Today is Sunday,date: 03/01/2010
My heart suddenly felt so empty.
Maybe it was due to boredness.
I felt like going out and have fun with my bunch of friends and be "gila-gila" a bit.
I think my life was so happy when I'm hanging out with friends, talking nonsense, and be "gila-gila", acting like we're still children.
Haha.
Tomorrow I'm starting work.
I'm happy because I don't have to stay at home dying of boredom.
But I'm so missing the Korean Drama Boys Before Flower.
I wanted to buy it.
But I'm going HK in a few days' time.
And my budget is running so low.
I'm so sad.
I wanna buy something for my friends. [Only for my best friends lar]
I'm not sure either how much I need to spend there.
I heard that the stuff there are very expensive.
I'm hoping that my budget would be enough to buy things for them.
Hm...guess that right now I have to earn, earn and earn.
But how? I'm not doing two part time jobs.
How good if the payment was like in Australia?
Just picking apples can actually earn me about 1500+ australian dolla/mnth.
Okay.
I know I'm dreaming now.
There's no way I'm allowed to go somewhere so far yet now.
Sigh.Sigh.Sigh.
I started missing Ji Ho and Yi Jung. I wanna buy the DVD.
I'm so determined to.
And after my trip back,I'm gonna buy clothes at The Store.
Funny huh?
I've never thought of myself ever buying clothes at there.
But, I kinda felt that I'm becoming kinda...materialistic?
I know I don't earn much yet.
But shopping is also a way for me to release stress.(well,maybe it was because he made me like that after the break.Okay.I'm gonna tell myself it's not because of him!It's because I want to change to a better me.But like this am I kinda spoiling myself?)
Well.I don't know.Okay.I don't care it either.
But don't worry.I'm for sure am still able to budget things.I'm not like the stupid guys in my house.
Now,I just want money,money, money.
Money allows me to buy everything I want. It lets me to do what I want (of course not crime.I'm a civilised person ok?)
By the way, today I went jog around the Lake Garden with my bro. After jog, he brought me to eat at a HK DimSum restaurant near the lake. I just ate some because it was my bro treating and I don't dare to call so much. But the dimsum there quite nice though it was a small restaurant.but it was also kinda expensive. I just took egg tart,wantan,pau,siiu mai and one of the dim sum there(i dunno the name) and it costed rm 13.30.lol.
Hey Serena and Aggie ,if you see this blog, we find a day to eat there okay? Ask tee xin,jenni and others too ok?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Hana Yori Dango a.k.a Boys Over Flowers...This drama really made me crazy..I'm so so crazy over these two guys, Yung Ji Hoo ( Kim Hyun Joon ) and So Yi Jung ( Kim Bum )...I like Ji Hoo because of his character,his personality and his warmth...He's not only good looking but he's really caring and understanding...I just love his the way he is...So Yi Jung,though he's a playboy, but I think he's a guy who really gave me such a special feeling. I don't know how to explain. But it's really something. And I'm not so sure how to say it. There's no doubt he's damn so good looking. But I'm sure it's not his good look which attracts me. I just don't know how to say. I'm so happy I've finally managed to download all the ost...Their instruments(violin,guitar,saxophone) the songs really gave me comfort...releases my tension when I'm feeling so tensed. But, I'm so crazy over it now. I really wanna buy the dvd.But...my financial problems stopped me. Sometimes I'm really angered with myself. Why must I bornt in this family where my dad wouldn't even care bout my future? sumone who never even think for her daughter's future? I'm really envied others where they can easily get money just by asking their parents...But I have no one to turn to when I'm facing it. Not even when I'm facing problem,I have someone to turn to. I really wish that I could always have someone I could really trust where I can share my secrets with and my secrets will be kept safely with him/her...But still, it's hard to find. I realised this world in order to survive, there are many things can't be really told...Thanks for the music im listening to it right now...It really gave me much comfort...My heart suddenly felt much lighter after hearing it...Closing my eyes while listening to it,it was something really peaceful...Good nite...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The song which made me felt alive
After M2M,I've never found any female singer which could make me love music so much.
Last time it was because M2M's songs are so much meaningful to me and really made me felt...I don't know how to explain that feeling but it was special.
But M2M seems to "fade" slowly.
But then,I found her.
It was Taylor Swift.
The 20year-old country pop star really made me so much in love with her and her songs.
She was so much awesome.
The most awesome singer which made me alive again.
I guess this song "Crazier" sang by her which made me feels so alive.
That feeling was special.
I've never felt that way before.
Not for any singer,but only her.
It was her which made me.
All her songs and her talent made me so crave for her lyrics and to download all her songs and even buying her original album, which I'd keep it postpone for a meantime as I'm having financial problem now.
I'm sorry.
This is the lyric of the song which I love the most,Crazier :
I've never gone with the wind
Just let it flow
Let it take me where it wants to go
Till you open the door
There's so much more
I've never seen it before
I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings,
But you came along and you changed everything.
*You lifted my feet off the ground
And spinned me around
You made me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your arms
You made me crazier, crazier, crazier.
I watched from a distance as you
Made life your own
Every sky was your own kind of blue
And I wanted to know
How that would feel
And you made it so real
You showed me something which I couldn't see
You opened my eyes and you made me believe
Repeat*
You showed me what living is for
I don't want to hide anymore..Oh Oh
Repeat*
Last time it was because M2M's songs are so much meaningful to me and really made me felt...I don't know how to explain that feeling but it was special.
But M2M seems to "fade" slowly.
But then,I found her.
It was Taylor Swift.
The 20year-old country pop star really made me so much in love with her and her songs.
She was so much awesome.
The most awesome singer which made me alive again.
I guess this song "Crazier" sang by her which made me feels so alive.
That feeling was special.
I've never felt that way before.
Not for any singer,but only her.
It was her which made me.
All her songs and her talent made me so crave for her lyrics and to download all her songs and even buying her original album, which I'd keep it postpone for a meantime as I'm having financial problem now.
I'm sorry.
This is the lyric of the song which I love the most,Crazier :
I've never gone with the wind
Just let it flow
Let it take me where it wants to go
Till you open the door
There's so much more
I've never seen it before
I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings,
But you came along and you changed everything.
*You lifted my feet off the ground
And spinned me around
You made me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your arms
You made me crazier, crazier, crazier.
I watched from a distance as you
Made life your own
Every sky was your own kind of blue
And I wanted to know
How that would feel
And you made it so real
You showed me something which I couldn't see
You opened my eyes and you made me believe
Repeat*
You showed me what living is for
I don't want to hide anymore..Oh Oh
Repeat*
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Song of sadness around the air
I don't know how to start.
I was discussing with mum bout the dark patches on my legs.
Mum said " Your white blood must be more than your red blood.That's why it's like this. It could be leukaemia. Do you got headaches everyday?"
I said not everyday,but quite often and sometimes felt like fainting.
She said maybe it is leukaemia. The symptoms are like this.
I cant believe it. No way,I am still young.
What have I done so wrong that God have to punish me in this way?!
Tears started flowing right after mum said that. But I hide my tears.
I cant just let mum see that I cried. I must be tough. I have to learn not to show anyone how sad I am again!
I really do not want to accept the fact. I asked mum again if she was just joking.
She said she wasn't sure. Monday would bring me to the hospital for check up and blood test.
No way. I won't end up my life just like that.
I have to fight with it. I still have many things yet to done and many wishes of mine has never realised yet.
So, I can't just die. Think positive,Sherlyn. Technologies now are so much advanced. I am going to be a survivor even if I'm really diagnosed with it. But yet, I wish that it was not leukaemia.
Be tough. I should not cry over this. Wait till Monday and wait for the blood test result.
I am going to be able to get through this. My destiny is in my hand. I must fight for life. Everything's going to be just fine and I'll survive! I trust myself.
Second thing is,I just read something which I shouldn't read.
Is it really a genuine misunderstandings between us? But what's the explanation when * left me the other day? * said * was angry. But, what bout me? Dont * know how I felt when I've been lefted? Things that I scared the most is being abandoned. I guess no one really knows how I felt when being lefted all alone. I've been lefted alone in Maxwell once when I was 4 by my parents who genuinely do not aware of my absence. I've never tell anyone in my life about this because I just do not want to remember it again though it is still fresh in my mind.I remembered that time I was crying in tears, calling for mum and dad but no one answered me. I was so scared that time and I keep walking and crying. Tears was so much that it kept flooded my eyes. Walking into the forests which I never came before and yelling for mum and dad till my voice almost ran off. I ran through the forest and tripped many time,crying at the same time.I do not know what else I could do. I was only 4! After quite some time of crying, I guess I was lucky. A man heard me. He quickly came to my aid and carried me down. My knees was bleeding. Perhaps the scar on my right knee reminds me of being lefted,that's why I could never ever delete this memory. After that when we reached the foot of the hill,I saw my parents frantically searching for me. I quickly ran to mum,forgetting bout the pain on my knee. Really thank to that man who saved my life. That's why I was so afraid of being left alone. Just like the other day when I went hiking with my friends, Serena and Chiz May. When they said they wanna used the shortcut, I've actually got scared. But I told them I could be alright with it. But this proves me wrong. I'm writing my feeling here not to push the responsibilities to them. But it was actually myself being no use. When they walked so fast and so far away from me, I started thinking bout the past. I was trying to be fast like them but I can't. I was so scared. That day was so much like the day when I was being aparted from my parents. That's why I was crying throughout my expedition. I thought of stopping awhile and continue thereafter, but once stopped, many mosquitoes surrounded me and it was not one or two but it was like a hundreds of them. I kept trying to climb.But during the trials,I do not know why all of sudden I felt like giving up and jumping off. But,voices in my head telling me that I sure be able to do it.I've survive once and I'll survive again this time.Though I felt a little faint,I still kept trying.I've tripped many times.Yelling for them but i guess it was no use. They wouldn't be able to hear me cause they was so much far away from me. If want to blame, it was only myself I should blame.It was myself being so useless. But at last, Serena heard me I guess and came down to look for me. She's actually being caring towards me but I really felt sorry to 'lepaskan geram' to her. I am really sorry. It was just that my past has really affected me so much. Sometimes I'm really too hot tempered and suspicious...It was really my weakness. So much hard I've tried so much to change them but rather hard for me. Sigh. Could I forget my past? But this scar which I'm looking at it now still doesnt goes away...And it kept me remember them...Is the scar telling me that I should be tough?
I was discussing with mum bout the dark patches on my legs.
Mum said " Your white blood must be more than your red blood.That's why it's like this. It could be leukaemia. Do you got headaches everyday?"
I said not everyday,but quite often and sometimes felt like fainting.
She said maybe it is leukaemia. The symptoms are like this.
I cant believe it. No way,I am still young.
What have I done so wrong that God have to punish me in this way?!
Tears started flowing right after mum said that. But I hide my tears.
I cant just let mum see that I cried. I must be tough. I have to learn not to show anyone how sad I am again!
I really do not want to accept the fact. I asked mum again if she was just joking.
She said she wasn't sure. Monday would bring me to the hospital for check up and blood test.
No way. I won't end up my life just like that.
I have to fight with it. I still have many things yet to done and many wishes of mine has never realised yet.
So, I can't just die. Think positive,Sherlyn. Technologies now are so much advanced. I am going to be a survivor even if I'm really diagnosed with it. But yet, I wish that it was not leukaemia.
Be tough. I should not cry over this. Wait till Monday and wait for the blood test result.
I am going to be able to get through this. My destiny is in my hand. I must fight for life. Everything's going to be just fine and I'll survive! I trust myself.
Second thing is,I just read something which I shouldn't read.
Is it really a genuine misunderstandings between us? But what's the explanation when * left me the other day? * said * was angry. But, what bout me? Dont * know how I felt when I've been lefted? Things that I scared the most is being abandoned. I guess no one really knows how I felt when being lefted all alone. I've been lefted alone in Maxwell once when I was 4 by my parents who genuinely do not aware of my absence. I've never tell anyone in my life about this because I just do not want to remember it again though it is still fresh in my mind.I remembered that time I was crying in tears, calling for mum and dad but no one answered me. I was so scared that time and I keep walking and crying. Tears was so much that it kept flooded my eyes. Walking into the forests which I never came before and yelling for mum and dad till my voice almost ran off. I ran through the forest and tripped many time,crying at the same time.I do not know what else I could do. I was only 4! After quite some time of crying, I guess I was lucky. A man heard me. He quickly came to my aid and carried me down. My knees was bleeding. Perhaps the scar on my right knee reminds me of being lefted,that's why I could never ever delete this memory. After that when we reached the foot of the hill,I saw my parents frantically searching for me. I quickly ran to mum,forgetting bout the pain on my knee. Really thank to that man who saved my life. That's why I was so afraid of being left alone. Just like the other day when I went hiking with my friends, Serena and Chiz May. When they said they wanna used the shortcut, I've actually got scared. But I told them I could be alright with it. But this proves me wrong. I'm writing my feeling here not to push the responsibilities to them. But it was actually myself being no use. When they walked so fast and so far away from me, I started thinking bout the past. I was trying to be fast like them but I can't. I was so scared. That day was so much like the day when I was being aparted from my parents. That's why I was crying throughout my expedition. I thought of stopping awhile and continue thereafter, but once stopped, many mosquitoes surrounded me and it was not one or two but it was like a hundreds of them. I kept trying to climb.But during the trials,I do not know why all of sudden I felt like giving up and jumping off. But,voices in my head telling me that I sure be able to do it.I've survive once and I'll survive again this time.Though I felt a little faint,I still kept trying.I've tripped many times.Yelling for them but i guess it was no use. They wouldn't be able to hear me cause they was so much far away from me. If want to blame, it was only myself I should blame.It was myself being so useless. But at last, Serena heard me I guess and came down to look for me. She's actually being caring towards me but I really felt sorry to 'lepaskan geram' to her. I am really sorry. It was just that my past has really affected me so much. Sometimes I'm really too hot tempered and suspicious...It was really my weakness. So much hard I've tried so much to change them but rather hard for me. Sigh. Could I forget my past? But this scar which I'm looking at it now still doesnt goes away...And it kept me remember them...Is the scar telling me that I should be tough?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
My first time in a gym
Gosh.
Yesterday was my first time in a gym.
I was so excited.
Initially I don't even know how to work out the machines there.
Luckily my friend taught me how to.
We went CRC for a work-out.
I used the treadmill and the i-dont-know the name of the machine but it was some kinda which you stand on it and your whole body would shake.
Haha.
I was so intended to burn down my calories.
But,I was dead tired!
Perhaps it was because I havent went for exercises for such a L-O-N-G time.
Lol.
And after an hour+ of workout, I started to become addicted.
I don't felt like going home.
Felt like wanna spend the day in the gym and ....exercise to firm and tone my body.
Whole body.
I wanna slim down.
I want an ideal weight.
But, I have to tell, I'm not a disciplined girl!
I told my friend after the workout, "Hey,I felt like wanna chuck in some snack to my this huge stomach!"
My friend said," Lol. Are you sure? If you ate these after exercise, you're gonna weigh extra 40% of ur current weight!"
Haha.
After went home,I ate fried rice at 11am.
You see, I said I want to reduce my weight and yet I was so greedy.
Lol.
I guess I must be determined and disciplined to achieve my aim.
Sherlyn,stop eating!!!
Lol.
When is the time I would ever get the chance to go to gym again???
I was damn-addicted.
Yesterday was my first time in a gym.
I was so excited.
Initially I don't even know how to work out the machines there.
Luckily my friend taught me how to.
We went CRC for a work-out.
I used the treadmill and the i-dont-know the name of the machine but it was some kinda which you stand on it and your whole body would shake.
Haha.
I was so intended to burn down my calories.
But,I was dead tired!
Perhaps it was because I havent went for exercises for such a L-O-N-G time.
Lol.
And after an hour+ of workout, I started to become addicted.
I don't felt like going home.
Felt like wanna spend the day in the gym and ....exercise to firm and tone my body.
Whole body.
I wanna slim down.
I want an ideal weight.
But, I have to tell, I'm not a disciplined girl!
I told my friend after the workout, "Hey,I felt like wanna chuck in some snack to my this huge stomach!"
My friend said," Lol. Are you sure? If you ate these after exercise, you're gonna weigh extra 40% of ur current weight!"
Haha.
After went home,I ate fried rice at 11am.
You see, I said I want to reduce my weight and yet I was so greedy.
Lol.
I guess I must be determined and disciplined to achieve my aim.
Sherlyn,stop eating!!!
Lol.
When is the time I would ever get the chance to go to gym again???
I was damn-addicted.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Countdowning to the days we finish STPM
Haha...while everyone was so busy studying...I guess now im the only weirdo who is on9-ing and facebook-ing...haha...Suddenly I don't felt like wanna study anymore...What happened to me? I don't know...Last month was exam month...And I guess i did pretty badly for all the papers...I've really put an effort to study...But...perhaps it was all due to my improper ways of studying...After I realised the perfect way to study,It was all already too late...I should have refer to what Don wrote in the forum...And if last year I did study and not wasting my time..I could have done much better compared to others...Now what I am really is a 'loser'...All the while I must have thought that my Chemistry was good,but this proves me wrong during the trial...and also during my Chem Paper 2 exam last month...I know im just good in Organic...Physical is my weakest amongst the 3...I really have passion for Chemistry...I love Chemistry a lot than the other subjects and I really cant accept that I can't get A for my Chemistry...And the most important thing is I don't want to disappoint my teacher who has put her faith in me that I'd done well...I really don't want to disappoint her as well as myself...So,I was really determined that this time,after PA exam,I will do all the exercises(there is no time for exercise rite nw,wad is left tht i can do now is to read the books with solutions and this can be considered to kill 2 birds with one stone)...I must jia you...!!!
And i was really really happy that I still left 4 days to finish...one month passed real fast...But im rather sad a lil that most of us would go our own pathway right after the exam...Some of us couldn't meet,some might go to work and so on...When TeeXin,Jenn and I discuss bout our gathering again,I realised tht it would be difficult cause many of them might not be able to appear or going for holidays with parents..Sighh...Really hope that parting would never be a subject in life...
And i was really really happy that I still left 4 days to finish...one month passed real fast...But im rather sad a lil that most of us would go our own pathway right after the exam...Some of us couldn't meet,some might go to work and so on...When TeeXin,Jenn and I discuss bout our gathering again,I realised tht it would be difficult cause many of them might not be able to appear or going for holidays with parents..Sighh...Really hope that parting would never be a subject in life...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
发现自己的一天
01.08.09
为什么我从来没有发现到他的存在？我现在才知道自己对他有点动心。。可是我又不能让人何人知道我喜欢上他。。。我也没想到上个月我会梦到他在一个很浪漫的情况。。我想。。他对poh juan 有心…我也知道，他很美而且他人又斯文。。。是男子会喜欢的女子啦。。。我能跟他比吗？所以，我就跟自己说，就算我喜欢他，我就不能让自己很明显是喜欢着他的。。要不然全世界就知道。。就算有时候我很想很想见到他，可是我却要goes the opposite way。。。意思说，我不能看着他。。。更加要离他远一点。。。虽然这样做会让自己心痛，可是我知道如果我爱一个人会很明显。。所以，我真的真的不希望他会知道我是喜欢他的。。。有时候因为要靠近他，就当着有问题要问他。。
跟他一起唱K是我快日的一天。。。爱一个人就是很难。。你喜欢她，可是你却不能让他知道你是喜欢她的。。。而且，我学校有很多女生都在暗恋他的。。。他们条件比我更好咯。。。我根本没地位的啦。。。我只希望可以偷偷喜欢着他。。。这样我也满促了。。。
为什么我从来没有发现到他的存在？我现在才知道自己对他有点动心。。可是我又不能让人何人知道我喜欢上他。。。我也没想到上个月我会梦到他在一个很浪漫的情况。。我想。。他对poh juan 有心…我也知道，他很美而且他人又斯文。。。是男子会喜欢的女子啦。。。我能跟他比吗？所以，我就跟自己说，就算我喜欢他，我就不能让自己很明显是喜欢着他的。。要不然全世界就知道。。就算有时候我很想很想见到他，可是我却要goes the opposite way。。。意思说，我不能看着他。。。更加要离他远一点。。。虽然这样做会让自己心痛，可是我知道如果我爱一个人会很明显。。所以，我真的真的不希望他会知道我是喜欢他的。。。有时候因为要靠近他，就当着有问题要问他。。
跟他一起唱K是我快日的一天。。。爱一个人就是很难。。你喜欢她，可是你却不能让他知道你是喜欢她的。。。而且，我学校有很多女生都在暗恋他的。。。他们条件比我更好咯。。。我根本没地位的啦。。。我只希望可以偷偷喜欢着他。。。这样我也满促了。。。
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