I'm Not Happy Today

Actually it was yesterday...

Uncle Daniel called. He disagrees that I hide the truth from dad. I know. I know I'm wrong. But, dad is just too unreasonable to tell him the truth. My scholarship might be withdrawn. Due to my sucky NUS results. I really did tried my best. I really do. I studied. I never go out with anyone. I never hang out till late nights. I cook myself. I didn't even eat with my friends. But I do admit there are times that I fell asleep while I'm studying. But take a break! I'm not a living machine or computer. Even computers and machines need to rest. So, what if when I'm a human?

I know it might be my fault. I don't have the super-hardworking attitude like those rajin students. I don't have the excellent and smart study skills like those smart students. I don't have an effective time management. I don't know how to study smartly like others. I'm not smart, I am not brilliant and bright as others. But I really did tried my best. Why can't he understand me?!

I've tried to gain lots of courage just to tell him about it, but he didn't even tries to let me explain things out and just hitted on my face that I'm being playful and wasting time on unimportant things esp FB. I admit I FB alot, but it was only when I'm emo-ing. I just write out how stressed and depressed I am and log out after a while. But, he said that I'm trying to give excuses and got so angry and hang up the phone. Imagine after gaining so much courage, but being turn off just like that? And he was shouting on the phone that he wants me to come back and stop my studies. WTH! I just can't do that! It's been long enough and through all hard works, you want me to give up my studies just like that? Why on Earth my dad is like this? Why can't he understand me like mum and sis?? Am I always portrayed as a bad daughter despite myself trying so hard to change myself? I've tried to be a good daughter but all these wouldn't satisfied him. Why on Earth I'm borned here then? Why bring me to this evil world then?

Sometimes, I wondered there are goods and bads that I'm brought up in this world. Meanwhile, for all those times of me 20 years being in this world called EArth, I've never been happy. I've never tasted joy and happiness. All I've ever tasted is just DSS (DEPRESSION, STRESS and SADNESS). After working in Yun Nam and Dome, I felt being loved a lil by my friends. I'm happy to be here. But still, most of the time, 99% of me is DSS. There are times I really think that I shouldn't be in this world.

Dad, I really hope that you can understand my situation soon. I really hope to continue my studies. Why can't you understand how tough to adapt to Spore studies when all these while Msia education is all spoon-fed and I've to tried my best to studies thing on my own. I really did tried my best. I really do. I know that I disappointed you, but still, I'm always trying my best. I hope one day soon you'll be able to understand how I went through and don't stop me from continuing my studies.