Sorry for not being here for some time. I was busy helping mum with the cookies and stuff. This week is really busy. I really felt so empty. Perhaps it was due to my craze over it. And GHS,the first woman to give me such powerful inspiration and the will to learn to be a tough person. I hate to admit it that I'm not completely changed,but I'm really trying hard. Trying so hard to stop myself from using vulgar words, trying to be patient when someone said something bad bout me, trying to be patient as possible and calm whenever problems arised. It was really a tough week for me to do all these. But I can tell I'm just about 30% of it. It's okay, I told myself. I'm almost there, to be a new person. Besides, Rom doesnt even take one day to be built. So, I must give myself some time to adjust, to learn and to change, right? Yeah, that was what I told myself. But things are really hard for me when I'm at home. Okay, these bad thinkings kept brain-wash me,but I had to shook it off immediately. I have to learn not to curse people and so on. It was a habit when I'm so pissed off when people made me angry. So, now I've minimised a lil. Because I have to change myself or else I would felt that I don't deserve to idolise GHS. She's such an angel, sometimes I asked if she was the transformed of the God,Kuan Yin because GHS really has a golden heart and a truly talented person I've ever knew in my whole life! Tell me, who else can ever beat her in all these? I can tell that I've never admire a woman in my life so much before till I knew her. How can one has such a beautiful heart and she was really talent beyond beauty?
She was a lady with so much inspiration,a truly gifted person, a real talent, a beauty and the most important thing is she is someone with the heart of gold. I've never knew any actress nor celebrity like her. This is the first time and i'm sure it would also be the the last that I admire a woman so much in my life. But, when I decided to idolise her, my soul sank a lil. Because I'm not a truly good person. No matter how I hate to admit this, but I have to tell I'm a truly sensitive people, people with no patience, easily gets grumpy, have mood swings, curse people when angry, take things for granted, blames people, accusing people without knowing the truths, and so much on... See? I'm such a bad bad person and this, this made me felt myself doesn't deserve to idolise someone with a kind heart. I wanted to be kind, I hope that I can be someone who is patient and so on, but my mood is really bad. That's why I need a change. I need to change so that people won't hate me for who I am. I wanted to be loved as well. And know what? It was really funny but please keep it a secret will ya? Last week, I saw the stars alligned in a cross-shaped. If I'm not mistaken, I remember that we did learnt bout stars during our Std 6, but I've already forgotten everything.Lol. I wonder what name is it? It's so hard to recall my memory.Sigh.And the funny thing is, I prayed in heart while looking at it. Hope that my wishes would come true.REally hope for it. I need it to realise my dreams.Please Please Please.
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