All day long,I've been questioning myself, collecting my little memories, but I still don't know who I am and what I'm living for.
I walked alone this late evening. I realized that I am so afraid of people. They're strangers, but yet,I couldn't find myself walking down the street and looking in front or maybe around. Maybe what that meanie said was true. I had a severe disorder that I couldn't overcome and I need a psychiatrist.
But can I live in denial? I know that I'm having a SAD... I always tried to appear happy in front of people, but sometimes I'm really tired of pretending, and I can't let people know that I'm having this disorder. I'm ashamed of who I am, I don't feel pretty like others do, I don't have the talents that others have. I couldn't study smart like others. I don't know how some people could love themselves, but I just couldn't find a reason to love myself.
Look at me, looks - I don't have it, talents - I don't have any, studies - I'm suck at it. Why I don't have at least something that I can make myself feel impressed, to make myself love myself much?
Do you know how hurt it is to develop SAD? The reason I had it is because I couldn't learn to love myself. What am I living for? I don't know and I'm really clueless. It made me died inside every single day.
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aiyo my dear cute gal..
ReplyDeletehm..
i had the same feelings as you last yr when im in uni..
i had severe acne prob..
i felt so shameful of myself..
i had lots negative rumours about me..
and i feel better if no one notice my presence..
then i dont have any close friend,not even someone i can talk to in uni..
not even someone who knows me well..
coz they're too different from me..
or perhaps im too different from them..
i dont have any activities partners here..
everything i do im alone..
sucks in my study..
crying every night by myself..
then i started to realize why wanna make myself so unhappy..
it's my own life..
why wanna care about what others think about me..
who would care about your feelings when they're gossiping about you..
not one will..
except ourselves..
so love yourself..
so now i live the way i like..
do things i like..
when you feel frustrated..
shout out in our siao cha bos group la..
they'd give us support no matter what..
think of your happy moments with friends and family when sad..
after all..
life is too short to feel sad le..
never take time for granted..
make good use of it..
we never know what would happen tomorrow..
do you think it's worthy if oneday somehow something happened and your life is ended just like that?
not worthy right??
and be more confident la..
you're in singapore..
we're in malaysia..
i have never even step into s'pore..
never ever dare to think about nus..
but look,
you're so much better than so much of us..
you could sing well..
and you're cute la my sweetie..
be more confident with yourself..
if you keep all the negative thought with you everyday, things would definately become negative..
if you think positively, appreciates whatever that comes to you..
life would be meaningful..
dont look at what you dont have..
be proud of what you have..
since you're in nus..study hard and dont think so much..
the more you think,the more complicated things become..
think of your life goals..
and move forward..
jia you!!
ahh..jia you for me also..
i still got 7 papers..
faint...
till then,see you soon!(^_~)