I Realised I Don't Know How to Love Someone

Looking through some of my friend's photos with their boyfriends, I realised that there are many things that I don't think I'll do for a guy.

I don't think I'll be that affectionate enough with a guy. Well, I'm not sure. Maybe I haven't really liked someone till I wanna show the whole world that he's my guy.

Though I'm in uni now, I still think that I'm not fated to love by a guy or to love a guy. I'm not a lesbian (though I always like to look at pretty girls. But hey, it's because I'm envied of their beauty. If only I'm cute and pretty, I wouldn't need to look at others and envy bout it) but I'm not sure if is it the past which affected me a lot till I'm afraid of love.

Perhaps, watching movies and dramas and experiences from some friends actually made me phobic towards love. I'm afraid to like someone. If I liked someone, I'll make sure that it's just temporary.

And there's one thing. I think I will think of my friends more importantly than my boyfriend. I remember there were once, this guy asked me out. Well, I like (LIKE ONLY) him before. So, surprisingly I rejected him for my besties. Hm...

Let's just put a full stop to this first. I was thinking if I have a boyfriend, will I dare to show PDA (Public Display Affection) in the public? Will I always wanted to hug a guy? I guess I'll come to a state when I'll get bored of doing all these lovey-dovey stuff. I'm so afraid that I'll get bored to someone so easily.

Anyway, I'll see when the time comes. Right now, study comes first. No, it's my future. Just that I've never put love as a priority. In my definition,love is just a necessity. That's it.