My Heart Started to Ache...

I never know that my heart could be aching this badly...
Never did I felt such way...apart from feeling the same way for Strawberry that time...
But, the 1-sided feelings for Strawberry was not the aching type, it's the happy and heart-racing type...
But this time, I never knew that there is someone that actually made me felt almost the same way, but at the same time, making my heart aches so badly...
I guessed going to the doctor wouldn't be able to cure this heart ache...
That's why I drank so much yesterday...that I was so dead drunk and totally couldn't remember what I did to the guy that took care of me...And I don't even know who took care of me too until I asked a close friend of mine from NY...

All along I thought it was him...Perhaps my imagination was because they wore almost the same shirt? And I not sure if I mumbled things to him..And I asked James if I said something like " .........." to him and he replied that i said something into along that line...Oh my oh my...I'm afraid that I am actually told him that I liked someone...Gone are my secrets...>.<

Ugh...Each time I talked about you..Each time I think about you...It seems that you're always on my mind...And I kept hearing your names...But, each time when people didn't mention your name, i mistakenly heard your name...

When people compliment about you, I am delighted, excited...It's like my life was in heaven...You can't even describe those feelings...I realized it was LOVE. But, can someone teach me how to pull myself out of this quicksand?

Though I really felt suffered, I realized I'm willing to be the one suffer rather than him suffer after knowing that I liked him...I still don't know if he knows it, but if he doesn't, I really never want him to know...

Know what? I realized that he actually has lots of girls around him. And they are of better requirements than me...So, I guessed that I should be the one giving up right? People said that I have 2 choice...

1) Oh Ha Ni's style. To be brave and dare to chase after their happiness...
2) Jan Di's style. Just leave it like that, don't want to let him know. Instead, wish for his happiness and help him to be together with the other girl, if can.

I think I'd be in route 2. Since I'm not the one who is brave to chase after my happiness and kept letting them go away...Yeah, that's me. I don't know how to chase after the person I like cause I'd kept comparing myself with the person he likes...And I don't have all those personalities that guys will like, that's tough.

I'm weak. I cry easily. Sigh, of course there are other guys around me too. But, none of them are my cup of coffee...But particularly, i had some selfishness in me cause I got thought of wanting him to be with me...But afer a long thought, I think route 2 suits me better. Just leave it and wish for his happiness.

So,Mr Nice Guy, I really hope that you'd be able to chase after the girl you like...:)