudden T whispered to me that the way Y dressed very old-fashioned and weird as if she was from dunno which era. I was like...Hmm..maybe she's trying to wear decently like a school teacher?

Case 2: Today there's a National Starch talk given. At the end of the talk, the National Starch people wanna present the scholarship to the winner. So, one of our classmate got the scholarship and one of the FST staff was actually using DSLR to take the picture of our classmate. Then, I saw her scribbling on C's paper, "BORED BORED BORED" and "OMG! She doesn't even know how to use a DSLR!!!" and things like "xxx. Who cares?"

Well, I don't intend to bitch about her. But sometimes, it's really scary to be close to people who is too judging. Don't you think so? Well, most of my classmates are like that. That's why I don't dare to get too close to them too much. Cause who knows, one day they'd betray me or talk behind my back without me knowing them? Too bad, FST cohort is so small, I don't even get to know more people. Although they are my friends, but it's always better not to share too much stuff about yourself with them. People are so judging. And you'll never know if they are judging you behind your back.


p/s: sorry if you're a very judging person and you're reading this. I have my own views. I dislike judging people because firstly, I know that I'm not in a good place to judge a person. Secondly, I don't think it's right to judge someone else before judging yourself. Thirdly, if you think that judging someone is fun, well, do you think that you're actually perfect to begin with? If you're really someone who is so super perfect without any weaknesses or flaws, then I don't have the rights to stop you from being so judging. =)

Skinner Box: Shaping My Pet Rat Stella

I was studying for my Psychology mod and I came across the word "Operant Conditioning" which means a form of associative learning in which the consequences of a behaviour change the probability of the behavior's occurrence.

My midterm essay was to write about the ways of training a dog or something like that ( I can't remember.) As you know, I love dogs a lot, and learning about dogs had always been my passion. And now, if I were able to learn more about ways to train dogs, I would be more than delighted. Just because I don't like the way that dogs are being abused in trainings. I've seen people abusing and kicking their dogs when the dogs couldn't do what they want them to do...It's so heart-aching to see those videos and I know I'll end up cursing those people and hoping that I can have their dogs instead. I love puppies n doggies. Be it big or small, strayed or not, I don't mind. Because I know one thing about dogs is that, they are the most loyal living things on Earth. They can read mind, they can be a therapy. Just that they can't talk...

I do hope to learn more about this positive reinforcement and operant conditioning to train animals. LOL. If only I know studying Psychology can make me become an animal trainer, I would sign up for Psychology instead! LOL. Less lab ma...FST too many labs till I'm exhausted. Not to say that class ends at 6pm every day from 9am...Brain also got exhausted the time I reached home. That's why I ended up falling asleep super early.

Anyway, if there's a chance, I do hope that I can be a dog trainer. It's like a dream if I can be one =)

You know that You Won't Let it Go

Yes, I know that I've finally found my Mr. Right...
And I won't let him go...=)))

It's really sweet of him when he actually knows that I'm NOT OKAY, when I told him I'm OKAY. What he did was hugged me tight, giving me a sense of security and love. I felt happy when he actually knows what my mind was thinking and understands my behavior. It's not easy to find people like him right?

I used to watch movies, seeing actresses getting loved and so on, I wished that I can be in the movies...But at that time, I always think to myself that things like that won't happen in real life. And it's just a fairytale...But now..I believe...because I found the one...=)

V-day's coming. And it would be the first time for me to celebrate it with someone I love. I'm looking forward to it and yet I'm so nervous and don't know what to do. Since it would also be his first time celebrating it too, I want to do something special for him, but what ? I mean, what should I do to make it special and memorable to him???

Glee - Beth [FULL SONG] (HQ)

I love this song the first time Puckerman sang to Quinn.

Somehow, this song touched my heart the first time I heard it. Every lines in the song is meaningful. =)

Sparks in my new life

Nothing made me felt more alive before till I met you...

I seriously don't know how's life before I met you. I had no plans. But now,every little things I wanna do in life, I wanna do it together with you.
I wanna cherish every moment with you in life...
You're the best Gift ever from God although I'm not someone who is so religious.
Fate brought us together and now we are besties n soulmates.

Iloveyou, dear.

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With you, I'm alive

Before the day I met you, I was "dead"...
My old cheerful self changed so tremendously that I don't even recognize myself.
I couldn't find reasons for my laughter and cheerful self.
It's like, I couldn't find myself anymore.

But till the day I met you...after getting to know you more...after you told me that I'm great in every way...
I started to found myself. My old cheerful part of me.
Now my reasons for laughter is YOU.
Thanks for adding sparks and colors into my once dark and dull life...

Now, I felt more alive =)

Love you. <3