Timid Heart

Sometimes, I hate myself for having a timid, weak heart and easily traumatized by violence.
No ghost movies scares or traumatized me to a large extent before.
But violence.

Each time I witnessed a violent scene, my weak weak heart uncontrollably beats rapidly. The other body mechanism is causing my whole body to shiver. It usually lasted for more than an hour before going back to normal. But the heart would somehow keeps on beating at a fast rate.

Sometimes, whenever my mind is actively trying to involve in such scene (means that my mind is brave - such as thinking that we can scold that person or fight back) but my heart is so timid that it sends the signal to my brain faster than my mind, causing my body shivered uncontrollably.

Just like yesterday, I was working on my lab report while my bf was studying next to me. All of sudden, there's this Ancient guy whose hairstyle looks like The Beetles (I suspect he's a China guy cause he looks very China and also from the way he dressed), keeps on banging the table whenever there were noises. For godness sake, if he wants to study in a quiet place, he could have go to the library instead of the UTown area where there were seminar rooms. People at here usually makes a lot of noises and we must learn to discriminate those noises. I'm used to that.

Usually, I can study in a noisy place except when there were people talking near me. Failed to discriminate certain conversations though. At that time, everyone studying there also got shocked. Even the Jap-looking girl who just sat very next to him. At the mean time when I found his banging behaviour very disturbing, my mind is so brave that it keep telling me to go there and straightaway scold that guy.

But on the other hand, my weak heart send signals to my brain even faster than I could take any action, and the effect is, my heart beats unusually fast and I shivered uncontrollably. This is the effect when your body doesn't co-operate with your mind, I supposed.

 Actually, after approximately 12 hours from yesterday's time of incident, I am still traumatized and my heart beat rate was still unusual. :(

DEAR HEART, PLEASE BE STRONG!!!!