Just finished watching Ep 6 of Ex-boyfriend. Reminds me of my first love somehow. It's a story of everlasting love. But not in my case of course.

It reminded me a lot bout J. I remembered how it took me almost 9 years to forget and forgive him. As some of you had knew, my first love was my own cousin. I was 11 at that time, while he was 10. We were both young and naive.

I could still remember that when he first courted me, he stuffed a written message into my puppy teddy bear, confessing his feelings. That time, I was shy. Then, I showed his letter to his sister and his sister ran all over the house to show everyone the letter. Then, he felt unhappy bout it, and it made me felt guilty. But, after that, he forgave me and said it was his sister's fault, not mine. Then, last time, he would always asked my dad's permission on my behalf so that I can go Penang/Ipoh with his family and him. Then, sometimes, he would feed me.

Cause I was angry about our break up, I deleted all his emails and burnt his letters. We broke up when I was 12, but back together when I was 15, when his family and him made a trip to Taiping. Then, after his trip from Singapore, he bought me a necklace (but now it was lost. Maybe it's fated) and wore it on me. This marked my happiest day actually.

Then, when I was 16, and his family and him came back for holidays. One day, he was chatting on MSN with a so-called friend. But, I saw some of the messages content, which doesn't even seems to be like friend's talk. I asked him, but...he dragged me out of the room and closed the door, without saying anything. That time, I already knew, it could be him seeing someone else. Cause, the time when he reached Taiping, he never been close together with me like he used to. After a few days, he told me he wanted to break up. And because of hurt and anger, I said that it's fine it that's what he want. I didn't demand for reasons.

Anyway, unlike the story in "Ex-Boyfriend", mine was so far different. People broke up because of parents' objection, but mine....it's affair. Anyway, After 9 years, I managed to let go of my feelings and also let go of the hatred bout him leaving me after all those promises. After all, that time, we are so young and naive, and we wouldn't even understand what is love.

Memories remains as memories. Once a relationship is ended, there's no turning back. Sometimes, giving a second chance is like giving a chance for that person to hurt ourselves. But sometimes, not giving a second chance, you may loose the chance of feeling "xin fu" with that person. Love is really a confusing thing. When it's too perfect, we would doubt. When it's imperfect, we would complain. How should love be?

p/s: Dardar, don't be sad reading this kay? Cause the person I'm in love with and I wanted to grow old with is --- YOU. I know now you may think that you are unable to give whatever I want, but I really understand. What I want is only my time with you. I don't care bout necklace, dresses, handbags or whatever as long as I get to spend more time with you.