Song of sadness around the air

I don't know how to start.
I was discussing with mum bout the dark patches on my legs.
Mum said " Your white blood must be more than your red blood.That's why it's like this. It could be leukaemia. Do you got headaches everyday?"
I said not everyday,but quite often and sometimes felt like fainting.
She said maybe it is leukaemia. The symptoms are like this.
I cant believe it. No way,I am still young.
What have I done so wrong that God have to punish me in this way?!
Tears started flowing right after mum said that. But I hide my tears.
I cant just let mum see that I cried. I must be tough. I have to learn not to show anyone how sad I am again!
I really do not want to accept the fact. I asked mum again if she was just joking.
She said she wasn't sure. Monday would bring me to the hospital for check up and blood test.
No way. I won't end up my life just like that.
I have to fight with it. I still have many things yet to done and many wishes of mine has never realised yet.
So, I can't just die. Think positive,Sherlyn. Technologies now are so much advanced. I am going to be a survivor even if I'm really diagnosed with it. But yet, I wish that it was not leukaemia.
Be tough. I should not cry over this. Wait till Monday and wait for the blood test result.
I am going to be able to get through this. My destiny is in my hand. I must fight for life. Everything's going to be just fine and I'll survive! I trust myself.

Second thing is,I just read something which I shouldn't read.
Is it really a genuine misunderstandings between us? But what's the explanation when * left me the other day? * said * was angry. But, what bout me? Dont * know how I felt when I've been lefted? Things that I scared the most is being abandoned. I guess no one really knows how I felt when being lefted all alone. I've been lefted alone in Maxwell once when I was 4 by my parents who genuinely do not aware of my absence. I've never tell anyone in my life about this because I just do not want to remember it again though it is still fresh in my mind.I remembered that time I was crying in tears, calling for mum and dad but no one answered me. I was so scared that time and I keep walking and crying. Tears was so much that it kept flooded my eyes. Walking into the forests which I never came before and yelling for mum and dad till my voice almost ran off. I ran through the forest and tripped many time,crying at the same time.I do not know what else I could do. I was only 4! After quite some time of crying, I guess I was lucky. A man heard me. He quickly came to my aid and carried me down. My knees was bleeding. Perhaps the scar on my right knee reminds me of being lefted,that's why I could never ever delete this memory. After that when we reached the foot of the hill,I saw my parents frantically searching for me. I quickly ran to mum,forgetting bout the pain on my knee. Really thank to that man who saved my life. That's why I was so afraid of being left alone. Just like the other day when I went hiking with my friends, Serena and Chiz May. When they said they wanna used the shortcut, I've actually got scared. But I told them I could be alright with it. But this proves me wrong. I'm writing my feeling here not to push the responsibilities to them. But it was actually myself being no use. When they walked so fast and so far away from me, I started thinking bout the past. I was trying to be fast like them but I can't. I was so scared. That day was so much like the day when I was being aparted from my parents. That's why I was crying throughout my expedition. I thought of stopping awhile and continue thereafter, but once stopped, many mosquitoes surrounded me and it was not one or two but it was like a hundreds of them. I kept trying to climb.But during the trials,I do not know why all of sudden I felt like giving up and jumping off. But,voices in my head telling me that I sure be able to do it.I've survive once and I'll survive again this time.Though I felt a little faint,I still kept trying.I've tripped many times.Yelling for them but i guess it was no use. They wouldn't be able to hear me cause they was so much far away from me. If want to blame, it was only myself I should blame.It was myself being so useless. But at last, Serena heard me I guess and came down to look for me. She's actually being caring towards me but I really felt sorry to 'lepaskan geram' to her. I am really sorry. It was just that my past has really affected me so much. Sometimes I'm really too hot tempered and suspicious...It was really my weakness. So much hard I've tried so much to change them but rather hard for me. Sigh. Could I forget my past? But this scar which I'm looking at it now still doesnt goes away...And it kept me remember them...Is the scar telling me that I should be tough?