why must it be her

All along I've sensed something. Maybe I'm too slow. Everyone knew it started beginning of this sem. But towards end of the semester, I'm the last to know.

Do I feel unhappy about it? I don't know. Or is it I'm unhappy because I'm the last to know bout it? But why am I feeling so grumpy and unhappy after knowing bout this and worst thing is, I'm the last to know.

Anyway, I won't be meeting these people anymore. So... it's great. Cause it's one of my wish Not to meet them. Except some people, of Course. There are some that are good friends but certainly I put up a boundary wall cause I don't wanna come into conclusion too fast like one of the classmates that I thought I can trust on but in the end, I realize I couldn't put trust to her anymore. It seems like she changed a lot after she went exchange with the others in the class.

Anyway, enough of feeling grumpy or unhappy. It's already the end of our journey and I won't be seeing them either. So yeah, I'll end it here.

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My blog is a place for me to venge my anger

Bitch please!

If you don't wanna help me in explaining on how to do the lab report, just tell me! Don't have to come with all sorts of excuses to avoid my questions.

In fact, if it wasn't because you're the only one who finished writing the lab report, I'm just trying to ask a minor question due to some contradictions from the graphs that I've plotted. I'm not asking you to show me how you plot the graphs or ask u to do anything for me! Just because the ln(delta LAB) vs time plot gave a super negative regression value, which is not normal, so I'm just trying to ask if you got the same problem as I've encountered. Yes, you answered that question. But, as all of us know, that regression values shouldn't be negative. But, you're trying to avoid my questions and not even try to think about it together. We did the experiments in a group, but you bitch...Okay whatever. Any updates, if you've done it wrongly, then it's your own problem. Probably, you just blindly copy whatever the senior did. Which in the case, the senior actually did it wrongly. Thanks to one kind soul, who although not in my experiment group, was still willing to explain things to me and help me get my clarifications of my doubts.

I thanked you for not helping me bitch! Cause I learned more from that helpful soul compared to people like you. Although you're smart with GPA above 4.6, but your attitude is fucking bad!

Genuinely Good?

All of sudden these people "treat" me good...
Giving me fruits and tidbits...

But sorry if you're sincerely good to me, but I know I had this habit of doubting people since I came here. Since people had hidden meanings when they offered me food.

I had this classmate who occasionally offers me stuffs when he don't want it.
One of them I could remember most is when he offered me an egg tart that a friend made for him on his birthday.
So pity that girl right. People make for him so xing ku, (no intention, not trying to woo him or something okay. that girl already had a bf). Then, he asked me if he wants it. Then, I happily said "yes". A bit dumb that time cause I don't know it was an unwanted stuff. Then only my friends said, "Eh...X, why you so bad?"Then only I started getting curious. Like, why they said like that.

Another occasion, a friend offered me expired cereal drinks. @.@
What's her intention???

Then, from now on, I started to become more careful and selective and grew wiser. Not all things people offered to us, we can accept.

The Feeling of Nakedness

Under this super hot weather...
The only thing that you wanted to do is ...
To strip off your clothes and enjoy the wind blow against your skin.
Yeah, this is what I wanted to do so bad.

But, because I'm in public, I can't do that. >.<
Oh dear, why must the weather be so hot?
Hot weather seriously pisses me off.
Cause I hated to sweat.

Damn, I can't take off anything and enjoy the air-cond.
It's better to enjoy the air-cond without clothes on. Seriously.
Miss my room (in Taiping), where I can just lie down on the bed with the air-cond on and feeling so nude. :)   It's the best feeling ever!

Sometimes you just got tired of asking

Asked...rejected...
Hinted...yet no actions...
Given hopes...and later you crushed all the hopes...
All of sudden, I felt lost of hopes...Don't dare to put too much hopes in whatever you say anymore...
Which is why I realized why people said action is louder than words...
Words are easily said. But actions show more than words.

Anyway, after much of the disappointments and being happy and suddenly being unhappy because of the crushed hopes, I decided that I would ask and hint no more. Unless, unless...something (which you should think it yourself).

Shall Stop...being Clingy

Feels so silly to cry in such a public place. Know it's embarrassing (hope no one STOMP me, will KILL that person if STOMP me crying >.<), but these stubborn tears and nose keep refused to listen to my brain's command.

Dear tear glands and mucous glands,
Why must you all listen to my heart!!!!??? Can you please listen to my brain, stop crying and stop producing mucus, making me looks like I'm crying like ...I don't know...

Feel so sad whenever I see couples together....Seeing my friends meeting their boyfriends after lessons. Then, makes me wonder....where's ...mine.

Yeah, I know I'm too clingy. Sorry for that. I'll try to be more independent. Be less clingy too. I'll try.

Accusation

I really hate being accused for things that I didn't do, or the things I didn't do on purpose.

Last Friday, we had a Sensory Lab. I placed my bag and my file on the first table next to a coursemate. Then, a friend called us up to go to the table behind the first table for HACCP discussion. V sat on the seat opposite to my seat. Since half of the first sem, V and I became enemies. I was still angry for what she said about how she deserve a scholarship more than me, but I do try to shook it away and tried to be good to her. But, V never appreciated that. So, I just remain unfriend with her.

But sometimes, she really gone too far. Not only she has been saying bad things behind my back, she accused me of "stealing" her friend's lab manual. Please, why the heck must I go still people's lab manual when everyone has the same lab manual??? I have no rights to point fingers to say that she's the one who placed my lab manual far away and put her friend's lab manual on my file. (Cause before I went to the other table for my discussion, I put my lab manual on top of my purple file).

Yes, I admit that I accidentally took  her friend's lab manual as I mistaken it as my lab manual because it's on my file! And I swear that I didn't did it on purpose, because the sensory test was quite fast, and I was is the midst of the discussion. So, when the TA called our numbers, I just rushed to my seat and grab the lab manual on my file. And I seriously didn't know that the lab manual wasn't mine until I do my sensory test in the conference room! And that was the time when I started panicking during the sensory test because there's a form in the lab manual that we have to submit and I realised that lab manual I'm holding, wasn't mine and the form is not there!

I was lucky that my lecturer was kind to me, and gave me another form as I told him that someone misplaced someone else's lab manual on my place. Then, when I came back from the conference room, I put the lab manual on the first table back, just in case that person would frantically find her lab manual. So, I tried searching for mine, and it was far away from my place. I seriously unsure if that person did it on purpose, or genuinely misplaced my lab manual. Then, when I found mine, G shouted my name loudly and said that I took her lab manual. I apologized to her and explained what happened. Then I saw V whisper to her and said that I did it on purpose.

That time, I felt angered and a lil hurted. For I know that G will trust V's words. I broke down (of course not in the lab) and Grace and Weng Chan saw me crying, offering me help if I needed. Grace tried asking me what's wrong, but I didn't tell. I wanted to tell, but still, I think, even if I tell, there's nothing much they can do. I was a lil touched that Grace came to me to comfort me awhile, but, sometimes, I'm too scared of people. Maybe I find it too hard to open up to people from my course.

Well, there's one quote from Lea that I really think it's relevant to me:

"Don't be defeated by people's words. People may try all ways to bring us down, but it's so funny when they realized that their words and actions doesn't have any effects towards us. Just be ourselves :)"