Seeking for a father figure

I read Sunday's paper (Yeah, I know today's Tuesday:/ ) and realized why I'm interested in elder, married men when I'm 14...First, I had attraction towards one of my Uncle who treat me good. Second, I was attracted to my English teacher,S when I was 15...However, I was so crazy about S for almost 2 years+. I could still remember how happy when I get to walk with him alone when we're on school tour. Visit him almost everyday during break time and after school. Ha-ha. Can recall actually most of the stuffs. It's weird, I know, especially when he was almost 3 times my age that time...:\

After reading the message from the girl to the "counsellor" in the don't know what column...I just know that people would wrote about their problems anonymously and the "counsellor" would give advices based on their situations...

Her family situation is almost like mine...Parent fights at times...Dad doesn't really show loves and often scold and beat her although she did nothing wrong (which is just like mine)...Hence, she all of sudden, became attracted to elder married men...And I felt what she was describing was really like mine. And after reading the counsellor's advices, I realized that what she/he said could be true.

At that moment, I also wished that S was my father too..And how good it would be if I'm his daughter...I just realized that that moment I was just seeking for a father figure, wanted a dad's love so much but I never had one. :(

Yeah, I know. That's also why I realized why I would cried in all movies when the father in the movie sacrificed so much just for the daughter (like in Journey  2) and also most HK dramas. This is also why I would cry when I watched most movies and dramas that showed the affection of a family, and how strong a family bond is...

Actually, I know that I always wanted a brother who loves me, and a brother that I can love. I had brothers, but sometimes, they really irritated me. My elder brother can be good to me, but most of the times, it depends on his mood. Sighhh...is it that I'm not easily satisfied?

..............